Well, as Kenji said last year, it’s time for the annual lowering of standards that comes with WrestleMania. That said, I’m incredibly jealous of anyone in Orlando right now, because all the shows that are going on look INCREDIBLE, and loads of my BritWres faves are there as well.
The Undertaker! Shawn Michaels! Mick Foley getting a public dressing-down! It’s all here!
Has it really been a week since last Raw? It feels like it’s been a million years – because nothing happened – and also no time at all – because nothing happened. It was a dull Raw, and while this one should, theoretically be better, because it’s a new year, but I can’t actually promise that. But hey, apparently there’s Goldberg this week, so that’s good, right? This is also the last Raw recapped using my old laptop, as my new one turns up tomorrow, and will be able to play WWE 2K17. So don’t expect me to be prompt with anything after that arrives.
Oh, and Happy New Year, readers. We made it to 2017. Now to see if Raw will finish us off.
We open with Seth’s music, because the boy has zero chill, and can’t wait five minutes for us to start the show. Yes, hello Mr Extra, we all see you. Seth’s got a mic, and he’s here to talk to us about how he wants Triple H. Seth, he’s married, he’s just not that into you, poppet. Seth says breaking up the Shield taught him about how actions have consequences. He’s a little upset that Daddy’s got some new toys, that’s what I’m getting here. Apparently the Pedigree for Jericho was a message for Triple H. Seth, Christmas cards exist, darling, it’s the season for them, just send him a nice card with a small, cute polar bear in a scarf on it. Seth says he’s got to get Jericho out of the way first, because Kevin uses him, and then once he takes Kevin’s title, that will mean Triple H has to show up.
Okay, bats and ghouls, let’s do this, on the spookiest night in WWE programming! Fair disclosure, I slept through Hell in a Cell, because I’d slept 16 hours in the past six days, and needed to close my eyes for a bit. Thank you, new meds. So this is being recapped after the fact, and not ignoring that I’ve now had about 24 hours of sleep in the past 7 days, it might be a bit weird. Also, I’m skipping all of the talk on the pre-show, because, well… I can. And because literally, looking at Jerry Lawler in the state I’m in right now might put me over the edge. Renee’s pumpkin sweater, though, I fucking love that.
Welcome to Monday Night Raw! After that amazing and historic pay-per-view last night, we open this Halloween edition of RAW with Goldberg making his way to the ring. These things aren’t related. I was just hoping something would be.
Ah, October. Pumpkins, ghoulies and ghosties, a pink ring rope, and Hell in a Cell. No Undertaker, as apparently WWE haven’t cleared him, and he’s being grumpy about it on twitter, but hey, who says you need a scary wrestler at Hell in a Cell?
Once more, Monday rolls around, and this is our last show before Hell in a Cell this weekend – reminder to self, get some sleep before the weekend – so no doubt very little is actually going to happen, and we’re mostly going to be looking at the matches to come at the PPV. Raw comes to us from Minneapolis, Minnesota, two places I can’t spell.
Welcome to Monday Night Raw, the only wrestling show where the discussion of management’s suits can take longer than a whole two matches! No, my mistake, SmackDown can probably call that their own title as well. This week, Raw comes to us from Oakland, California, and my internet connection comes to us from the very arse of Satan, so we can enjoy some really stuttery wrestling matches and a sweary recapper! It’s all fun and games until someone loses an IP.
Short recap today, because I’m horribly ill and can barely breathe, so we’re lucky we’ve got anything at all! Three hours from 1am to 4am is a hard time to recap when you’re not feeling 100%, but I’ve done my best with this shorter option. No matter how guilty I felt about missing a women’s main event.
