nxt · Rehash

Rehash: NXT 24th August ’16

This is the first NXT episode after TakeOver: Brooklyn II and – like the first NXT episode after TakeOver: Brooklyn I – the matches tonight were taped at Brooklyn. We’re still at Barclays, not back at Full Sail yet. This is also probably a good 70% recap, just a head’s up. We will be getting matches, but between a whole lot of recapping.

Corey and Tom are talking over video clips from Brooklyn. The clips are in order of the card from Brooklyn, so Austin Aries vs. No Way Jose, Ember Moon vs. Billie Kay, Bobby Roode vs. Andrade ‘Cien’ Almas, Asuka vs. Bayley and Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Samoa Joe.

MATCH: Tye Dillinger vs. Wesley Blake

It took me a second to recognize the entrance here. Hi, Tye. Where’ve you been, man? We haven’t seen you since you got fed to the bizarrely named Oney Lorcan (I still just don’t get anything related to Oney Lorcan, to be entirely honest). I hope you get a win. It’s been awhile.

His vest has one hell of a collar on it. Good lord. It’s a good thing he takes it off before he wrestles; I don’t think he has much head movement with it on.

Tye also looks very happy for the reaction he’s getting and it is a nice reaction.

I know I should know what Wesley Blake’s new entrance is – I think I recapped its first appearance – but I still had no idea it was him. I feel like that there’s so many new entrances – and they’re all so goddamn similar – that it’s hard to remember which one goes to who and that’s a disservice to whatever wrestler pulled the short straw. But that’s just me.

For the reaction, well…Blake is not popular. Let’s just go with that.

He also still feels like a shoddy Tyler Breeze knockoff. Those tassels are still goddamn horrendous, I do not get the random circles on his trunks and I basically don’t get him. Beyond he well and truly pulled the short straw when he, Murphy and Alexa split. Murphy survived (mostly) intact. Alexa did more than survive – she thrived. And then you have Blake.

  • Barclays is chanting “Ten! Ten! Ten!” complete with flashing their fingers and the little smile on Tye’s face is just the best. Blake’s “No, I’m not!” when they change the chant to “Blake’s a zero!” is hilarious.
  • Blake manages to catch Tye with an arm drag and he’s trying so hard to sell this ‘vain, showboating’ thing, but…All I can see is ‘Tyler Breeze 2.0’ and Tyler can’t be replicated. Anyway, Blake gave a little bow and blew a kiss and…No. Good try, mate. Go back and try again.
  • Blake has Tye in a headlock. Barclays is not appreciative. He receives a very impressive chorus of boos while Tye figures out how to escape. Tye escapes, then whips Blake into the corner. You know that thing where a wrestler goes up and over their opponent, who followed them into a corner? Blake did that. Only problem is that Tye didn’t follow him into the corner. Blake’s ‘Huh?’ face when he came down and Tye wasn’t in front of him was hilarious.
  • Tye is now in control of the match. He gave Blake a snapmare, then did a cartwheel. He lands into his signature crouch and starts flashing his fingers in his ‘Ten!’ thing. Barclays is chanting “Ten!” as he does it.
  • Blake does some heel work to regain control of the match – including a thumb to Tye’s eye. Ow. Poor Tye. Bad Blake. Blake gets Tye with a clothesline, then covers for one.
  • Blake is still dominating our poor Perfect Ten and the audience at the Barclays Center is still not appreciative. This time, Blake has Tye in a chin lock. After fighting out of the chin lock, Tye rolls Blake up into a small package pin for two.
  • Blake gets Tye hanging in the ropes, so Tye’s back is to Blake, and hits him in the kidneys, then gets him with a lungblower. After that, Blake covers Tye for two. He tells the referee “That was three!”, before covering Tye again. And once again, Tye kicks out at two.
  • Blake tries a move from the top rope – most likely some form of splash – but he manages to avoid crashing and burning after Tye rolled out of the way. He did not, however, avoid crashing and burning when Tye delivered an arm drag which dropped him hard into the turnbuckle. Ouch.
  • Tye seems to be vibrating with rage. This is going to end well for Blake.
  • Tye levels Blake with two lariats, then rams him head first into the top turnbuckle, then stomps him to the ground. Ouch. He continues to beat on Blake, with things like a side Russian leg sweep and stomping on his eye (an eye for an eye. Shouldn’t’ve poked him, Blake), then rolls down his knee sleeve. Why the reverse side of his black knee sleeve is bright blue, I have no idea. It’s actually kinda distracting. I play the Sims and when a texture is missing off of an object, the object is turned bright blue and that’s what I’m thinking of here.
  • Tye Breaker to Blake and Tye covers him for three.
  • Tye Dillinger wins by pinfall.

