Ah, the Boxing Day Raw, proof that Vince McMahon has heard of the holidays, and this mythical thing called ‘time off’, and has decided that he doesn’t want any, thank you very much. Which is pretty much how I feel about all the misogyny in his product, but as I’m not a billionaire, that probably doesn’t matter.
We’re all decorated for Christmas around the ring, which obviously means someone’s being thrown into presents, which I have to say has always been my favourite part of the festive season. You mean you don’t suplex your family into a pile of gifts on Christmas morning? Weird.
We start our night with some tweets, and over-excited commentary, all about Triple H rocking up and pedigreeing his son to give Kevin Owens the cursed flesh belt. I know it’s got a real name, I just refuse to call it anything else. We cover the match as a whole, which makes it look like Cass got a lot more offense in than he really did, but we get that gorgeous superplex from Roman as a slow-mo shot, that’s pretty. And then, of course, Triple H shows up for a Pedigree on Roman, giving Seth the chance to eliminate Roman, and we see Trips’ big hand on Seth’s head, like a benediction – but we know how this ends, and that wasn’t a blessing he was giving.
We open Monday night Raw with a small memorial for Mr. Fuji, who passed away this week.
Welcome to Monday night RAW!
Unfortunately, we’re opening on some really unpleasant news – due to Finn Bálor dislocating his shoulder last night at SummerSlam, he is relinquishing his title tonight. Finn is introduced by Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon, and makes his way to the ring with his title over one shoulder and his other arm in a sling. The crowd is still throwing their arms up for him, even though he cannot.
We start with a recap of Roman Reigns, sassmonster extreme, and Lana ending up in the cake, screaming that she hates Roman, and that’s how Rusev ended up having a match at SummerSlam for his US title. Then we remember we had Seth telling us that Finn’s all stories, and then Finn told us a bedtime story about demons.
We get a recap of Raw to start us off – Seth vs. Finn, Roman vs. Rusev, and Randy Orton defying the laws of physics with an RKO out of literally nowhere. Then Brock showing up on SmackDown to suplex Orton. God, can you show us something interesting? Apparently DBry is also crossing rosters, with a sit down with Mick Foley tonight. They don’t have time for interviews on SmackDown, it would detract from all the women’s matches they aren’t having.
Steph here, lovelies, and we’re on a short recap today, because WCPW knackered me out, and staying up until 4am doing play-by-play wasn’t something the body could cope with. So, we’ll do basic match commentary, minor play-by-play, and we’ll hope to have this up before SmackDown goes live! Ah, goals.
The first night of our new Monday Night Raw! Wow! So we cover Dean being lifted by the SmackDown roster last night, and then it’s fresh new music for the start of Raw, and also our new commentary team and the new place for the announce table… hang on, can people not be put through tables anymore? Steph and Mick introduce us to the entire roster of Raw, playing the new music, too. Apparently Neville and Mark Henry were the only ones who didn’t get the memo about wearing their own clothes, and are still wearing their Raw shirts.
Well, I’m joining you late, starting myself off with a triple threat video package, because I was busy getting sugary drinks and setting up the fan. It’s warm in England tonight, and I’ve finally got the preshow up and going! Aaaaand Jerry Lawler is apparently still here – the roster split looks like he’s lost his spot on main commentary thanks to what Vince probably calls ‘a little indiscretion’, but he’s still going to be here for the pay-per-views. Either that, or everyone’s too embarrassed to tell him he’s fired, so they let him sit at the table and feel important, and then later on, they’ll take him out back and put him out of his misery.