Welcome to Monday Night RAW!
Hey, wrestling fans, it’s another month and it’s time for another lot of PPV predictions! This month it’s SummerSlam, and dear god is it a long one – in total, including pre-show, it’s five hours of wrestling, so without any more preamble, here are my predictions for what goes down at SummerSlam 2016 and why.
Spoilers ahoy, guys – the plain results, no funny anecdotes!
Another month, another pay-per-view, and this month it’s WWE’s Money in the Bank. Now, for the first time in a while, I can actually say – both story-wise and match-wise for the most part – I am actually excited to see this one. Well, aside from the pre-show. Anyway, let’s get on with some predictions.
We open with Chris Jericho in the ring for the Highlight Reel. The way he’s telling us all to be quiet, I start to feel sorry for the poor, obviously hungover, wrestler, before I remember that this is just what Jericho sounds like when he’s grouchy. He brags a little more about how he invented Money in the Bank despite never having won, and then invites Dean Ambrose down to be his guest. Dean makes his way down the ramp holding what I’m pretty sure is a fast food soda cup that I have to assume is going all over Jericho and/or his $20,000 carpet, and we recap the events of the Shield reunion on RAW. My Shield feelings have still not recovered, so forgive me for not recapping this in more detail.
Dean is more interested in asking about Jericho’s carpet, which is much nicer than the weird shag rug that he uses for his show. Jericho demands that Dean watch the coffee, which is apparently what is in the cup, and not spill it all over his Serengeti yak carpet, before asking the important question. Why the hell did Dean bring a cup of coffee to the ring with him anyway? So he can drink in the gift of Jericho, apparently. That’s not what he means by that, Dean. That’s never what he means by that.
Sora’s drawn us some stunning images of the contenders for the WWE Tag Team Championships at Money in the Bank this weekend!
The New Day are opening us up and prepping us for the show, and the New Orleans crowd are totally up for it. I’d actually forgotten this Sunday was MitB, so now I remember this is going to be a busy week for me! Kofi gives us a run down of the match MitB, then mocks Kofi’s shoes for being for old people, saying they’re orthopaedic – please don’t let this be a teaser for splitting these glorious unicorn babies. Their chants of New Day Rocks are broken by Enzo and Big Cass arriving!
The New Day vs. The Vaudevillains – the unicorns win by disqualification due to interference from Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson.
Breezango vs. The Usos – The Usos win.
Rusev vs. Zack Ryder – Rusev wins.
Enzo Amore & Big Cass vs. The Dudley Boyz – Enzo & Big Cass win.
Natalya vs. Dana Brooke – Dana Brooke wins.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin – Ziggler is disqualified due to a low blow, but comes out looking pretty great.
Dean Ambrose, Sami Zayn & Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho & Alberto del Rio – Dean, Sami and Cesaro take the win.
We open the program with a recap of John Cena’s return to Monday Night RAW and the very exciting heel turn of AJ Styles. I have had many doubts about how AJ’s story has been progressing, but watching him, Gallows and Anderson beating the hell out of Cena just made me happy inside in a way I can’t explain. I won’t try. Just know that it’s true.
Once the show starts proper…
IT’S A NEW DAY, YES IT IS.
Welcome back to SmackDown, the last show before Extreme Rules this weekend. And of course, that’s how we open the show. We start with a video package taking us through the build to the fatal fourway for the Intercontinental Championship, with a specific focus on the most recent episode of RAW and the tagteam match of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn vs Cesaro and The Miz.
Mauro Ranallo introduces us to the show proper, and we discover that the Miz and Maryse, as well as Sami Zayn, are also present on commentary for the opening match of the evening.