Rehash · tlc

PPV Rehash: TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2016


Welcome to TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs! While it is a very pleasant summer’s day here in Australia I have just had three night shifts in a row so I can’t promise that this recap won’t be bordering on esoteric from time to time.

We open with Renee Young telling us about TLC and introducing us to our panel of experts – Hall of Famer Booker T, ESPN’s Peter Rosenberg and SmackDown General Manager Daniel Bryan. I think I might miss Lita, but I can’t tell you how happy I am that I don’t have to tolerate Jerry Lawler tonight. Daniel tells us that Booker T tried to steal his lunch but didn’t want vegan food. What’s so wrong with vegan food, Booker?

Rosenberg comments that he’s looking forward to seeing the women kick ass tonight, so I’m kind of on board with this already. Daniel wonders who’s going to steal the show, and I feel like that’s just baiting a certain show-stealing superstar who is wrestling in a ladder match tonight. Alexa Bliss is the guest on Tom Phillips’ social media lounge this evening.

We are having a match tonight on the kickoff show – a ten man tag match with Apollo Crews, the Hype Bros and American Alpha vs. Curt Hawkins, the Vaudevillains and the Ascension. I’m not sure I could care any less about this match if I tried, because I’ve got some pretty major issues with the SmackDown tag team division. Why is it so heavily loaded with heels? But this is as good a segue as any to start talking about the panel’s predictions for the tag team championship match. Booker and Rosenberg think that the Wyatts are too powerful for Slater and Rhyno, while Daniel thinks that Slater and Rhyno work together better and have been partners longer than Bray and Randy.

Moving on now, we’re talking about Nikki Bella and Carmella’s no disqualification match. Daniel starts it off by saying he’s concerned for his sister-in-law’s safety in this match, but she did give Carmella a black eye and is literally stronger than he is so maybe she’s tougher than he gave her credit for. That’s right, Daniel. Booker points out that Nikki came back from an almost career-ending injury so that proves that she’s strong. Rosenberg is backing Nikki because her face is on his socks. (So says Booker T “I thought your name was Peter, not Mark.”) In the end, it’s a unanimous vote for Nikki.

Video package for the Intercontinental championship match up next. Daniel says he doesn’t think much of the Miz, but appreciates how much he’s elevated the title during his recent runs with it. Rosenberg says that the WWE Universe was so disappointed when Dolph lost the title again because they thought he was finally on a roll – in the end, Booker is backing Miz, but Daniel and Rosenberg are both behind Dolph to take it back.

We’re absolutely ripping through the predictions tonight – up next is the chairs match between the lone wolf Baron Corbin and Kalisto. Rosenberg calls the chair ‘the great equalizer’, which seems a bit dramatic really. Daniel has disappeared from the panel, but Rosenberg is backing Kalisto while Booker is backing Baron Corbin.

Video package for the SmackDown women’s championship, now! We are reminded that last time Alexa had a title shot she had her foot on the rope during a submission but the referee didn’t notice so she was forced to tap out, then Alexa putting Becky through a table during the contract signing.

Natalya is on the panel to replace Daniel, who I guess wandered off to go eat his vegan lunch, as she was in the first women’s tables match and is a cornerstone of the SmackDown women’s division. There’s a little bit of shade thrown at RAW, as Natalya observes that with two women’s matches on the card for tonight that proves there are ‘opportunities’ for women on SmackDown. Rosenberg tries to bring up Sasha becoming women’s champion again on RAW, and Natalya simply counters that competition breeds excellence and that’s better on SmackDown. In the end, all three panelists are backing Alexa for this one.

Alexa Bliss opens us up in the social media lounge by quoting the Legally Blonde musical. Well, she says Becky is dressed as last year’s sample sale, so I’m going to assume that was a deliberate reference. Tom Phillips tells Alexa that she did tap out in Glasgow, and Alexa says she was forced to – Becky was about to break her arm, and her foot was on the rope but the referee wasn’t calling for a rope break. Alexa storms away and Tom is left to awkwardly remind us to use the hashtag #WWETLC tonight.