That’s good. He’s been needing a win for awhile. And Tye’s smile while he’s standing in the ring and everyone’s chanting “Ten!” is adorable.

And now a recap of Bobby Roode vs. Andrade ‘Cien’ Almas. Also, is Bobby Roode’s finisher seriously called the Glorious Bomb? Please tell me Gargano and Ciampa are getting royalties or credit for that, if it is.

I was wrong. It’s not mostly recap. It’s mostly recap, with some segments you could’ve watched on WWE’s youtube channel. This backstage interview is the video titled ‘Bobby Roode on his glorious NXT debut’.

It sounds like Bobby Roode (it’s so weird to refer to him by only one part of his name, I kinda can’t without it sounding wrong) desperately needs a throat lozenge. Did he spend so much money on his custom made suits and atrocious ring gear that he can’t afford one? Can none of his Fortune 500 buddies lend him one? Like, c’mon, you can get a bag of twenty-five for less than $3 at Walgreens.

Dude, calm down. Your voice is already raspy as all get out, you don’t need to start yelling. You already look a bit like Triple H, you don’t need to sound like him, okay?

Yes, yes, you’re glorious. Yes, yes, you told us all of this shit when you showed up. Stop wrecking your voice just to repeat yourself. The two main places you can see this segment is on the Network and on WWE’s youtube channel. Both of those have search functions. Both of those have your original promo.

Also, you shouldn’t wreck your voice before your oh so important dinner date with those Fortune 500 buddies of yours who can’t afford to lend you a throat lozenge. You may also want to change – I don’t think any restaurants your friends would be frequenting would let some random dude wearing wrestling trunks in.

Now it’s time for a recap of Austin Aries vs. No Way Jose. Lots of Last Chancery, lots of Austin Aries being a dick, and Hideo Itami’s very lovely suit. We get to see Hideo deliver the Go to Sleep to Aries, right before we cut to yet another video you may have already watched on WWE’s youtube channel. This one is ‘A win doesn’t mean victory for Austin Aries’.

Aries is stomping down a hall backstage and he looks pissed. He tells the interviewer to shut up and that he won the match, but he’s not the victor because yet another person interfered with him. Baron Corbin interrupted his debut. No Way Jose interrupted an interview. Hideo Itami interrupted his victory. He’s…Not very happy about it, to put it simply.

He’s pissed at people trying to make their own name at the expense of his. And he’s going to do more than just put Hideo back on the bench for this disrespect – he’s going to end Hideo Itami’s career.

A cut to Corey and Tom and Corey says Aries has “every right” to be upset at Hideo Itami. How Tom made the move from that to the women’s division, I’m still not exactly sure, but we’re jumping into the recap for Asuka vs. Bayley.

At the end of the recap, there’re shots to show us how far Bayley’s come, starting with her when she originally showed up and covering her entire NXT career. It’s overlaid with the audio of her reading her paper from (I believe) high school, detailing what she wanted to be when she grew up. It ends on the “Thank you, Bayley!” chant.

While the NXT Women’s Championship match was one of two matches where I got the ending I wanted, I still kinda feel bad for Bayley. (Though her debut on Raw eases a lot of that, to be entirely honest)

This backstage segment is the video called ‘Ember Moon shows respect to Bayley’, which kinda spoils who’s gonna show up in a minute or so. The interviewer asks Bayley about the match and, yep. I still kinda feel bad for her. Bayley thought she had a home field advantage in Brooklyn, because of her success last year. Poor sweetheart. Bayley says that she’s just very disappointed that it didn’t work out the way she wanted it to.

