Sunday recap time, guys! I won’t cover Extreme Rules, we all know about that by now, so without further ado, into the week’s results! We’ve got Money in the Bank qualifying matches to get to!
So, we’re getting SmackDown live, and a brand split too. I want to be excited, I really do, because I’ve been saying a brand split would work out nicely for a while now, and it’s nice to see WWE doing something people have been asking for. The recapper in me says that now, if I’m the only one available that week, I might have to recap a PPV Sunday, Raw Monday and then SmackDown Tuesday – and these don’t start airing until 1am my time, so I’m going to struggle with that. But aside from selfish reasons, here’s a few good questions about the split.
Well, I’m joining us a little late to the kickoff show, and it’s Tom Philips back in the social media lounge, talking about talking to Rusev and Lana tonight. He looks a little less like a small boy who’s made a studio in his bedroom. Apparently it’s cool to have Dean’s girlfriend talk about what a lunatic he is. And I’m joined by a small black cat and my very, very unimpressed wife, who thinks Dean Ambrose looks like mashed potato, and thinks Mitch is a stupid name for a plant. She doesn’t know the struggles we’ve seen. Her only comment on ‘it’s the gift of Jericho, drink it in’ is ‘gaaaaaaay’. That’s the woman I love.
We open on a video package recapping Payback, particularly the results of the Shane/Stephanie debacle and how the main event ended. I appreciate that there is at least for the time being an answer, but this whole thing has gone on much longer than I would have liked. AJ Styles and Roman Reigns’ match for Extreme Rules is also discussed, and there’s more talk about this being a new “era” of WWE, which… well, I’m skeptical about, given the complete lack of any title changes at the pay-per-view, but of course eras are about more than just titles. I’m going to keep an open mind.
So, we start with a recap of the Roman/AJ feud from this week’s RAW – Roman coming in for the save on the Usos, Anderson and Gallows running in after Roman’s match with Del Rio, and AJ taking a superman punch from Roman after he tries to break up their little squabble. I’m frankly still not sure how I’m supposed to be feeling about this feud, because AJ is really selling me on the idea that he doesn’t approve of what Anderson and Gallows are doing but everything seems to be trying to convince me otherwise. Then again, I was embarrassingly wrong about every match prediction I made at Wrestlemania 32, so let’s ignore anything that I say speculatively and focus on what actually happens, shall we?
We start Raw with a graphic for Chyna, a silent tribute to a woman who deserved to much better, and there’s a lump in my throat, and I’m just… heartbroken.
Roman and AJ recap, because this is feud we’re supposed to care about, and I’m sobbing uncontrollably because I don’t care, because you stole a woman’s legacy and now you are act like you cared because she’s dead. I’m so angry, I can hardly breathe. I apologise if this recap is terrible, but I’m really struggling to see the funny side of any of this.
We start out tonight’s show, the greatest WWE show of the entire year, with… Fifth Harmony dressed in red curtains, singing “America The Beautiful.” On one hand, this is perhaps the most boring of all-American songs we’ve got. On the other hand, this is Texas, and I’m just glad we didn’t get a few hundred guns going off while this was being warbled nigh-incoherently. The intro video we get after this is… well… it’s good! But I’m biased, because anything slow-motion involving a shot of the Undertaker is something I’m going to give five stars to regardless. Also: Kelsey Grammar is narrating it.
Tonight, we’re reminded — over the sounds of Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name,” no less — that we’ve got Vince’s son, Vince’s son-in-law, and Vince’s chosen one to look forward to. Oh, and some other people.
Welcome to WrestleMania 32, y’all!
It’s here! The Grandaddy of them all, not that Vince likes us saying that! I’m very, very happy to be here for your pre-show, at least, because I’ve been in hospital for the last three days! I’m still in the hospital, doped up and full of meds, but I’m so glad to be here and sharing this with you all, I really am.
The Granddaddy of Them All is upon us!!!! As WrestleMania 32 (perhaps better known as WrestleMania ★) descends upon us, we begin the traditional lowering of standards that makes WWE events palatable. Without further ado, I take you to our official predictions.
If you’re anything like me, you know there’s a hell of a lot WWE should be doing with their merchandise, and they’re not. Especially if you’re a woman. Women have 100% fewer items on the US WWE shop than men, and only three items more than children. Now, you might think the most important thing is that there’s enough t-shirts for everyone, and that the kids can get the merch they want for their favourite superstars.