MATCH: American Alpha, The Hype Bros & Apollo Crews vs. Curt Hawkins, the Vaudevillains & the Ascension

Ryder rips his shirt off his body as he makes his way down to the ring. That’s one way to hype the crowd, Zack. The Vaudevillains are described as the ‘exact antithesis’ of the Hype Bros, and I’m not sure that’s really true. The commentators argue over whether Edison or Tesla discovered electricity. I’m glad we’re focusing on the right things here.

  • Hawkins and Apollo Crews starting off in the ring together, and Crews knocks Hawkins off his feet with a shoulder block and takes him down with a dropkick for a two count once he gets back up.
  • Tag made to Zack Ryder, Hawkins’ ex Edgeheads buddy, before Hawkins tags in Viktor.
  • Back elbow from Viktor, then a hangman’s neckbreaker from Ryder for a two count.
  • Tag made to Mojo Rawley, who whips Ryder into Viktor for a clothesline before taking Viktor down with a powerslam and that weird hammer dance thing Mojo does. I know it has a name. I’m calling it the weird hammer dance thing.
  • Aiden English tags in, working Mojo Rawley with a wristlock. Rawley fires back with strikes then reminds us that he ain’t hyped.
  • Jordan tags in with a fireman’s carry takeover on English, then tags in Gable – knocking the rest of the heels of the apron, then a double hip toss on English.
  • It’s a mess in the ring, with people coming in one at a time to throw each other out of the ring one at a time. The last man standing is Apollo Crews, but then all ten men re-enter the ring and start to brawl. The faces end up standing strong.
  • When we’re back from a totally needless commercial, Hawkins and Gable are in the ring together. Hawkins takes Gable down with a vertical suplex then a rear chinlock. Gable fights out.
  • Drop toe hold from Hawkins, then a knee bar. Tag made to VIktor who stomps Gable, until Hawkins rolls away and Viktor gets a two-count cover.
  • Konnor tags in for a splash on Gable, then another two count.
  • Rear chinlock, Gable powers to his feet and attempts a sunset flip – Viktor manages to tag in and lays in with strikes to Gable’s head.
  • Aiden English back in the ring, then Gotch for their tag team assault.
  • Tag made to Viktor, who goes for an immediate cover. Gable kicks out at one, but Viktor transitions into another chinlock.
  • Gable tries to tag out, but VIktor pulls him back. Viktor gets Gable up onto his shoulder while his teammates pull Gable’s teammates off the apron, and Viktor drops Gable for a pop-up superkick.
  • Aiden English tags back in and gets Gable in a front facelock. Gable manages to reverse into a waistlock for a waistlock takedown, but English is able to keep him away from his corner and catapults him into his own corner instead.
  • Konnor and Jordan both tag in, and Konnor takes a dropkick and an alphaplex so it’s time for Jordan to expose himself. Simon Gotch breaks up the pin.
  • Alpha with leaping clotheslines to both members of the Ascension, and it’s a mess again for a moment – but Gotch tags in and takes Grand Amplitude for a successful three-count.

The faces celebrate in the ring before we cut back to the kickoff panel.

Rosenberg shows off his American Alpha shirt, and Renee shills the WWE Network which I am currently using to watch the kickoff show. Apparently John Cena is hosting Saturday Night Live soon.

We’re about to go live, but first, there’s one more match to discuss – the TLC match for the WWE World Championship. Rosenberg sounds a little unreasonably excited about the Shucky Ducky Quack Quack moment. Poor Renee tries to defend Dean by pointing out how much he’s been getting into AJ’s head, but both Booker and Rosenberg argue that AJ Styles is one of the best in the world – he’s phenomenal, he’s the champ that runs the camp – so they’re still backing him tonight.


