Rehash · smackdown

Rehash: SmackDown 4th April ’17 – Orlando, Florida

Welcome to the post-Mania SmackDown!

I’m coming in late on this one because of some problems with traffic on my way home from work but if I know anything about WWE it’s that they will catch me up with a replay later on.

MATCH: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi – SmackDown Women’s Title Match

I’ve come in on the middle of a match between Alexa and Naomi!

  • Naomi with Alexa on her shoulders, then dropping her into a kick. Alexa kicks out at two and a half.
  • Both women get to their feet, but Alexa catches Naomi with a knee and a DDT. Naomi kicks out.
  • Alexa on her feet and Naomi on her knees, but Alexa grabs her leg. Naomi struggles for an enzuigiri, but Alexa ducks, then throws her down by the hair.
  • Alexa rebounds off the ropes into a Rear View from Naomi. Alexa kicks out at two.
  • Naomi in the corner with a kick to Naomi, then up to the turnbuckle but Alexa pulls her down by the injured leg before she can hit the split-legged moonsault.
  • Naomi locks in Slay-o-Mission, and Alexa taps! Naomi retains!

Naomi dances, though heavily favouring one leg, to celebrate her retaining her title.

Curt Hawkins is in the ring when we’re back. Hi, Curt Hawkins. I forgot about you. He’s mad because no one’s talking about him, and offers an open challenge to anyone who wants to come fight him. But he accidentally says “I’ll give you a count of 10”, so Tye Dillinger is summoned from his home and teleports onto the SmackDown stage. I think that’s how it happened, anyway. Thanks, SmackDown, for giving me a reason to care about a Curt Hawkins segment!

MATCH: Curt Hawkins vs. Tye Dillinger

  • Hawkins with a waistlock, Dillinger slips out. Tye slowly mimes 10 at him, and Hawkins pushes him into a corner until the referee creates separation.
  • Hawkins throws Dillinger to the mat, but Dillinger back on his feet rebounds off the ropes and floors Hawkins with a clothesline.
  • Dillinger mounting Hawkins in the corner for strikes, and the crowd screams ‘ten!’. Ten is really satisfying to yell.
  • Tye Breaker from Dillinger, and Hawkins is down for three!

Tye smiles at the crowd, who are still chanting ‘ten!’. I’m so hyped. I mean, not quite Finn Balor levels of hype, but a pretty significant hype.

Mojo Rawley is being interviewed by Dasha Fuentes about winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal with the help of his best friend, Patriots player whose name I still don’t know. Mojo is surprisingly not hype. Perhaps he used up all his hype being excited about Tye Dillinger like I did.

The superstar shake-up is happening sooner than I expected, next Monday on RAW. Shane McMahon is going to come tell us about it a little later.

Cena’s music hits, and… The Miz and Maryse come out, dressed as Cena and Nikki. Until he spoke, I actually didn’t recognize either of them, but I also haven’t slept since sometime yesterday. MizCena tells us we are not allowed to say “Cena sucks” so of course the crowd takes up in a big chant of just that. MaryseBella is wearing a giant fake engagement ring, and MizCena talks like a robot about how he is glad he is a more relatable human being now that MaryseBella manipulated him into getting married, and also that they are leaving WWE to go to Hollywood.

A man with a violin comes out and I should have seen this coming but WHAT THE FUCK




I guess I shouldn’t get too excited about that part since the shake-up is only next week, but I’m singing his theme song and my heart is pounding I can’t even believe this. Okay, this is the debut I was waiting for. Sorry, Dillinger. I still love you, but oh my God.

The crowd chants “Nakamura!”, and no one has to say anything. Miz and Maryse have vanished somewhere, and I don’t even care.

Apparently the part I missed at the beginning of the show was Erick Rowan returning! Gosh this is a good night. Luke Harper and Randy Orton are taking on Bray and Erick tonight.

MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin – Street Fight

  • Corbin immediately on the offensive when this match begins. Shinsuke Nakamura is still trending on Twitter.
  • Dean rebounds off the ropes and Corbin catches him, but Dean slips out. Dean rebounds again, but Corbin slams him in a way that frankly just looks like he’s just pushing him over.
  • Elbow to Dean’s head, then Corbin is fishing around under the ring for a chair. Dean dropkicks the chair out of Corbin’s hand, then knocks Corbin over the commentary booth and then into the barricade.
  • Dean poses on the announce table, before sending Corbin over the barricade with a forearm.
  • Dean up on the barricade dropping Corbin with an elbow drop somewhere in the crowd.
  • When we’re back the ring is full of chairs and there’s a table in the corner. What the hell did we miss??
  • Corbin slams Dean through the table. Dean kind of elbows his head at the same time, but Corbin is still on his feet well before Dean.
  • Corbin fishes around for a leather strap and starts whipping Dean with it, before dropping it unceremoniously and setting up a chair in the corner.
  • Dean slides out of Corbin’s offense, and throws Corbin face-first into the chair instead.
  • Dean goes for Dirty Deeds, but Corbin blocks. Strikes back and forth, but Dean gets the upper hand and knocks Corbin down, and starts whipping him with the strap. He’s kind of going wild with it. Eventually he stops and clotheslines Corbin to the outside, following him with another elbow drop.
  • There’s another table on the outside, too. When did that happen? Dean lays Corbin on it for some more strikes, before climbing up to the turnbuckle and smashing them both through the table with an elbow drop.
  • Corbin rolled back into the ring, and Dean up on the turnbuckle again, but Corbin throws a chair at him. End of Days – Baron Corbin wins!

I’ve never liked Corbin much but that was a pretty sweet match while it lasted, aside from the all the weapons appearing from nowhere during the commercial. Dean is cradling his stomach in the ring while Corbin is struggling to stay on his feet to celebrate.

Shane comes out to talk about the shake-up. He says that any RAW superstar should be hoping to come to SmackDown because SmackDown is rad, and the crowd seems to agree. Before he gets much further, though, AJ Styles comes out to interrupt him. He’s here to say that he hopes he gets to stay on SmackDown because he built SmackDown and is very proud of himself. Also, after WrestleMania, he owes Shane something.

A handshake.

After the handshake, he turns around like he’s going to smack Shane one, and Shane flinches, but then the two men just grin at each other and AJ poses phenomenally.

Up next we have our main event. Remember when SmackDown had a tag-team division?

MATCH: Bray Wyatt & Erick Rowan vs. Luke Harper & Randy Orton

I thought I was going to have to apologize for being low-energy today as it was, and unfortunately Tye Dillinger and Shinsuke Nakamura have sapped basically all the rest of my energy. I can’t pretend to be happy about Randy Orton being champion.

  • Randy sends Bray into the corner, then tags in Harper. Bray reverses a whip, but Harper knocks him to the ground and flips onto him from the apron.
  • Bray rolls out of the ring and embraces Erick on the outside. Harper suicide dives after him, taking out Erick. Bray clotheslines Harper.
  • Running senton from Bray onto Harper, then Erick tagged in with a splash. Harper kicks out at two.
  • Erick with strikes on Luke in the corner, until Luke finally manages to fire back with one of his own.
  • Harper whipped into the opposite corner, then crumples at Rowan’s feet. Spinning slam from Rowan, then Bray tagged back in.
  • Kicks and a headbutt from Bray, before he drags Harper to his feet and throws him into the corner. Harper keeps him away with a boot, but Bray knocks him back down with a right hand anyway.
  • Erick Rowan tags back in, throwing Harper into the corner, then setting him up on the top rope for some strikes.
  • JBL wants Chet Chetterfield on SmackDown after the shake-up next week. That has nothing to do with this match but I just thought I’d mention it.
  • Dropkick from Rowan to Harper; Harper kicks out at two.
  • Bray back in, with some strikes then a rear chinlock on Harper.
  • Harper fights out, and Bray and Harper both make a tag. Randy sets Rowan up for the draping DDT, but Bray interrupts. Bray gets hit with the draping DDT instead.
  • Randy pounds the mat for the RKO, but then the arena goes dark. When the lights come back up, Bray is halfway up the ramp and Rowan is behind Randy.
  • Randy hits an RKO on Rowan anyway, and gets a pin. Bray sort of applauds for some reason.

JBL has no idea what just happened, and neither do I. I mean, I think he’s talking about Bray being on the ramp. I just don’t know why Randy is beating the Wyatts.

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