Time for the second Roadblock of the year, this one with a subtitle like it’s a video game sequel and we’re all just supposed to pretend the first one didn’t happen. Okay, we’ll go with it, it’s not like I needed to sleep or anything, I guess. Joining me on commentary is a small black cat, who is asleep with her nose pressed to her bottom, which is rather like what our WWE commentary team do for Vince. Let’s enjoy.
Just how out of ideas do WWE need to be in order to have two events with the same name only nine months apart? Isn’t this the equivalent of having one kid, naming it Bob, then naming the second kid Bob 2 when it pops out? Okay, sure, the last Roadblock was a network special, and not a PPV, but still. Someone up in creative needs to look up what creative means, methinks. Also, the last time we had this title, it sort of made sense. We were on the ‘road to WrestleMania’ – whatever that means, other than HYPE – and this was a block in the way. What’s this PPV blocking, WWE, my ability to sleep like an actual human being?
Well, we’re told that tonight, fantasy warfare gets real. Got to say, my idea of fantasy warfare doesn’t start with a two hour pre-show, but I’ve got a cup of tea in my hand, so I guess that’s some sort of English fantasy right there. Personally, my idea of fantasy when it comes to wrestling involves Seth Rollins doing Charlotte Flair’s entrance, complete with splits. It’s just a thing.
So, here we are, the one night a year where Raw and SmackDown Live compete, and while the Raw team have been threatened with the loss of their jobs if they fail, The Undertaker has literally promised to take the souls of a losing SmackDown team, and bury them. Without even stipulating a casket match! Unprecendented.
Okay, bats and ghouls, let’s do this, on the spookiest night in WWE programming! Fair disclosure, I slept through Hell in a Cell, because I’d slept 16 hours in the past six days, and needed to close my eyes for a bit. Thank you, new meds. So this is being recapped after the fact, and not ignoring that I’ve now had about 24 hours of sleep in the past 7 days, it might be a bit weird. Also, I’m skipping all of the talk on the pre-show, because, well… I can. And because literally, looking at Jerry Lawler in the state I’m in right now might put me over the edge. Renee’s pumpkin sweater, though, I fucking love that.
Ah, October. Pumpkins, ghoulies and ghosties, a pink ring rope, and Hell in a Cell. No Undertaker, as apparently WWE haven’t cleared him, and he’s being grumpy about it on twitter, but hey, who says you need a scary wrestler at Hell in a Cell?
Don’t the PPVs sneak up on you these days? It’s very nearly time for our second SmackDown Live exclusive PPV! No Mercy is right around the corner and things have been heating up amongst the SmackDown roster in the build-up. Let’s get to our predictions!
And it’s here, the first Raw exclusive pay-per-view of this brand split. Backlash was pretty good, especially after the mess that was SummerSlam, so I’m sort of excited to see how this goes, even if I have predicted that most of the titles will be staying exactly where they are. In view of our new, short recap style, I’m not going to recap the whole of the pre-show, which also means I don’t have to tune in for most of the pre-show. Which is great, because fucking Jerry Lawler’s here, dressed like he’s a rent boy who just stepped out of a smoking room in the 1920’s. Lita mentions being out on the streets, Lawler and Booker T snigger, and that’s about all I’m tuning in for. Sorry, Renee Young, you’re marvellous, but I can’t cope with this.
Our first Raw exclusive PPV, and after how Backlash went down, Clash of Champions has a lot to live up to! Of course, they’re more used to the full three hours, so they shouldn’t be struggling to fill time. I can only hope that Jerry Lawler isn’t on the pre-show, and is therefore a SmackDown exclusive. Now if only we could write him off altogether.
Welcome to Backlash! Renee Young kicks off the kickoff show by welcoming us to the first SmackDown Live brand exclusive pay-per-view, and then we’re all ready to meet our panel of experts. Renee is looking cute, and Jerry Lawler’s shirt is stabbing me in the eyes.