MATCH: Randy Orton & Bray Wyatt (with Luke Harper) vs. Heath Slater & Rhyno – SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match

Randy Orton’s music hits first up, but only gets as far as the first line before it cuts to the Wyatt video and the arena fills with fireflies for Bray’s entrance, flanked as he walks in by Randy and Luke Harper. I am pleased to report that Randy’s beard is still a work in progress. As the champions come in, we are quickly introduced to our announce teams for tonight. I still think four commentators is excessive.

  • Rhyno and Bray starting off the in the ring together. Wristlock, which Bray breaks with a headbutt, then a reversal on an Irish whip and Rhyno clotheslines Bray.
  • Bray stays on his feet and makes the tag to Randy, holding Rhyno in place for strikes from Randy.
  • Strikes back and forth then Randy whips Rhyno into the ropes, but Rhyno ducks the clothesline and grabs hold of Randy, making the tag to Slater.
  • Leg lariat from Slater, then a pair of corner splashes; Randy counters the second by sending him over the ropes.
  • Slater crawls back into the ring and Randy stomps him several times before tagging in Bray again.
  • Bray works to keep Slater away from his corner with headbutts then a corner clothesline, for a two-count.
  • Slater thrown to the outside again, and Bray tags Randy back in. Randy grabs Slater with a front facelock as he tries to climb back in, then a powerslam for a two-count.
  • Bray tags back in with a rear chinlock on Slater. Bray throws Slater into the ropes and telegraphs a back body drop, taking a roundhouse kick from Slater.
  • Rhyno tags back in, but Bray reverses his Irish whip but takes an uppercut from Rhyno in the corner then a shoulder tackle.
  • Luke Harper takes a Gore meant for Randy Orton on the outside, then Randy hits an RKO out of nowhere back in the ring while Bray distracts Rhyno by being spooky – THE WYATT FAMILY ARE OUR NEW TAG CHAMPS!

Luke Harper is involved in this little Wyatt moment with the belts, and the three men pose together in the ring before we cut away.

Dean backstage reassures us that James Ellsworth is probably fine, letting the grownups do the grownup things. How old do you think Ellsworth is, Dean? Anyway, he says that AJ is the kind of person who is inclined to take the easy way out, but there’s no easy way in a TLC match, and especially not in a TLC match against Dean Ambrose. Cut to AJ immediately afterwards, where Renee asks him what he thinks about what Dean has said. AJ explains that he understands what TLC matches can do the human body, and he knows Dean very well – he knows that Dean is easily knocked down and hard to keep down, but he figures enough chairshots will keep him there.

MATCH: Nikki Bella vs. Carmella – No Disqualification Match

Nikki makes her way to the ring first and actually has her hair tied back in a pair of braids. I can only assume this is deliberate to make it a less tempting target during a no-DQ match. Carmella has not thought this through in the same way.

  • Carmella immediately rolls out of the ring as soon as the match starts. As she climbs back in, Nikki takes her down with a spear.
  • Carmella reverses an attempted powerbomb into a headscissors takedown, sending Nikki into the stairs.
  • Commentary respect this match by telling us that it won’t be technical and will just be a schoolyard fight.
  • Nikki kicks out of a cover at one, then Carmella suplexes her into the ropes for another cover, this one for two.
  • Another attempted suplex from Carmella is reversed into a rollup, then Carmella gets another two count cover.
  • Another suplex into the ropes, targeting the leg that Nikki hit the stairs with each time.
  • Nikki draped over the turnbuckle in a tree of woe, then Carmella digs around under the ring for a kendo stick.
  • Carmella beats Nikki with a kendo stick until she falls from the turnbuckle, then goes for another cover, but only for a two-count.
  • Carmella locks in the Code of Silence, but Nikki breaks out of it by grabbing the kendo stick and hitting Carmella with it.
  • Carmella rolls out of the ring after the kendo stick, but Nikki follows her with a kick. Nikki grabs the kendo stick, but Carmella drives Nikki into the barricade.
  • Nikki throws Carmella back into the ring post, then climbs up on the barricade for a leaping roundhouse kick to Carmella’s face.
  • Both women back in the ring, Nikki beats Carmella with the kendo stick a few more times. Carmella throws Nikki out of the ring and tries to follow, but Nikki has dug out a fire extinguisher and fires it in Carmella’s face, then all over her body.
  • Rack Attack 2.0, and a three count – Nikki wins!

