It’s that time of year again, and while our recaps may have been conspicuously absent, as I sleep like a normal person and Jess has an actual social life, I considered that I couldn’t, in all good conscience, miss out on the first women’s Money in the Bank contract match in WWE history. So, I’ve… Continue reading PPV Rehash: Money in the Bank 2017 – St Louis, Missouri
Well, here we are, my first Raw since WrestleMania, because I’ve been gallivanting around being terribly ill, and then cuddling pretty UK wrestlers at Fight Club: Pro on Friday! So we’re off to a good start, with a recap of Braun Strowman murdering Roman Reigns last week, overturning an ambulance and everything to make sure the Big Dog was well and truly buried. But it’s okay, because, due to beating The Undertaker at WrestleMania, Roman has his gimmick now, and therefore can’t die. It’s perfect.
Well, bugger me, it’s WrestleMania! And this year, neither of our recappers is in hospital! Hooray! So, for this, Jess will be taking the SmackDown matches, Steph has the Raw matches, and we’ve tossed a coin for the battle royal, which Jess lost. Hah.
We’re doing minimal recap of the pre-show, because Jerry Lawler is on it, and if we have to recap two hours of Jerry Lawler, someone’s going to die. So we’ll cover the matches, but otherwise, we’ll leave it alone.
Welcome one and all to Fastlane, the PPV pay-per-view we get before WrestleMania, so everyone take those standards and adjust them! I’m grumpy, because my internet is going up and down like a tape of Neville played on fast-forward and then rewind.
Hello and welcome to Elimination Chamber! It’s the last SmackDown Live PPV before WrestleMania, as Renee Young reminds us, so it’s an important show. When we cut to the panel, I’m immediately confused; we’ve got Renee, Booker T, Sam Roberts and Carmella. It’s an interesting and unexpected combination of experts, but we cut almost immediately to the social media lounge with Dasha Fuentes, so I have little time to wonder too much about it. Now, instead, I’m pleasantly surprised that they actually lead with her name, so I don’t have to fret that I’m getting it wrong.
It’s a tag team tonight! Jess and Steph, back as a team for another dual-brand PPV! This means the six+ hours of wrestling we’re about to endure – sorry, I mean enjoy – won’t be done alone by one of us who wishes desperately that they were asleep or drunk. Jess will take the SmackDown specific matches, Steph the Raw specific ones, and as Jess did the hour long Survivor Series match, it’s Steph’s turn to suffer, so she’s got the Rumble. Let’s do this.
Well, happy new year, dearest, dirty little darlings! I know it’s a trying time for all of us at the moment, what with certain governmental nonsense, but sweethearts, if the world of wrestling is good for nothing else, it’s at least good for giving us gorgeous piles of man to drool over, right? I mean, um… emotional connections, storytelling, spots – oh, who am I kidding? We all know why we’re here! Here’s our update on what’s been happening the last few weeks, while we’ve all been too distracted by political thoughts. Don’t look, darlings, it’s all terribly upsetting. Instead, let me update you on the love lives of our boys of WWE.
Time for the second Roadblock of the year, this one with a subtitle like it’s a video game sequel and we’re all just supposed to pretend the first one didn’t happen. Okay, we’ll go with it, it’s not like I needed to sleep or anything, I guess. Joining me on commentary is a small black cat, who is asleep with her nose pressed to her bottom, which is rather like what our WWE commentary team do for Vince. Let’s enjoy.
Welcome to TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs! While it is a very pleasant summer’s day here in Australia I have just had three night shifts in a row so I can’t promise that this recap won’t be bordering on esoteric from time to time.
Well, we’re told that tonight, fantasy warfare gets real. Got to say, my idea of fantasy warfare doesn’t start with a two hour pre-show, but I’ve got a cup of tea in my hand, so I guess that’s some sort of English fantasy right there. Personally, my idea of fantasy when it comes to wrestling involves Seth Rollins doing Charlotte Flair’s entrance, complete with splits. It’s just a thing.