With the draft coming up next week, and Battleground hitting our screens a week from today, things are heating up. Let’s get to it!
Battle Royal for Number One Contendership for the Intercontinental Title – Darren Young wins after Apollo Crews and Baron Corbin eliminate each other.
Sheamus vs. Zack Ryder – Sheamus wins by pinfall.
Breezango vs. Lucha Dragons – Breezango wins, with Tyler Breeze pinning Kalisto.
Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro – Kevin Owens wins by pinfall.
Heath Slater vs. Titus O’Neil – Titus O’Neil picks up a victory by pinfall.
The New Day visited the Wyatt Family compound, and almost looked like getting the upper hand when suddenly hundreds of fireflies and sheep masks showed up to put the fear of Wyatt into them.
Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. Enzo & Big Cass – Enzo and Big Cass win by disqualification after AJ Styles interferes, but don’t come out happy.
Sasha Banks vs. Dana Brooke – Dana taps out to the Bank Statement.
Vince McMahon announced that Shane McMahon will be Commissioner of SmackDown, while Stephanie McMahon will be Commissioner of RAW.
We open with an “earlier today” segment, Kevin Owens backstage telling us about how he found a birthday card that Sami Zayn wrote for his son before everything went to shit between them. How… often do you clean out your bag, man? In any case, he tells us that the birthday card never made it to his son, because even though Sami is practically the boy’s godfather, he only gave him $20. That is, $20 Canadian, which is the height of insult as far as Kevin is concerned. So he’s pocketing the $20, and just to remind us that this is a wrestling show, drops in that he’s going to be fighting Dean tonight.
Speaking of Dean, a limousine pulls up out the front, and… of course it’s not Dean, why would Dean show up anywhere in a limousine? It’s Charlotte and Dana. Charlotte refers to Sasha’s victory over Dana on Monday Night RAW as “the biggest upset of [her] career”, and we set up for the rematch tonight.
Next, Maryse is doing her makeup while Miz clears his throat in irritation in the background, because he wants her to hurry up and do his makeup also. He is inviting Darren Young and Bob Backlund onto Miz TV tonight to find out what was behind that whole “make Darren Young great again” thing.
And now we have Dean Ambrose, our champion, who is wearing sunglasses in a dark hallway. That reads “hungover” to all those members of the audience old enough to have been there and done that, I’m just saying. He tells us a little about how he’s going to wreck Kevin Owens in the ring because he’s champion, and I just really can’t argue with that.
This is the final SmackDown before the draft next Tuesday, as Mauro Ranallo reminds us as soon as we cut to the arena. And once we’re here, we’re straight into a match!
Raw comes to us live from Detroit tonight, and we’ve already got Instagram-fuelled rumours that Alicia Fox might be back – a woman who isn’t milk pale and/or blonde? Get out of here.
We’re starting with a battle royal for The Miz’s IC title, because apparently that’s the level we’re putting the IC title at. I’m literally agog.
Okay guys, Steph here for Raw tonight, and I apologise if I seem a little bit disappointed in the show, but you have to understand that I just watched WCPW Loaded. Which was BLOODY GOOD and had Noam Dar and Jay Lethal in it. So, after that, tonight might be a bit disappointing. Also, it’s American Day, and I’m probably too British to properly appreciate the patriotism we’re to expect tonight.
Spoilers ahoy, guys – the plain results, no funny anecdotes!
The network opens with zero sound. Well, this is interesting. And then they turn the sound on, because people aren’t clever. So, we’ve got Booker T, Corey Graves, Renee Young – and Lita! We get a picture journey of Renee and Lita hanging out in Vegas, which looks like a hell of a night. I need a girly friend I can go drinking with. Volunteers?
Another month, another pay-per-view, and this month it’s WWE’s Money in the Bank. Now, for the first time in a while, I can actually say – both story-wise and match-wise for the most part – I am actually excited to see this one. Well, aside from the pre-show. Anyway, let’s get on with some predictions.
We open with Chris Jericho in the ring for the Highlight Reel. The way he’s telling us all to be quiet, I start to feel sorry for the poor, obviously hungover, wrestler, before I remember that this is just what Jericho sounds like when he’s grouchy. He brags a little more about how he invented Money in the Bank despite never having won, and then invites Dean Ambrose down to be his guest. Dean makes his way down the ramp holding what I’m pretty sure is a fast food soda cup that I have to assume is going all over Jericho and/or his $20,000 carpet, and we recap the events of the Shield reunion on RAW. My Shield feelings have still not recovered, so forgive me for not recapping this in more detail.
Dean is more interested in asking about Jericho’s carpet, which is much nicer than the weird shag rug that he uses for his show. Jericho demands that Dean watch the coffee, which is apparently what is in the cup, and not spill it all over his Serengeti yak carpet, before asking the important question. Why the hell did Dean bring a cup of coffee to the ring with him anyway? So he can drink in the gift of Jericho, apparently. That’s not what he means by that, Dean. That’s never what he means by that.
The New Day are opening us up and prepping us for the show, and the New Orleans crowd are totally up for it. I’d actually forgotten this Sunday was MitB, so now I remember this is going to be a busy week for me! Kofi gives us a run down of the match MitB, then mocks Kofi’s shoes for being for old people, saying they’re orthopaedic – please don’t let this be a teaser for splitting these glorious unicorn babies. Their chants of New Day Rocks are broken by Enzo and Big Cass arriving!
We open on a video package recapping Payback, particularly the results of the Shane/Stephanie debacle and how the main event ended. I appreciate that there is at least for the time being an answer, but this whole thing has gone on much longer than I would have liked. AJ Styles and Roman Reigns’ match for Extreme Rules is also discussed, and there’s more talk about this being a new “era” of WWE, which… well, I’m skeptical about, given the complete lack of any title changes at the pay-per-view, but of course eras are about more than just titles. I’m going to keep an open mind.