Nikki hoists the kendo stick in celebration then limps her way up the ramp. Before she can leave, however, Carmella demands that they cut the music and asks if Nikki is proud of herself because it wasn’t even her that attacked Nikki at Survivor Series – it was Natalya. Nikki looks a bit confused, and possibly hurt, but makes her exit anyway.

Daniel Bryan has finished his lunch now so can come have a chat about the upcoming Intercontinental Championship match. He openly admits that he doesn’t like the Miz, but while Ziggler might be a better representative of the blue brand, Miz does have a certain star quality. The Miz and Maryse swan in, desperately offended that Daniel would say such things, and Miz says he wishes that he was going to push Daniel off a ladder tonight instead of Dolph Ziggler.

MATCH: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz (with Maryse) – Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Ziggler’s tights are half American flag and half shiny silver, and his hair is braided too. I feel like he’s just trying to confuse me at this point. Miz and Maryse look devastatingly gorgeous as always as they join Ziggler in the ring. In other news, it’s that time of the show where I upset my neighbours by singing everyone’s music.

  • Ziggler starts us off by squirming like he’s waiting for Miz to approach him for some technical wrestling, while Miz points at the title.
  • Ziggler takes down Miz with a kick, then gets him in the corner for strikes.
  • Miz catches the superkick, and tries to transition into the Skull-Crushing Finale. Ziggler counters, and attempts a dropkick, but Miz catches him and catapults him out of the ring.
  • Ziggler tries to dig out a ladder, but a wrecking ball dropkick from Miz sends him sprawling.
  • Attempted DDT from Ziggler is fought off. Another full nelson hold from the Miz, presumably setting up for the Skull-Crushing Finale again, but Ziggler escapes. Miz with a big boot knocks Dolph down.
  • Miz tries to grab one of the ladders, and Ziggler throws him into it instead.
  • Ziggler tries to carry a ladder to the ring, but Miz knocks him down with a strike and picks it up, ramming Ziggler with it.
  • A second attempt to ram Ziggler with the ladder misses, as Dolph dodges, and Miz hits the steel steps instead.
  • Dueling ‘Let’s go Ziggler!’ and ‘Let’s go Miz’ chants. That’s still so weird to me.
  • Ziggler with his foot on Miz’s neck tries to slam Miz’s head in between the legs of the ladder, but Miz scrambles away and knocks Ziggler into the ladder with a drop toe hold.
  • Ziggler tries to bring another ladder in the ring, but Miz dropkicks the ladder, knocking Ziggler down again.
  • Miz and Ziggler playing tug of war with the ladder now, until Ziggler drags Miz shoulder first into the ringpost.
  • Once again Ziggler trying to get the ladder into the ring, but Miz grabs him by the leg to stop him. Ziggler tries to stop him with the Famouser, but Miz counters and attempts to powerbomb Ziggler into the ladder.
  • Ziggler escapes and sends Miz into the ladder with a satellite DDT.
  • Finally a ladder manages to enter the ring! Ziggler starts to set it up, but Miz knocks him down with a dropkick.
  • Miz traps Ziggler in the corner with the ladder, and dropkicks the ladder into Ziggler’s ribs.
