Well, I’m joining you late, starting myself off with a triple threat video package, because I was busy getting sugary drinks and setting up the fan. It’s warm in England tonight, and I’ve finally got the preshow up and going! Aaaaand Jerry Lawler is apparently still here – the roster split looks like he’s lost his spot on main commentary thanks to what Vince probably calls ‘a little indiscretion’, but he’s still going to be here for the pay-per-views. Either that, or everyone’s too embarrassed to tell him he’s fired, so they let him sit at the table and feel important, and then later on, they’ll take him out back and put him out of his misery.
If you’ve been paying any attention to wrestling news at all in the last month, you’ll know that Roman Reigns has been suspended. Yes, not the good guy, not the bad guy, but the suspended guy. Hilarious. Can’t you hear me laughing? If you’ve been paying any attention to wrestling culture in the last decade, you’ll know that oh boy do the fan boys just LOVE Brock Lesnar.
Well, here we are, the last Raw before the draft, and it’s up late, because I believe – unlike Vince McMahon – that sometimes sleep is more important than wrestling. Also that if I sleep through my alarm at twenty past twelve at night, I clearly need the rest. So here we are, Tuesday morning and I’m starting this recap ten hours later than usual! Is Raw ten hours now? Or does it just feel like ten hours?
We open with an “earlier today” segment, Kevin Owens backstage telling us about how he found a birthday card that Sami Zayn wrote for his son before everything went to shit between them. How… often do you clean out your bag, man? In any case, he tells us that the birthday card never made it to his son, because even though Sami is practically the boy’s godfather, he only gave him $20. That is, $20 Canadian, which is the height of insult as far as Kevin is concerned. So he’s pocketing the $20, and just to remind us that this is a wrestling show, drops in that he’s going to be fighting Dean tonight.
Speaking of Dean, a limousine pulls up out the front, and… of course it’s not Dean, why would Dean show up anywhere in a limousine? It’s Charlotte and Dana. Charlotte refers to Sasha’s victory over Dana on Monday Night RAW as “the biggest upset of [her] career”, and we set up for the rematch tonight.
Next, Maryse is doing her makeup while Miz clears his throat in irritation in the background, because he wants her to hurry up and do his makeup also. He is inviting Darren Young and Bob Backlund onto Miz TV tonight to find out what was behind that whole “make Darren Young great again” thing.
And now we have Dean Ambrose, our champion, who is wearing sunglasses in a dark hallway. That reads “hungover” to all those members of the audience old enough to have been there and done that, I’m just saying. He tells us a little about how he’s going to wreck Kevin Owens in the ring because he’s champion, and I just really can’t argue with that.
This is the final SmackDown before the draft next Tuesday, as Mauro Ranallo reminds us as soon as we cut to the arena. And once we’re here, we’re straight into a match!
On Raw this week, 11th of July, Dean Ambrose made a pretty good point. He said he likes to have fun, he likes to have a joke and enjoy himself, but that he, himself isn’t a joke champion. I heaved a sigh of relief. This is something I’ve been worrying about since Dean got the championship, because he’s been played for laughs an awful lot recently, and that’s something WWE have taken to doing with their title holders.
Raw comes to us live from Detroit tonight, and we’ve already got Instagram-fuelled rumours that Alicia Fox might be back – a woman who isn’t milk pale and/or blonde? Get out of here.
We’re starting with a battle royal for The Miz’s IC title, because apparently that’s the level we’re putting the IC title at. I’m literally agog.
Where is Triple H (Hunter Hearst Helmsley, for short)?. Why isn’t Stephanie McMahon more concerned over the disappearance of her husband? One could argue that Stephanie is powering through her grief to co run RAW and SmackDown with her brother. One could also argue that she and Shane teamed up and got rid of Hunter for good. One could argue that Triple H is merely running the NXT Developmental roster, but we don’t humor outlandish conspiracy theories like that here on Kayfabe Korner.