It’s Steph here, ready to recap raw, and it’s the Valentine’s Day Raw! Well, it’s the 13th for them, but the 14th for me, so we’ll see how we’re going to play this. I’ve been promised Emmalina, so if she doesn’t show up, Valentine’s Day is cancelled. We’re here in Las Vegas, Nevada, for a festival of friendship, a women’s title match, and that guy with the ‘Leonard’ sign who was at Elimination Chamber last night. I’ve left my wife in bed, so I’m having Valentine’s Day with all of you lovely people, instead.
Time for the second Roadblock of the year, this one with a subtitle like it’s a video game sequel and we’re all just supposed to pretend the first one didn’t happen. Okay, we’ll go with it, it’s not like I needed to sleep or anything, I guess. Joining me on commentary is a small black cat, who is asleep with her nose pressed to her bottom, which is rather like what our WWE commentary team do for Vince. Let’s enjoy.
Just how out of ideas do WWE need to be in order to have two events with the same name only nine months apart? Isn’t this the equivalent of having one kid, naming it Bob, then naming the second kid Bob 2 when it pops out? Okay, sure, the last Roadblock was a network special, and not a PPV, but still. Someone up in creative needs to look up what creative means, methinks. Also, the last time we had this title, it sort of made sense. We were on the ‘road to WrestleMania’ – whatever that means, other than HYPE – and this was a block in the way. What’s this PPV blocking, WWE, my ability to sleep like an actual human being?
Well, I’m here, only 45mins late for Raw, but you’ve got to forgive someone who’s spent their day being gently drowned by children for what they call ‘fun week’, which is only fun if you’re less than four foot high and like leaping on your teacher simply because she’s in the water for once. I’m not bitter, but I am cold, exhausted, and it’s only the first day of the week, so allow me to approach Raw with the same due sense of exhaustion and dread with which I do work.
Oh, fuck me, it is Roadblock on Sunday? Oh Christ. Drown me, I take it all back. Raw comes to us this week from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, two words I can’t spell at 2am without Wikipedia. I will do basic catch up work, and then we’ll start from whatever happened at 1.45am. Good grief, I’m shattered.
Welcome to this year’s SummerSlam! It’s an awfully long program we have booked this year, but I’m not going to complain about extra wrestling.
I mean, who am I kidding? I’ll complain about plenty.
Jess here, because Steph’s trying to get her life together, or something. Possibly getting dinner before a long, long night.
Welcome to the last episode before TakeOver! Tonight, our main selling point is a face-to-face interview with Samoa Joe and Shinsuke Nakamura. This is not ending well for someone – probably whatever interviewer gets sandwiched between them, poor darling.
Hey, wrestling fans, it’s another month and it’s time for another lot of PPV predictions! This month it’s SummerSlam, and dear god is it a long one – in total, including pre-show, it’s five hours of wrestling, so without any more preamble, here are my predictions for what goes down at SummerSlam 2016 and why.
Welcome to SmackDown Live! It’s the final show before SummerSlam this Sunday, and so naturally we open with a contract signing for Randy Orton. He reminds us that it only takes one RKO to beat anyone before dramatically signing the contract, when Heath Slater wanders in with a fruit basket that he clearly stole from someone. No, really – the label says “To Bob, my condolences”. Slater talks some more about being the hottest free agent while Randy Orton eyes off an apple like an asshole.
Sora gives us another week of storyline kerfuffle – what a week it’s been!