I see a lot of people talk about how ‘the tumblr fangirls’ are all bad, and ruining wrestling for the rest of us. I meet a lot of female fans who tell me that they’ve written or read fic, but would die of embarrassment if the male fans they go to shows with, or the wrestlers they know, knew about it. I traded fic like we were trading state secrets with a woman recently, who said she’d never hear the end of it from her show-buddies if they knew. I hear a lot about how sending wrestlers your artwork of them is fine, but sending them your fic is gross and vile – and I’m not talking about pornographic epics, here, I’m talking about friendships or character fics. And it sort of pisses me off.
Hey guys! Sora here! Steph came down with a bad case of concussion, so I’ll be recapping RAW for you this Monday evening. It’s actually my first RAW in awhile so it’ll be good to catch up (I literally had to google who the tag team champs were…). This will be a bit of an abridged recap, as I don’t know the names of all the moves like Steph (honestly, she’s fucking incredible, I don’t know how she learned them all so quickly), but I will be as thorough as I can possibly be and, hey, I’ll even throw in some art to make it worth your while.
Strap in folks, cause if I remember RAW, it’s gonna be a long ride.
Ah, the Boxing Day Raw, proof that Vince McMahon has heard of the holidays, and this mythical thing called ‘time off’, and has decided that he doesn’t want any, thank you very much. Which is pretty much how I feel about all the misogyny in his product, but as I’m not a billionaire, that probably doesn’t matter.
We’re all decorated for Christmas around the ring, which obviously means someone’s being thrown into presents, which I have to say has always been my favourite part of the festive season. You mean you don’t suplex your family into a pile of gifts on Christmas morning? Weird.
Well, I’m here, only 45mins late for Raw, but you’ve got to forgive someone who’s spent their day being gently drowned by children for what they call ‘fun week’, which is only fun if you’re less than four foot high and like leaping on your teacher simply because she’s in the water for once. I’m not bitter, but I am cold, exhausted, and it’s only the first day of the week, so allow me to approach Raw with the same due sense of exhaustion and dread with which I do work.
Oh, fuck me, it is Roadblock on Sunday? Oh Christ. Drown me, I take it all back. Raw comes to us this week from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, two words I can’t spell at 2am without Wikipedia. I will do basic catch up work, and then we’ll start from whatever happened at 1.45am. Good grief, I’m shattered.
Welcome to SmackDown Live! James Ellsworth is part of the opening sequence now, which is either new or I just haven’t noticed it before! The ramp is decorated with a number of tables, ladders and chairs in honour of the upcoming PPV of the same name. Renee Young starts us off in the ring, wearing a very cute leather jacket in preparation for a contract signing for the SmackDown Women’s Championship.
So, here we are, the one night a year where Raw and SmackDown Live compete, and while the Raw team have been threatened with the loss of their jobs if they fail, The Undertaker has literally promised to take the souls of a losing SmackDown team, and bury them. Without even stipulating a casket match! Unprecendented.
We open with Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon watching Randy Orton hit an RKO on Brock Lesnar all the way from the SmackDown Live roster on last night’s RAW. Shane is telling Orton that Lesnar is going to come after him, and that jeopardizes a lot of things beyond just Orton himself. He does acknowledge that it was pretty awesome, though, so that’s a good start. There are a lot of security guards standing by, though, because Orton can’t just keep RKOing Lesnar to save everyone.
The Miz and Maryse wander on in, and Miz demands to know why no one came out to hoist him up like they did to Dean. Bryan says he didn’t even want Miz on the show, just the championship, and tonight they’re going to determine the number one contender for his title. Dean wanders through as well, mostly just to say hi, I think.
Well, I’m joining you late, starting myself off with a triple threat video package, because I was busy getting sugary drinks and setting up the fan. It’s warm in England tonight, and I’ve finally got the preshow up and going! Aaaaand Jerry Lawler is apparently still here – the roster split looks like he’s lost his spot on main commentary thanks to what Vince probably calls ‘a little indiscretion’, but he’s still going to be here for the pay-per-views. Either that, or everyone’s too embarrassed to tell him he’s fired, so they let him sit at the table and feel important, and then later on, they’ll take him out back and put him out of his misery.
Hey, wrestling fans it’s that time again! Another month, another pay per view. This one should be interesting, as the brand split has now officially happened, so it will be the last time before next month’s PPV that we will see a lot of these guys in the ring together. But enough about that, and onto my predictions for how this show will go.