Well, bugger me, it’s WrestleMania! And this year, neither of our recappers is in hospital! Hooray! So, for this, Jess will be taking the SmackDown matches, Steph has the Raw matches, and we’ve tossed a coin for the battle royal, which Jess lost. Hah.
We’re doing minimal recap of the pre-show, because Jerry Lawler is on it, and if we have to recap two hours of Jerry Lawler, someone’s going to die. So we’ll cover the matches, but otherwise, we’ll leave it alone.
We may be on the road to WrestleMania, but god help me I will turn this car around. Sora covers Raw from March 13th, in Detroit, Michigan.
Hello and welcome to Elimination Chamber! It’s the last SmackDown Live PPV before WrestleMania, as Renee Young reminds us, so it’s an important show. When we cut to the panel, I’m immediately confused; we’ve got Renee, Booker T, Sam Roberts and Carmella. It’s an interesting and unexpected combination of experts, but we cut almost immediately to the social media lounge with Dasha Fuentes, so I have little time to wonder too much about it. Now, instead, I’m pleasantly surprised that they actually lead with her name, so I don’t have to fret that I’m getting it wrong.
It’s a tag team tonight! Jess and Steph, back as a team for another dual-brand PPV! This means the six+ hours of wrestling we’re about to endure – sorry, I mean enjoy – won’t be done alone by one of us who wishes desperately that they were asleep or drunk. Jess will take the SmackDown specific matches, Steph the Raw specific ones, and as Jess did the hour long Survivor Series match, it’s Steph’s turn to suffer, so she’s got the Rumble. Let’s do this.
Ah, the annual ‘throw everyone into the ring and see what happens’ PPV. I’m not feeling too respectful at this point, what with temporary paralysis and it being nearly 5am, so you can enjoy a fairly irreverent attempt at some predictions, if you’d like. Bit more sweary than usual, too, but sod it, it’s early. Without any more ado: the Rumble.
Hey everyone! Sora filling in for Steph again because I love RAW that much. Let’s get this over with.
We open with a JeriKO package that reminds me of circa 2000s shipping AMVs. It shows Jericho and KO beating Roman for the US championship title because teamwork makes the dream work.
The Undertaker! Shawn Michaels! Mick Foley getting a public dressing-down! It’s all here!
Okay, bats and ghouls, let’s do this, on the spookiest night in WWE programming! Fair disclosure, I slept through Hell in a Cell, because I’d slept 16 hours in the past six days, and needed to close my eyes for a bit. Thank you, new meds. So this is being recapped after the fact, and not ignoring that I’ve now had about 24 hours of sleep in the past 7 days, it might be a bit weird. Also, I’m skipping all of the talk on the pre-show, because, well… I can. And because literally, looking at Jerry Lawler in the state I’m in right now might put me over the edge. Renee’s pumpkin sweater, though, I fucking love that.
Hello my darlings, and aren’t we all looking utterly kayfabulous this week? Now, I’ve got a bit of a special treat, as we missed last week’s Gaywatch. Risque behaviour has been a little thin on the ground this week, our boys must be having a little slump between Backlash and Clash of Champions, so we’ll do a double recap, this week and last, including the PPV, to make up for the comparative drought of this week. We’re going to have marvellous fun, my lovelies, just you wait and see!
This week, Sora talks to us about the Old Gods returning, the seas of blood, plagues of locusts, and all the ways in which the world ended. In WWE, however, no one noticed any of this, even when an Elder Being appeared in the ring, surprising even his wife.