  • Miz sets Ziggler up on the turnbuckle using the ladder as a support, but Ziggler fights him off and knocks him off the ladder onto the mat. Ziggler with an elbow drop off the ladder, then drags Miz up by the back of the head and throws him headfirst into the ladder.
  • Ziggler sets up a ladder and speedily climbs it, but Miz gets to his feet just in time to pull Ziggler down by the ankle. Ziggler knocks Miz down with a clothesline and heads up the ladder again.
  • Miz knocks the ladder over this time, and Ziggler lands neck first on the ropes. Actually, not quite neck first, as he was able to break his fall a little, but I can’t imagine that felt fun.
  • Miz goes to set up a ladder, then thinks better of it and throws it into ZIggler instead, then dropkicks the ladder into Ziggler’s head while mocking Daniel with a yes chant.
  • Dolph knocks the ladder back over onto Miz as Miz comes flying back for another dropkick.
  • Ziggler manages to set up another ladder, but Miz climbs up the other side just as he reaches the top. The two men trade strikes at the top of the ladder, until Miz finally gets knocked off.
  • Maryse looking frantic at ringside, but Miz manages to stop Ziggler by grabbing his ankle and tying his leg around the ladder. As Miz knocks the ladder down, Ziggler falls to the mat clutching his leg.
  • Ziggler attempts to superkick Miz through the ladder, but Miz blocks and traps Ziggler’s leg between the legs of the ladder. Miz grabs Ziggler by the leg and slams his leg into the ladder again a few more times, just to really rub it in.
  • Miz hooks Ziggler’s leg into the figure four while Ziggler’s leg is still caught in the ladder. Submissions don’t count in this match – that was just to be mean.
  • To finish him off, Miz picks Ziggler up in a full nelson hold – Ziggler breaks out with elbows, and goes for the superkick, but his leg can’t support him, and Miz hits the Skull-Crushing Finale right onto the ladder.
  • Miz sets up the ladder and starts to climb, but just as he reaches it, Ziggler knocks the ladder over. Miz ends up hanging from the championship, and Ziggler pushes the ladder back into him to knock him back down onto the mat.
  • Miz rolls out of the ring clutching his knee, which he landed on, and Ziggler crawls to push up the ladder again and drag himself up it, using his arms and only one leg.
  • Miz gets himself back into the ring in time to take some swings at Ziggler and knock him off the ring, then hit him with a slingshot powerbomb onto the ladder still set up in the corner. Crowd starts chanting ‘Miz! Miz!’, then ‘This is awesome!’
  • Using one of the ladders as a crutch, Miz gets to his feet and sets up a second ladder alongside the first. Ziggler starts climbing as well, and they trade strikes back and forth on top of the two ladders.
  • Miz gets the upper hand, knocking Ziggler down a few rungs, but Ziggler recovers in time to stop him grabbing the championship, and tries to knock Miz down with headbutts. Finally, Miz drops back to the mat.
  • Miz scrambles back up the ladder to stop Ziggler grabbing the title, and hits a pair of blatant low-blows to knock him down. Miz grabs the title, and retains the Intercontinental Championship!

