Just how out of ideas do WWE need to be in order to have two events with the same name only nine months apart? Isn’t this the equivalent of having one kid, naming it Bob, then naming the second kid Bob 2 when it pops out? Okay, sure, the last Roadblock was a network special, and not a PPV, but still. Someone up in creative needs to look up what creative means, methinks. Also, the last time we had this title, it sort of made sense. We were on the ‘road to WrestleMania’ – whatever that means, other than HYPE – and this was a block in the way. What’s this PPV blocking, WWE, my ability to sleep like an actual human being?
MATCH: Rusev vs. Big Cass
One woman’s husband vs. one man’s best friend. What even is there to say about this? Cass totally thought the whole thing with Lana was a bad idea and that Enzo was being a fucking fool, so why is he now defending his friend’s right to fuck a married woman? What even IS this bullshit? I don’t care, and frankly, I’m pissed off that what could have been an interesting match is going to be stuck on the pre-show because the premise and storytelling is awful, and no one gives a damn about it.
Prediction: Rusev, please, because Cass isn’t even involved in this story. Though more likely Enzo to show up and grope Lana while saying he’s a good guy. Some misogynistic bullshit, either way.
MATCH: Rich Swann vs. TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick – WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match
The Cruiserweight belt has been passed around for a bit, but I’ve been enjoying that highlight of skills with the men in the division. In fact, it’s been better written that the battle for the women’s title, honestly, as more people have held it, and title matches have been used to showcase WWE’s new talent, giving us more insight into the entire division. I’ve been sort of captivated with the tale of Kendrick and Perkins, and now adding Swann into the mix, it’s going to be interesting. Kendrick’s been trying to drive a wedge between Swann and Perkins about this match, worried that they’ll team up together, but I think it’s more likely we might see something else.
Prediction: Old friends Perkins and Kendrick to team up to get Swann out of the ring, then take it out on each other. TJP to take the belt in the end.
MATCH: Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins
Kevin Owens made this match as a present for best friend Chris Jericho, but the two have fallen out – for what seems like for good – so perhaps he’s now wishing he hadn’t bothered. Still, it gets Seth out of the way for the match with Roman later, and whatever we might think of the story behind it, this is going to be a bloody brilliant match. You can’t say fairer than that.
Prediction: Seth to take the win, Jericho left angry and humiliated that Kevin made this match and he had to be part of it.
MATCH: The New Day vs. Cesaro & Sheamus – Raw Tag Team Championship Match
Well, they did it! The New Day are the longest reigning Tag Team Champs of all time, baybee, and we couldn’t be happier for them! Seriously, these guys took a gimmick that should not have worked at all, and made it happen, sell a fuckton of merch, don’t take themselves too seriously, and seem to be genuinely pleasant guys, too. What’s not to love? So there’s been an argy-bargy between these two teams for a while, but… I just feel like Cesaro and Sheamus make better singles competitors than a team, and I don’t want them stuck with the belts, having to work as a team – or with Gallows and Anderson taking them off them on Monday.
Prediction: New Day to retain through the end of the year.
MATCH: Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte Flair – Raw Woman’s Championship Iron Man Match
I was scathing about the last match these two had. I was bitter, and frustrated that we weren’t seeing any of the other women on the roster, and annoyed that we were playing title hot potato. And then the match happened, and I was enthralled, my heart wanted to burst out of my chest, I wanted to weep, it was SO DAMN GOOD. It was absolutely incredible, and I enjoyed it in a way I didn’t think I was going to, and that’s what it comes down to with these two women. It might be the same match on paper, but it’s never the same match, and they always exceed expectations. That said, I’m glad that there’s no rematch clause set in for this title match, which means that we’ll hopefully see the end of this back and forth, and let some of the other women take the main stage for a little while – and maybe we’ll even get two women’s matches every Raw and PPV! Please?
Prediction: No matter who wins, we win, because it’s going to be awesome, but my prediction is for Sasha to retain, as she has the shorter reigns overall.
MATCH: Sami Zayn vs. Braun Strowman – 10 Minute Time Limit
Well, after the bullshit we had about trading Sami for Eva Marie, and Sami proclaiming he’s worth 1000 of her, I’m pretty much hoping that the ring goes dark, the lights come up, and Sami and Strowman are both flat out in the ring, with Eva draped over them for the pin in a position reminiscent of ‘draw me like one of your French girls’. A girl can dream, okay? Realistically, I think that Strowman is going to beat Sami to within in an inch of his life for the better part of ten minutes, and then just before the bell rings, Sami gets a pin, but it rings before the three count, leaving him furious that Mick put a time limit on it.
Prediction: Sami to almost win, but the time limit to call it a no contest.
MATCH: Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns – WWE Universal Championship Match
Now, I don’t get why they didn’t make this a winner takes all match, with both titles going to the winner upon victory, because I would have been more into that. Instead, Roman’s US title seems to have been mostly forgotten in this, and he’s not holding it in any of the promo shots that we’ve been shown. If both titles had been on the line, it would have made the US title feel less like an afterthought, and put importance into both belts. As it is, this feels like a weird match to have, but hopefully it’ll at least be enjoyable. Let’s just hope that the cursed flesh belt – which doesn’t like being defended on PPVs, as far as we can tell – doesn’t choose to claim another victim. We’ve had enough injuries lately.
Prediction: Jericho to interfere to try to cost KO the belt, Roman wins but via DQ, so Kevin retains.
See you Sunday!