Welcome to this week’s SmackDown Live! We open this week with Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan rewatching the end of the battle royal, still unable to determine who the proper winner was. They’re going ahead with the match between AJ Styles and Luke Harper tonight, which AJ is not thrilled with, complaining that Harper smells like a toenail and looks like the clump of hair you pull out of a shower drain. Of course, Harper is standing right behind him and the two have a staredown before we cut to the opening theme.
It’s that time again! Monday Night Raw comes to us from Denver, Colorado, and I’ll be adding interjections throughout from our very own Survive, who was actually in the building last night! So we’ve got a bit more of an idea as to what’s going on and how excited everyone is, for once.
Finally, the opening of the Cruiserweight Classic on the WWE Network – something we’ve been waiting to come back for a long time, and this show looks like the start of a hell of a summer series. We start the show with a video package stating what a cruiserweight is and showing highlights of the the past of the cruiserweight division, before discussing the people competing in the classic. All this has a voiceover by Triple H .
Let’s start will full disclosure. When I was 18, I got mono while I was training to be a lifeguard, and I never got better. I was a cheerleader at university (albeit not a very good one), in choir, writing all the time, barely sleeping, in the gym five times a week with my boyfriend of the time (fencer, rower, horse rider, metalhead), and I was basically living every part of the university life a hot young thing could want.
We open on a video package recapping Payback, particularly the results of the Shane/Stephanie debacle and how the main event ended. I appreciate that there is at least for the time being an answer, but this whole thing has gone on much longer than I would have liked. AJ Styles and Roman Reigns’ match for Extreme Rules is also discussed, and there’s more talk about this being a new “era” of WWE, which… well, I’m skeptical about, given the complete lack of any title changes at the pay-per-view, but of course eras are about more than just titles. I’m going to keep an open mind.
Samoan Thor. Samoan Sex God. Samoan Fabio. Samoan Superman. All nicknames used broadly by fans on Tumblr, and all nicknames I have a huge, huge problem with. Now, let’s start off by saying that I don’t want to point fingers here. I’m not interested in pointing out specific people and telling them they have to change the way they do things, I’m trying to look at an overall theme and see just how it came about, and where it stems from. Secondly, yes, I’m aware that ‘Samoan Thor’ is used for The Rock’s character in The Fast and the Furious 6.
So Shane O’Mac is leading the ship again, and he’s out to tell us that he’s very happy to be in control again, as nothing matters, and that WrestleMania match was just for funsies. He says he’s going to show us fresh new matches and exciting things, and one of those is Sami Zayn vs. AJ Styles.
Hellooooo and welcome to Monday Night RAW! Boy, last night was certainly a… night, wasn’t it? I bet a few of us are hung over, whether from partying in celebration or just drinking to forget. As a Dean Ambrose fan, I’ll give you ten guesses where I fall, and the first nine don’t count. Anyway, here we go, Raw time! (Dear Crossfit Jesus, please let this be a good one, thank you and amen.)
Michael Cole insists my WrestleMania hangover doesn’t exist, and he wants us all to party. Byron Saxton calls the fans ‘vocal’ and… good ol’ JBL insists that sometimes we boo who we really want to cheer and cheer who we really want to boo.
That’s the fastest they’ve ever gotten me incredibly angry. I’m almost impressed.
We start out tonight’s show, the greatest WWE show of the entire year, with… Fifth Harmony dressed in red curtains, singing “America The Beautiful.” On one hand, this is perhaps the most boring of all-American songs we’ve got. On the other hand, this is Texas, and I’m just glad we didn’t get a few hundred guns going off while this was being warbled nigh-incoherently. The intro video we get after this is… well… it’s good! But I’m biased, because anything slow-motion involving a shot of the Undertaker is something I’m going to give five stars to regardless. Also: Kelsey Grammar is narrating it.
Tonight, we’re reminded — over the sounds of Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name,” no less — that we’ve got Vince’s son, Vince’s son-in-law, and Vince’s chosen one to look forward to. Oh, and some other people.
Welcome to WrestleMania 32, y’all!
In a rare role reversal, Jax is out sick tonight, so it’s me, Steph, back to recap in a shorter, sweeter style than you can expect from my meandering recaps of Raw. I promise. I’ll leave the play by play to the infinitely better Mauro Ranallo. So, we start our night off with the… Continue reading Jax Snax: SmackDown 10th March ’16