Officially, that means we’re at the end of Miz and Ziggler’s feud, I suppose, but I’m not ready to say goodbye because I love these two together. Maryse motions for someone to hand her a microphone, and Miz dedicates his win to Daniel Bryan – somehow who never believed in him or showed him the respect he deserved, and so inspired him to become the greatest Intercontinental Champion he could be. He caps this off by telling us that we’re all losers, the crowd are losers, and Ziggler is a loser, but he’s a winner. He shares a more passionate kiss with his wife than usual, probably because he’s all frantic and exhausted.

MATCH: Kalisto vs. Baron Corbin – Chairs Match

We’re moving on at quite a clip today!

  • Kalisto immediately on the attack with a chair as Corbin enters the ring. Corbin knocks him away and sets up a chair.
  • Corbin tries to drop Kalisto onto a chair, but Kalisto counters, kicking Corbin down onto a chair then knocking him out of the ring.
  • Both men out of the ring, Corbin drapes Kalisto over the barricade for a series of forearms.
  • Corbin removes his shirt, then wraps it around Kalisto’s throat to whip him around.
  • Kalisto thrown back into the ring, and Corbin goes for a quick cover but Kalisto kicks out at one.
  • Corbin throws Kalisto into the ringpost, then wedges a chair into a turnbuckle.
  • Chokeslam into a jackknife cover, but Kalisto kicks out at two.
  • Corbin throws a whole mess more chairs into the ring, then sets a few up like a table or a bed. Just a bit of feng shui in the ring, really.
  • Kalisto dodges Corbin’s attack, then a drop toe-hold sends Corbin into the chair wedged in the turnbuckle.
  • Headscissors sends Corbin headfirst into another chair, then Kalisto up on the turnbuckle for a seated senton through the chair-bed. Corbin kicks out at two.
  • Corbin on the outside; Kalisto follows with a suicide dive, but Corbin catches him and hits Deep Six.
  • Kalisto thrown back into the ring, but kicks out of the cover at two. Corbin angrily creates a pile of chairs, while Kalisto rolls away, before going after him with a chair in hand.
  • Kalisto dodges a series of chairshots, then makes a comeback with a few kicks to the stomach then a hurricanrana off the barricade.
  • A dropkick sends Corbin into the barricade, then both men back in the ring and Kalisto props a chair on the prone Corbin’s chest, climbing up onto the turnbuckle for a moonsault. Corbin kicks out at two.
  • Chairshots across Corbin’s back from Kalisto, then Kalisto sets up for Salida del Sol as Corbin struggles to his feet. Corbin fights him off.
  • Kalisto up on the turnbuckle, but Corbin knocks him out of the air with a chair to the face.
  • End of Days onto the pile of chairs! Corbin wins!

Corbin stalks over to the announce table, staring down the commentators before stalking away. The referee is checking on Kalisto in the ring.

Natalya is backstage to defend herself against Carmella’s allegations. Those allegations are absurd, Carmella is a liar, and Natalya wants to wish Becky luck because she’s the representative of the women’s division.

MATCH: Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch – SmackDown Women’s Championship Tables Match

Alexa looking like a vision of loveliness as always as she makes her way to the ring, before Becky follows with her championship.

  • Becky straight on the offense, driving Alexa into the turnbuckle then knocking her down with a clothesline before looking for a table.
  • Wrecking ball dropkick from Alexa knocks Becky away, and Alexa looks at the table for a moment before realizing she won’t have time, turning around into a clothesline from Becky.
  • Becky throws Alexa into the barricade, then picks her up for a powerbomb – Alexa fights out with elbows.
  • Alexa on the apron, and Becky knocks her down with a leg sweep.
  • Alexa attempts to leapfrog Becky, but Becky catches her and knocks her down, then hits a snap suplex.
  • Becky goes back after that table, setting it up on the outside. As Becky goes to climb back in, Alexa tries to come in with an assault but Becky kicks her. Becky sets up to suplex Alexa over the ropes on to the table, but Alexa fights her off.
  • Forearms from Alexa, then Becky sent into the top turnbuckle headfirst.
  • Alexa stumbles on the apron, and Becky tries to grab for her to push her over onto that table, but Alexa bites Becky to fight her off.
  • Double knees to the back of Becky’s head and neck as Alexa drapes her over the apron.
  • Alexa sets up a table of her own on the other side, but before she can finish, Becky comes after her. Alexa drives her into the steel steps and slides her table into the ring.
  • Becky comes after her, and Alexa knocks her down, setting up her table in the ring. Alexa with strikes in the corner, then a back elbow from Becky, and the two women trade strikes.
  • Alexa gets the upper hand, with Becky on her back and Alexa raining down strikes.
  • Alexa sets Becky up on the table, going to the turnbuckle. Becky gets up in time to knock her down, setting up for a superplex.
  • Alexa fights her off with strikes, and Becky falls, knocking over the table but not going through it.
  • Alexa props the table up on the turnbuckle instead as Becky lays on the mat, then drags Becky to her feet. Becky counters with strikes, then a pair of lariats and a leg lariat.
  • Becky runs at Alexa, and Alexa dodges, meaning Becky has to struggle to stop short of going through the table.
  • Becky sets up for a suplex, but Alexa fights her off. Alexa knocks the table over again, then sets it up in the ring again.
  • Becky picks Alexa up in a fireman’s carry, and Alexa kicks the table over, then manages to transition into a DDT onto the upturned table.
  • Becky locks in the Dis-Arm-Her through the legs of the table, wrenching Alexa’s fingers, then slams her onto the mat – trying to buy herself time to set up a table.
  • Becky sets up the table in a corner across the ropes, then lays Alexa on top of it. Becky up on the turnbuckle and Mauro asks if this is the coup de grace – no, that’s Finn Balor’s move, Mauro.
  • Alexa kicks Becky down, then follows up with a dropkick. Becky reverses an Irish whip and sends Alexa into the table, but not through it.
  • Alexa laying on the mat next to the table still set up outside the ring; Becky tries for a baseball slide dropkick, but Alexa rolls out of the way and again Becky has to struggle to stop short of going through it.
  • Alexa picks Becky up from the apron to powerbomb her through the table – and Alexa is our new champion!

