[CN: sexual assault, PTSD, panic attacks, alcohol-induced blackouts]
This is a post I’ve been putting off for a while, partially because I’m not sure who’s really interested in reading about my personal bullshit, and partially because I wasn’t sure I was ready to write it without losing my shit. I work pretty hard to appear normal and functional when I’m at wrestling events (disability aside!) and not let slip the fact that, usually, I’m absolutely terrified of being there. Now, these experiences are by no means universal, and I’m not saying that this applies to everyone. For me, this is how I feel when I go to wrestling shows, as a rape survivor, and someone with PTSD.
Chyna’s sudden death hit us hard, and a year later, we reflect on what we lost.
Well, bugger me, it’s WrestleMania! And this year, neither of our recappers is in hospital! Hooray! So, for this, Jess will be taking the SmackDown matches, Steph has the Raw matches, and we’ve tossed a coin for the battle royal, which Jess lost. Hah.
We’re doing minimal recap of the pre-show, because Jerry Lawler is on it, and if we have to recap two hours of Jerry Lawler, someone’s going to die. So we’ll cover the matches, but otherwise, we’ll leave it alone.
It’s a tag team tonight! Jess and Steph, back as a team for another dual-brand PPV! This means the six+ hours of wrestling we’re about to endure – sorry, I mean enjoy – won’t be done alone by one of us who wishes desperately that they were asleep or drunk. Jess will take the SmackDown specific matches, Steph the Raw specific ones, and as Jess did the hour long Survivor Series match, it’s Steph’s turn to suffer, so she’s got the Rumble. Let’s do this.
Ah, the annual ‘throw everyone into the ring and see what happens’ PPV. I’m not feeling too respectful at this point, what with temporary paralysis and it being nearly 5am, so you can enjoy a fairly irreverent attempt at some predictions, if you’d like. Bit more sweary than usual, too, but sod it, it’s early. Without any more ado: the Rumble.
Hey everyone! Sora filling in for Steph again because I love RAW that much. Let’s get this over with.
We open with a JeriKO package that reminds me of circa 2000s shipping AMVs. It shows Jericho and KO beating Roman for the US championship title because teamwork makes the dream work.
Well, this is a turn up for the books! I haven’t done a SmackDown for a looong time, and now I get to do one with a concussion. Before the show starts, we get a reminder that we’re making history with the first ever SmackDown women’s cage match! As we arrive in Memphis, we’re greeted by commentary – oh, THAT’S where Tom Phillips went – and then Shane O’Mac. He tries to get us hyped for the Royal Rumble, and it’s interesting to note that boos are loudest for Braun Strowman, Brock Lesnar, Miz and Baron Corbin, but loudest for Dean.
Welcome to TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs! While it is a very pleasant summer’s day here in Australia I have just had three night shifts in a row so I can’t promise that this recap won’t be bordering on esoteric from time to time.
Well, we’re told that tonight, fantasy warfare gets real. Got to say, my idea of fantasy warfare doesn’t start with a two hour pre-show, but I’ve got a cup of tea in my hand, so I guess that’s some sort of English fantasy right there. Personally, my idea of fantasy when it comes to wrestling involves Seth Rollins doing Charlotte Flair’s entrance, complete with splits. It’s just a thing.
Okay, bats and ghouls, let’s do this, on the spookiest night in WWE programming! Fair disclosure, I slept through Hell in a Cell, because I’d slept 16 hours in the past six days, and needed to close my eyes for a bit. Thank you, new meds. So this is being recapped after the fact, and not ignoring that I’ve now had about 24 hours of sleep in the past 7 days, it might be a bit weird. Also, I’m skipping all of the talk on the pre-show, because, well… I can. And because literally, looking at Jerry Lawler in the state I’m in right now might put me over the edge. Renee’s pumpkin sweater, though, I fucking love that.