Ah, October. Pumpkins, ghoulies and ghosties, a pink ring rope, and Hell in a Cell. No Undertaker, as apparently WWE haven’t cleared him, and he’s being grumpy about it on twitter, but hey, who says you need a scary wrestler at Hell in a Cell?
Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado & Sin Cara vs. Tony Nese, Drew Gulak & Ariya Daivari – Kickoff Match
‘We got some cruiserweights, guys, what do we do with them?’ ‘I dunno, just shove them all in the ring together?’
Prediction: Let’s suggest Sin Cara’s team can have a win. Why not?
Enzo & Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson
Do we care? Possibly another win for The Club boys, as Enzo and Cass can eat any sort of match ending and still be over, so it makes sense, I guess?
Prediction: Gallows & Anderson.
Roman Reigns vs. Rusev – United States Championship Match
We’ve got Rusev fighting for the honour of his wife, and we’ve got Roman fighting for… well, it’s not actually clear, but we’re going to assume he’s fighting for America. It’s probably too early for Roman to take a loss of the title, unless they want him chasing something else, so I suppose he’ll have to hold onto it.
Prediction: Roman to retain.
Dana Brooke vs. Bayley
After the gimmicky arm-wrestling segment we got on Raw this week, I’d be amazed if we get a proper match out of this, maybe they’ll just play pool, or compare haircuts. I’m not sure we’ll get anything over more than a couple of minutes, which is upsetting, because they’re both good, they can both go, but… I don’t know. I’m not feeling a lot of faith in the Raw management at the moment.
Prediction: Dana, using Bayley’s injured shoulder, to take the win.
The New Day vs. Cesaro & Sheamus – Raw Tag Team Championships Match
The New Day are going for the record, because previous record holders Demolition are suing the company, and WWE is a petty, petty business. So they’ll keep ‘em, Sheamus and Cesaro’s teamwork will break down to cost them the match.
Prediction: New Day to retain.
Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte Flair – Raw Women’s Championship Match
The first women’s match in the cell, if this isn’t fucking incredible then I will cry, sell all my wrestling merch, and quit recapping. I swear to god, if this gets fucked up, I’m going to be so, so angry. I want a good, strong match, with no one nearly dying, that’s exciting to watch. That’s all I want. Damn well give it to me. I suspect Sasha’s holding onto that title a little bit longer, just for the moment, and Charlotte will gather more heel heat with every day she’s without it. I just hope her taking on the ‘Flair’ moniker doesn’t mean her dad’s getting involved in this one somehow.
Prediction: Sasha to retain.
TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick – Cruiserweight Championship Match
These two have so much history that it’s really exciting to see them fight over this belt, from TJ’s newfound aggression towards his former mentor, and Brian’s scared, helpless act, it’s going to be a bloody good match, and I can’t wait. I’ve got a feeling Kendrick might pull some dirty tricks to get a win on this one… but either way, we’re going to get a show.
Prediction: Brian Kendrick to win.
Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins – WWE Universal Championship Match
This one’s difficult. I feel like it’s too early for Kevin to lose the title, but at the same point, what better to make Jericho and Kevin implode than the loss of the title, especially if Jericho came back and won it off Seth afterwards, that’d really piss Kevin off. It might just be because I love my heels with their gold, but I love them even more desperately grasping for their greatness again, their self-doubt, their worry… it makes for an interesting combination of bad person, but also relatable. Still, I’m sticking to my guns, and Kevin’s going to keep his title.
Prediction: Kevin Owens to retain.
Now, maybe these make no sense, with only one title change, but then, that’s all we had last time, too, so perhaps they’re saving the big changes for the moment. Or maybe I’m wrong about them being petty enough to give The New Day another fifty days as champs. Let me know!