My feed freezes and stutters – that’s what I get for trying to watch the WWE Network with Australian Internet – and when we come back, Alexa is hoisting her title! An interviewer comes out to ask Becky about losing, and Becky tells her “I don’t appreciate you putting a microphone in my face right now”. Alexa looking like a gorgeous evil genius with her title, as both women make their way backstage.

MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles – WWE World Championship TLC Match

There’s still quite a bit of time left on the show, so either we’re ending a bit early or this is going to be quite a long match! Dean gets a huge pop on his entrance. AJ takes off his shirt in the ring and throws it aside, leaving him just in the very nice blue tights.

  • Dean immediately on the offensive, raining down strikes on AJ before knocking him back into the corner for some knees.
  • First ‘he just does stuff’ from JBL comes only seconds into the match. Back body drop from Dean, then he rolls out of the ring to fetch a chair and a ladder.
  • AJ gets to his feet in time to hit Dean with that chair, knocking him back to the outside, and AJ starts to set up the ladder.
  • Dean pulls AJ down, then tries to climb it himself. AJ pulls him back down, too.
  • Dean whips AJ across the ring, but AJ ducks the ladder, only for Dean to knock it into him on the rebound.
  • Dean clotheslines AJ over the top rope, then follows him, sending him headfirst into another ladder then hitting him with a table.
  • Dean has a nice sit on a chair and asks AJ to sit with him and talk things out. Obviously this does not go down well, so Dean throws AJ into the chair instead.
  • Dean suplexes AJ onto the ramp, and a referee comes over to check on him while Dean sets up another table nearby. Once the referee has properly checked on AJ, Dean sets AJ up on the table and climbs an adjacent ladder.
  • AJ rolls himself away, so Dean climbs back down and starts pulling garbage out of a bin. The bin goes onto AJ’s head, and a referee comes to have a chat with Dean – presumably to tell him that bin is neither a table, a ladder, nor a chair.
  • Dean throws AJ over the barricade, then tries to come after him with an elbow drop off the barricade, but AJ knocks him out of the air with a dropkick.
  • Leaping clothesline from AJ, and Dean limps away. AJ comes after him with a big right hand. Dueling chants of ‘AJ Styles!’ and ‘Let’s go Ambrose!’.
  • AJ goes groin-first onto the barricade, then Dean grabs a chair and charges at AJ with it before climbing back into the ring to climb the ladder again.
  • AJ gets back into the ring to push him off the ladder, then knocks the ladder over onto him to emphasize the point. Dean gets to his feet, and AJ throws the ladder at him to knock him back down.
  • Suplex onto the ladder, then a knee drop from AJ onto the ladder. Dean suffering, but as AJ starts to set the ladder up again, Dean grabs him and catapults him into the ladder, then out of the ring.
  • Dean throws the ladder out of the ring onto AJ, then rolls out of the ring to fetch a table. As you do, Dean.
  • AJ comes back into the ring with a chair as Dean starts to set up the table, taking Dean down with a few relentless chairshots.
  • Sidewalk slam from AJ sends Dean through a set up chair, then AJ looks up at the title overhead like he’s not sure what his next plan is.
  • AJ lays into Dean with the chair a bit more, then goes under the ring to fetch a few more, setting four of them up into a sort of bed.
  • AJ sets up as though to DDT Dean into the chairs, but Dean reverses – a ‘holy shit!’ chant pipes up as Dean follows it up with a full body slam onto a chair.
  • Dean up on the turnbuckle with a chair in hand, for an elbow drop with a chair onto the collapsed AJ. A referee calls out to ask if AJ is okay, which is very nice of him.
