Well, bugger me, it’s WrestleMania! And this year, neither of our recappers is in hospital! Hooray! So, for this, Jess will be taking the SmackDown matches, Steph has the Raw matches, and we’ve tossed a coin for the battle royal, which Jess lost. Hah.
We’re doing minimal recap of the pre-show, because Jerry Lawler is on it, and if we have to recap two hours of Jerry Lawler, someone’s going to die. So we’ll cover the matches, but otherwise, we’ll leave it alone.
Well, I’m here, only 45mins late for Raw, but you’ve got to forgive someone who’s spent their day being gently drowned by children for what they call ‘fun week’, which is only fun if you’re less than four foot high and like leaping on your teacher simply because she’s in the water for once. I’m not bitter, but I am cold, exhausted, and it’s only the first day of the week, so allow me to approach Raw with the same due sense of exhaustion and dread with which I do work.
Oh, fuck me, it is Roadblock on Sunday? Oh Christ. Drown me, I take it all back. Raw comes to us this week from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, two words I can’t spell at 2am without Wikipedia. I will do basic catch up work, and then we’ll start from whatever happened at 1.45am. Good grief, I’m shattered.
Once more, Monday rolls around, and this is our last show before Hell in a Cell this weekend – reminder to self, get some sleep before the weekend – so no doubt very little is actually going to happen, and we’re mostly going to be looking at the matches to come at the PPV. Raw comes to us from Minneapolis, Minnesota, two places I can’t spell.
It’s that time again! Monday Night Raw comes to us from Denver, Colorado, and I’ll be adding interjections throughout from our very own Survive, who was actually in the building last night! So we’ve got a bit more of an idea as to what’s going on and how excited everyone is, for once.
Welcome to Monday Night Raw, the only wrestling show where the discussion of management’s suits can take longer than a whole two matches! No, my mistake, SmackDown can probably call that their own title as well. This week, Raw comes to us from Oakland, California, and my internet connection comes to us from the very arse of Satan, so we can enjoy some really stuttery wrestling matches and a sweary recapper! It’s all fun and games until someone loses an IP.
It’s been a big week! No title changes from last week’s Battleground pay-per-view, so let’s get straight in to the week’s events starting from RAW!
The first night of our new Monday Night Raw! Wow! So we cover Dean being lifted by the SmackDown roster last night, and then it’s fresh new music for the start of Raw, and also our new commentary team and the new place for the announce table… hang on, can people not be put through tables anymore? Steph and Mick introduce us to the entire roster of Raw, playing the new music, too. Apparently Neville and Mark Henry were the only ones who didn’t get the memo about wearing their own clothes, and are still wearing their Raw shirts.
Raw comes to us live from Detroit tonight, and we’ve already got Instagram-fuelled rumours that Alicia Fox might be back – a woman who isn’t milk pale and/or blonde? Get out of here.
We’re starting with a battle royal for The Miz’s IC title, because apparently that’s the level we’re putting the IC title at. I’m literally agog.
Okay guys, Steph here for Raw tonight, and I apologise if I seem a little bit disappointed in the show, but you have to understand that I just watched WCPW Loaded. Which was BLOODY GOOD and had Noam Dar and Jay Lethal in it. So, after that, tonight might be a bit disappointing. Also, it’s American Day, and I’m probably too British to properly appreciate the patriotism we’re to expect tonight.
We open with Seth’s music hitting, and he makes his way down to the ring as we are reminded about the upcoming triple threat match. Seth claims that he’s going to talk about Roman Reigns, even though he’s not supposed to, because it’s live television. He starts aggressively mocking Roman Reigns’s tweet about the suspension; he can’t apologize to is friends because it’s one vs. all, and he can’t apologize to the fans, and the whole thing embarrassed Seth Rollins because he built Roman Reigns when he put together the Shield.
Seth demands that Roman be taken out of the match at Battleground because he doesn’t deserve to be there given the suspension, and asks for a one-on-one rematch with Dean Ambrose instead. Dean makes his way out to the ring at this point, because of course he does. He takes some time showing the title off to Seth before he actually starts speaking, and I love it when Dean gets like this, I really do.