Hey everyone! Sora filling in for Steph again because I love RAW that much. Let’s get this over with.
We open with a JeriKO package that reminds me of circa 2000s shipping AMVs. It shows Jericho and KO beating Roman for the US championship title because teamwork makes the dream work.
Hey guys! Sora here! Steph came down with a bad case of concussion, so I’ll be recapping RAW for you this Monday evening. It’s actually my first RAW in awhile so it’ll be good to catch up (I literally had to google who the tag team champs were…). This will be a bit of an abridged recap, as I don’t know the names of all the moves like Steph (honestly, she’s fucking incredible, I don’t know how she learned them all so quickly), but I will be as thorough as I can possibly be and, hey, I’ll even throw in some art to make it worth your while.
Strap in folks, cause if I remember RAW, it’s gonna be a long ride.
The Undertaker! Shawn Michaels! Mick Foley getting a public dressing-down! It’s all here!
Has it really been a week since last Raw? It feels like it’s been a million years – because nothing happened – and also no time at all – because nothing happened. It was a dull Raw, and while this one should, theoretically be better, because it’s a new year, but I can’t actually promise that. But hey, apparently there’s Goldberg this week, so that’s good, right? This is also the last Raw recapped using my old laptop, as my new one turns up tomorrow, and will be able to play WWE 2K17. So don’t expect me to be prompt with anything after that arrives.
Oh, and Happy New Year, readers. We made it to 2017. Now to see if Raw will finish us off.
We’re all decorated for Christmas around the ring, which obviously means someone’s being thrown into presents, which I have to say has always been my favourite part of the festive season. You mean you don’t suplex your family into a pile of gifts on Christmas morning? Weird.
Well, I’m here, only 45mins late for Raw, but you’ve got to forgive someone who’s spent their day being gently drowned by children for what they call ‘fun week’, which is only fun if you’re less than four foot high and like leaping on your teacher simply because she’s in the water for once. I’m not bitter, but I am cold, exhausted, and it’s only the first day of the week, so allow me to approach Raw with the same due sense of exhaustion and dread with which I do work.
Oh, fuck me, it is Roadblock on Sunday? Oh Christ. Drown me, I take it all back. Raw comes to us this week from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, two words I can’t spell at 2am without Wikipedia. I will do basic catch up work, and then we’ll start from whatever happened at 1.45am. Good grief, I’m shattered.
We open with Seth’s music, because the boy has zero chill, and can’t wait five minutes for us to start the show. Yes, hello Mr Extra, we all see you. Seth’s got a mic, and he’s here to talk to us about how he wants Triple H. Seth, he’s married, he’s just not that into you, poppet. Seth says breaking up the Shield taught him about how actions have consequences. He’s a little upset that Daddy’s got some new toys, that’s what I’m getting here. Apparently the Pedigree for Jericho was a message for Triple H. Seth, Christmas cards exist, darling, it’s the season for them, just send him a nice card with a small, cute polar bear in a scarf on it. Seth says he’s got to get Jericho out of the way first, because Kevin uses him, and then once he takes Kevin’s title, that will mean Triple H has to show up.
Raw comes to you tonight, live from Charlotte, North Carolina, the city Charlotte Flair was born in. I get my stream working five minutes in, so we start without the usual guff and bluster about what happened last week. Which is a shame, as I didn’t cover last week, and could have done with the refresher course.
Okay, bats and ghouls, let’s do this, on the spookiest night in WWE programming! Fair disclosure, I slept through Hell in a Cell, because I’d slept 16 hours in the past six days, and needed to close my eyes for a bit. Thank you, new meds. So this is being recapped after the fact, and not ignoring that I’ve now had about 24 hours of sleep in the past 7 days, it might be a bit weird. Also, I’m skipping all of the talk on the pre-show, because, well… I can. And because literally, looking at Jerry Lawler in the state I’m in right now might put me over the edge. Renee’s pumpkin sweater, though, I fucking love that.
Welcome to Monday Night Raw! After that amazing and historic pay-per-view last night, we open this Halloween edition of RAW with Goldberg making his way to the ring. These things aren’t related. I was just hoping something would be.