  • Dean sets up with the table again, propping it up in the corner this time, and… AJ has split his pants. There is a hole in AJ’s pants, right on the butt. AJ suplexes Dean through the table, while I’m busy staring at the hole in his pants. Does the man not wear undergarments?
  • Dean stumbles to his feet and AJ strikes him a little, but Dean comes back with some powerful strikes. AJ knocks him back with a dropkick, but Dean comes back with his pendulum lariat, an AJ lands on a chair.
  • AJ set up on the apron, and Dean climbs up on the middle rope and drags AJ up with him too. The two trade strikes until Dean tumbles back into the ring, and AJ goes for the Phenomenal Forearm. Dean tries to counter into Dirty Deeds, but AJ counters.
  • AJ knocked out of the ring, and Dean poses into the ring before suicide diving after him, knocking AJ into the announce table.
  • Dean starts to clear the announce tables to do the thing properly, then props AJ up on one of them and sets up a ladder on another. This can’t possibly go well.
  • AJ starts to stir, so Dean puts him headfirst into the apron then rains down right hands onto AJ to keep him still on the table, setting him back up as he climbs the ladder.
  • Dean with an elbow drop off the ladder, sending AJ through the announce table. Dean does not look like he came out of that too well either, as another ‘holy shit!’, then a ‘this is awesome!’ chant starts up.
  • Dean gradually gets to his feet – AJ still not moving – and sets up another ladder in the ring. AJ drags himself up to the ring as Dean starts to climb, and a Phenomenal Forearm sends Dean off the ladder.
  • Both men start climbing the ladder, on opposite sides, and Dean gets a little higher a little faster, but they start to trade strikes at the top of the ladder as they both reach the top.
  • Both of them drop back to the mat, and Dean goes for Dirty Deeds but AJ tries to counter into the Styles Clash. Dean picks AJ up and spins him into the ladder instead.
  • Dean starts climbing the ladder again, but AJ able to pull him back down. He tries to powerbomb Dean over the ropes, but Dean grabs on and both men tumble over the side.
  • Dean tries to climb back in first, but AJ knocks him back down and hits the moonsault/reverse DDT combination onto the outside.
  • AJ grabs a table and sets Dean up on it, making sure he stays there with a few strikes. Springboard 450 splash takes it toll on both men – Dean goes through the table, but AJ doesn’t look happy either.
  • AJ gets back into the ring and goes to climb the ladder, but is distracted as James Ellsworth starts to wander in, still wearing a neck brace. AJ sets up to Styles Clash him onto the steel steps, but Dean finally gets to his feet, knocking AJ down with a clothesline then taking him out with Dirty Deeds onto the steel steps.
  • Dean back in the ring trying to climb the ladder, and he’s nearly at the top when AJ starts to climb the other side. Dean knocks him down and right out of the ring with a big forearm, but then Ellsworth knocks over the ladder – Dean tumbles off the ladder and right through two tables on the outside.
  • Dean is just laying in the rubble of the tables looking confused, and sad, and Ellsworth starts beckoning to AJ to climb the ladder.
  • AJ sets the ladder back up and starts to drag himself up the ladder. Ellsworth is being a very good cheerleader at ringside, but my heart is broken. How about yours?
  • AJ gets the title, and retains!

Ellsworth looks so pleased with himself, while AJ looks confused and Dean looks fundamentally betrayed. AJ has to celebrate with a big hole in the seat of his pants. I suspect the cameraman is trying to make me forget, but I haven’t. I haven’t forgotten.

That’s how we end tonight, folks – AJ hoisting his title on top of the ladder. We’ll see you tomorrow night for RAW!