Well, bugger me, it’s WrestleMania! And this year, neither of our recappers is in hospital! Hooray! So, for this, Jess will be taking the SmackDown matches, Steph has the Raw matches, and we’ve tossed a coin for the battle royal, which Jess lost. Hah.
We’re doing minimal recap of the pre-show, because Jerry Lawler is on it, and if we have to recap two hours of Jerry Lawler, someone’s going to die. So we’ll cover the matches, but otherwise, we’ll leave it alone.
Well, as Kenji said last year, it’s time for the annual lowering of standards that comes with WrestleMania. That said, I’m incredibly jealous of anyone in Orlando right now, because all the shows that are going on look INCREDIBLE, and loads of my BritWres faves are there as well.
We start out tonight’s show, the greatest WWE show of the entire year, with… Fifth Harmony dressed in red curtains, singing “America The Beautiful.” On one hand, this is perhaps the most boring of all-American songs we’ve got. On the other hand, this is Texas, and I’m just glad we didn’t get a few hundred guns going off while this was being warbled nigh-incoherently. The intro video we get after this is… well… it’s good! But I’m biased, because anything slow-motion involving a shot of the Undertaker is something I’m going to give five stars to regardless. Also: Kelsey Grammar is narrating it.
Tonight, we’re reminded — over the sounds of Fort Minor’s “Remember The Name,” no less — that we’ve got Vince’s son, Vince’s son-in-law, and Vince’s chosen one to look forward to. Oh, and some other people.
Welcome to WrestleMania 32, y’all!
It’s here! The Grandaddy of them all, not that Vince likes us saying that! I’m very, very happy to be here for your pre-show, at least, because I’ve been in hospital for the last three days! I’m still in the hospital, doped up and full of meds, but I’m so glad to be here and sharing this with you all, I really am.
The Granddaddy of Them All is upon us!!!! As WrestleMania 32 (perhaps better known as WrestleMania ★) descends upon us, we begin the traditional lowering of standards that makes WWE events palatable. Without further ado, I take you to our official predictions.