I had not realized how short Ember Moon is. Which is impressive, considering she was in a match with Billie Kay, who’s one of the taller women in the division. The top of her head does make it past Bayley’s shoulder, though, which is good. I feel like that’s higher than where my head would land.

Ember tells Bayley to proud of her match, because she took Asuka to the limit. Ember says she’s in NXT because of Bayley. It’s a really nice showing of mutual respect between the two – people are predicting that Ember could go on to become the top babyface in the NXT women’s division, which makes this a fitting passing of the torch. While they may not have the TakeOver match that Bayley suggested, I do believe that any of the ‘Big Four’ (WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Survivor Series and the Royal Rumble) would be a fitting setting.

Ember leaves, then we get a cut to Bayley’s debut on Raw. I am so happy for her and I’m really happy that I called her debuting on Raw. She’ll most likely never get her hands on the NXT Women’s Championship again – but I feel like the Raw Women’s Championship is a pretty good consolation prize.

Ahhh. Pain. So much pain. (Translation: We have hit the segment where they recap Gargano and Ciampa vs. The Revival) I don’t think I noticed just how…Surprised Tommaso looked at the reaction they got.

This backstage segment is called ‘There’s just one thing left to do for The Revival’. Props for letting Dash speak, he doesn’t get to do that much (mainly because Dawson is legitimately a better talker). Any time they mention being “scientifically proven” to be the best tag team in the world, my first response is “Show me the research.”

I’m in two classes with a professor who’s three favorite words in the English language are “Research has shown” when strung together in that order (and, yes, that is literally how she says it. I love my psychology professor), so I’m probably never going to let go of Dash and Dawson’s insistence about being “scientifically proven” to be the best tag team in the world until they give me the research.

Dawson says they’re the absolute best tag team on this planet, so hopefully their next plan is dropping the NXT belts, getting on a shuttle and chasing down other tag teams in the galaxy. (No, I’m not bitter at all about them winning on Saturday. Not. At. All)

“All that’s left is to clink me.” (Paraphrased. I may be missing or adding words) I know Dawson does not mean in it in the way my brain took it, but my brain’s interpretation was not helped by both men immediately leaving together.

Now it’s the recap of Shinsuke vs. Joe and please, please, let this nearly be over. Please. It was a good match and I did actually enjoy it, but this is the fifth ‘recap-into-youtube-video’ segment so far tonight. Just let me get to the frikkin’ match already. One thing of note is that this video package recap segment whatever gives us a much better shot of when Samoa Joe’s jaw got dislocated. May he heal quickly.

Shinsuke will be returning next week to talk to the NXT audience as NXT Champion for the first time.

And, yes. Joe’s jaw was merely dislocated, not horrendously broken. Which is better than it could have been, but also makes me think there’s a curse hitting former NXT Champions since Finn had his shoulder dislocated the next day. I’m not saying anything, really…Except we may want to wrap Kevin Owens in bubblewrap.

Up next is TM61 vs. Authors of Pain. Thank god, we’re nearly done.

MATCH: TM61 vs. Authors of Pain

Also known as ‘the one where no one looked good’. Not wrestling wise, I’m sure it’ll be good, but, goddamn. What are those outfits. TM61 comes out first and – instead of wearing the black trunks which are, sure, a little bland, but actually look good on them – Shane Thorne is wearing orange-red and Nick Miller is wearing a shockingly bright shade of blue. No. I disapprove. They don’t even have the ‘We’re huge Broncos fan’ defense which I’d grudgingly let slide – they’re bloody Australian.

Nick Miller’s birthday has apparently recently come and gone – according to Tom – so. Yeah, mate. Happy belated birthday, get eaten alive by two juggernauts.

There are not words to describe whatever is on the Authors of Pain’s heads. So have a picture instead.

Seriously, I can’t think of any words, it’s just…I think some poor intern was sent to a local thrift store with the orders of buying the first piece of black fabric they could find, then were told they needed to chop it up a bit and glue it to a Halloween mask. I honestly feel bad for our two monstrous brutes because they had to wear those things.

