We may be on the road to WrestleMania, but god help me I will turn this car around. Sora covers Raw from March 13th, in Detroit, Michigan.
Welcome one and all to Fastlane, the PPV pay-per-view we get before WrestleMania, so everyone take those standards and adjust them! I’m grumpy, because my internet is going up and down like a tape of Neville played on fast-forward and then rewind.
What up, guys, it’s Sora and I just woke up from a nap, let’s do this!
I’m a little late cause I have car troubles and I’m only just now able to deal with it, but you’re only missing the Festival of Friendship recap.
It’s a tag team tonight! Jess and Steph, back as a team for another dual-brand PPV! This means the six+ hours of wrestling we’re about to endure – sorry, I mean enjoy – won’t be done alone by one of us who wishes desperately that they were asleep or drunk. Jess will take the SmackDown specific matches, Steph the Raw specific ones, and as Jess did the hour long Survivor Series match, it’s Steph’s turn to suffer, so she’s got the Rumble. Let’s do this.
Ah, the annual ‘throw everyone into the ring and see what happens’ PPV. I’m not feeling too respectful at this point, what with temporary paralysis and it being nearly 5am, so you can enjoy a fairly irreverent attempt at some predictions, if you’d like. Bit more sweary than usual, too, but sod it, it’s early. Without any more ado: the Rumble.
Hey everyone! Sora filling in for Steph again because I love RAW that much. Let’s get this over with.
We open with a JeriKO package that reminds me of circa 2000s shipping AMVs. It shows Jericho and KO beating Roman for the US championship title because teamwork makes the dream work.
We open with Seth’s music hitting, and he makes his way down to the ring as we are reminded about the upcoming triple threat match. Seth claims that he’s going to talk about Roman Reigns, even though he’s not supposed to, because it’s live television. He starts aggressively mocking Roman Reigns’s tweet about the suspension; he can’t apologize to is friends because it’s one vs. all, and he can’t apologize to the fans, and the whole thing embarrassed Seth Rollins because he built Roman Reigns when he put together the Shield.
Seth demands that Roman be taken out of the match at Battleground because he doesn’t deserve to be there given the suspension, and asks for a one-on-one rematch with Dean Ambrose instead. Dean makes his way out to the ring at this point, because of course he does. He takes some time showing the title off to Seth before he actually starts speaking, and I love it when Dean gets like this, I really do.
We open with a ten bell salute in honor of Memorial Day, closely followed by a video package of various superstars reciting a presidential speech. Most of them are dressed up, but Roman, John Cena, and Dolph are wearing their own t-shirts and Dean is wearing some kind of random Las Vegas shirt. It’s pretty jarring and we’re all suddenly very uncomfortable about coming here to watch grown men beat the snot out of each other.
Shane O’Mac comes out for the traditional Raw opening monologue, and he’s quickly joined by Steph. I guess it’s supposed to be like she interrupted him, but they must have been standing together at Gorilla, right? Also they’re supposed to be doing this together so technically HE was the rude one, right?