In the interest of balance, your recapper would like to let you know that she is wearing one of her Dean Ambrose t-shirts tonight. However, I’m also wearing my Undertaker sweats, because let’s face it – tonight? Someone’s getting fucking buried. I’ve also been awake since 6am and the kick-off show starts at midnight, I’m on very strong opiate painkillers, and I have to be quiet because my wife has an interview tomorrow. It’s a busy time in our household.
So, let’s get underway with the kick-off show I shouldn’t have to watch, but I do, because they’ve shoved the US title on this. I get it, we’ve watched Kalisto and Del Rio square off a few times now, it’s not as fresh as it once was, but at least they’re mixing it up by making it two out of three falls.
The wonderful Renee Young welcomes us to Fastlane, and I like what she’s done with her hair. We’ve got Corey Graves, Booker T, and Jerry (oh god) Lawler. Who starts us off by insulting Renee’s outfit. Wow, classy. We’re talking about how many injuries we’ve had, ahahaha. Rich Brennan is in the social media lounge, because I guess Tom Phillips wasn’t allowed to come out to play tonight, he’s got a lot of homework to do.