It’s the day after WrestleMania 33 and that can only mean one thing: obnoxious crowds trying to take over the show. That’s right, it’s the annual Raw After Mania! I’m Robyn and I’ll be filling in as recapper tonight.
Ah, the Boxing Day Raw, proof that Vince McMahon has heard of the holidays, and this mythical thing called ‘time off’, and has decided that he doesn’t want any, thank you very much. Which is pretty much how I feel about all the misogyny in his product, but as I’m not a billionaire, that probably doesn’t matter.
Well, we’re told that tonight, fantasy warfare gets real. Got to say, my idea of fantasy warfare doesn’t start with a two hour pre-show, but I’ve got a cup of tea in my hand, so I guess that’s some sort of English fantasy right there. Personally, my idea of fantasy when it comes to wrestling involves Seth Rollins doing Charlotte Flair’s entrance, complete with splits. It’s just a thing.
And we’re back, after a blip to cope with the American election results, despite neither of us being American, with Monday Night Raw! This week we’re coming live from Buffalo, New York, and we’re looking at a line of the Raw participants in Survivor Series this Sunday. They’ve stood Brian Kendrick next to Seth Rollins, and he looks so comically small that it’s like one of those scenes in Lord of the Rings when they take out the perspective tricks and you realise that Ian McKellan and Elijah Wood are sitting at two different tables.
This week, Sora talks to us about the Old Gods returning, the seas of blood, plagues of locusts, and all the ways in which the world ended. In WWE, however, no one noticed any of this, even when an Elder Being appeared in the ring, surprising even his wife.
So, we’re getting Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton for a second time, only this time they’re going to do it at a house show. Maybe that will convince Brock to remember where he is, and not to use banned UFC moves against hapless wrestlers, who prefer a choreographed fight to getting their skulls opened up on the canvas with zero warning.
Steph here, lovelies, and we’re on a short recap today, because WCPW knackered me out, and staying up until 4am doing play-by-play wasn’t something the body could cope with. So, we’ll do basic match commentary, minor play-by-play, and we’ll hope to have this up before SmackDown goes live! Ah, goals.
Well, I’m joining you late, starting myself off with a triple threat video package, because I was busy getting sugary drinks and setting up the fan. It’s warm in England tonight, and I’ve finally got the preshow up and going! Aaaaand Jerry Lawler is apparently still here – the roster split looks like he’s lost his spot on main commentary thanks to what Vince probably calls ‘a little indiscretion’, but he’s still going to be here for the pay-per-views. Either that, or everyone’s too embarrassed to tell him he’s fired, so they let him sit at the table and feel important, and then later on, they’ll take him out back and put him out of his misery.
If you’ve been paying any attention to wrestling news at all in the last month, you’ll know that Roman Reigns has been suspended. Yes, not the good guy, not the bad guy, but the suspended guy. Hilarious. Can’t you hear me laughing? If you’ve been paying any attention to wrestling culture in the last decade, you’ll know that oh boy do the fan boys just LOVE Brock Lesnar.
Well, here we are, the last Raw before the draft, and it’s up late, because I believe – unlike Vince McMahon – that sometimes sleep is more important than wrestling. Also that if I sleep through my alarm at twenty past twelve at night, I clearly need the rest. So here we are, Tuesday morning and I’m starting this recap ten hours later than usual! Is Raw ten hours now? Or does it just feel like ten hours?