The Authors of Pain take off their masks, get into the ring and start assaulting TM61. The bell hasn’t even bloody rung yet and Shane Thorne is already lying on the mat.

Though there was a cool moment when the Authors went to switch victims, presumably intending to throw both members of TM61 into each other, and Nick ducked under while Shane jumped over, allowing for them to blindside their opponents and launch an offense. They manage to throw the Authors out of the ring, then suicide dive onto them, before rolling back into the ring and standing victorious in the center.

I’m reasonably certain this means they’re aren’t coming out the victors, to be entirely honest.

  • The Authors of Pain are now beating the ever loving shit out of TM61. Currently, the Tattooed One is in the ring with Nick and, damn. Nick is getting his ass handed to him. The Tattooed One picked him up for…Something? But Nick managed to roll over his shoulders and make a tag to Shane.
  • Shane presented a pretty good offense, managing to chop the Tattooed One a whole shitton and hit him with a “running leg lariat in the corner” (For my fellow Jeff Hardy fans, that was Poetry In Motion), but was foiled by the Other One’s interference. Shane had been beating on the Tattooed One, the Other One came over, Shane knocked him off the apron and then was promptly hit upside the head by the Tattooed One.
  • What I really want to know from that sequence of events was who yelled “What the hell!” when Nick started climbing into the ring to save his partner. I’m reasonably certain it was the ref, but, dude. Language!
  • While the referee is distracted with Nick and the Tattooed One, the Other One grabs Shane, who was lying on the mat, and pulled him horizontally across the apron to ram him shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Ouch.
  • Fun fact: Shane has ‘pew pew’ written on his hand wraps. And the Flamel cross (you’d probably recognize it from Fullmetal Alchemist) tattooed on the inside of his arm. You’re welcome.
  • The Tattooed One then hauled Shane back into the ring by the jaw – ouch – as Tom finally gives us names! NAMES! GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH, THE AUTHORS OF PAIN FINALLY HAVE FUCKING NAMES! The Tattooed One is Akam, the Other One is Rezar and I will bet you money it’s a reference to Occam’s Razor.
  • Shane Thorne is having a very, very bad day. He’s also very good at cosplaying a rag doll in a tornado, I’ll give him that. He also successfully kicked out of a pin attempt. Go him.
  • After a lot of flailing and some decent offense, Shane manages to get Rezar – who was tagged in during a commercial break – with a jawbreaker, before crawling to his corner. I feel like this episode’s end is slowly closing in, so I think this means Nick is going to eat the pin this time.
  • Nick is giving a very good offense and he managed to get a two count on Rezar, but I’m still of the opinion TM61 is losing tonight. He tags in Shane – maybe I was wrong about who’s getting pinned – and they go to town on Rezar. I’m glad we have names now, but I’d prefer having a name which I didn’t misspell every single time I went to type it. I know we’re trying to make the Occam’s Razor thing subtle, but, c’mon. Just accept it.
  • Near fall again on Rezar. Now it’s the tag to Nick and he and Shane bounced off the ropes for something, but Akam grabbed Shane by the ankle. Nick instead takes a spinebuster off of Rezar, who goes for the cover. Akam lets go of Shane – HE FUCKING LETS SHANE GO – while the referee was still counting, so Shane – of course – breaks up the pin.
  • Ahem. Anyway. The referee is now desperately trying to regain control of this match. All four men are now in the ring, but two of them are slightly more conscious than the other two. And, by that, I mean TM61 is about to be in a shitton of pain and the Authors of Pain are about to pick up the win.
  • Akam and Rezar pick up Shane and Nick, ram them into each other, then powerbomb them. Rezar tags in Akam, they deliver their clothesline-plus-Russian-leg-sweep finisher (which needs a name) and Akam covers Nick for the pin.
  • The Authors of Pain win by pinfall.

And that was that. I’m sorry this took so bloody long to turn around – it’s the first week of the semester, so I’ve been a little busy. Once the semester fully kicks off and I fall back into routine, this will probably be turned around quicker again. See you next week.