GAYWATCH: 17th-24th June ’16

Well, my little bundles of delight, what a week we’ve had! I don’t know about you, but I’ve been busy like a gaywatching bee with all this delicious sexual tension that’s been boiling over our screens lately. It’s the kay-fabulous stylings of Gaywatch, my sweets, and I’m back! Jess did a spectacular job in my place, but as much as shiny new toys feel good, sometimes only the real thing will do, darlings!

It almost feels like the Seth Rollins special edition all over again, my lovelies, with how much the little slut has been parading himself around for the boys. Ah, Seth, we missed you and your desperate, needy little ways – and I’m sure the locker room feel the same. Especially becasue GOOD GRIEF the boy is THICK now, and there’s not a lovely little inch of him that friends and enemies alike don’t want to bite into and reacquaint themselves with. And can you blame them?

Meow! Is it hot in here, or is that just you, big boy? So, first we had Seth and Roman airing their feeling for each other publically on Sunday night, and that was pretty explosive. Seems like Roman’s been missing his little slut puppy, and isn’t so keen to see his little brother come back big and broad and acres of sweet, sweet bulk. Goodness, do excuse me, darlings, but the boy is looking damn good, and we’re all very appreciative here at RR HQ. Roman certainly didn’t seem to be able to keep his hands off his boy, at any rate!

After spending some quality time on top of the Big Dog, however, Seth seemed to grow disinterested in one former lover, and headed over to the next – Dean. Dean, who’s now holding that shiny piece of tat that used to crown Seth, which just serves to make Seth want to crawl over him even more, by the looks of things. Poor boy can’t keep his hands off the new champion! Dean seems a little more reluctant to start things off again, what with his new duties as champion, but let’s face it, no one can resist Seth for very long, and especially now there’s so much more of him to explore.

Not happy with just his former lovers, Seth was also on the lookout for new boys to satisfy him – what a tarty little thing he is, darlings! Goodness knows how the poor man dealt with holding the title, so busy gadding about like a cat in heat. Nevertheless, Dean mediated an introduction to precious gingerbread sunshine Sami Zayn (can you say threesome, sweetness? because we can say threesome!) and it seemed to go well, all things considered. Dean might have called Sami’s ex, Kevin Owens, Sami’s ‘master’ and made comments about leashes, but then, Dean’s just so happy to have his slut puppy back that he wants everyone to have a puppy of their own.

Last, but certainly not least, it’s our Gaywatch darlings – Tyler Breeze and Fandango. These poor boys got cooked to a crisp by the combination of Goldust and R-Truth – a man who’s so ashamed of his looks that he has to hide his face with paint, and a confused man who doesn’t seem to know he’s gone out of style. Whereas Tyler and Fandango have something that never goes out of fashion –  love. And within that passion, they’re also getting to grips with science, knowledge, and basic face mask and skincare routines. You have to love them, sweetlings, just look at them.

Well, darlings, that’s our week! Scorching, wasn’t it? Let us know if there’s anything our researchers missed in their very Seth-centric view of the week, and give us your hot tips of gossip for the next week – maybe those mysterious Wyatt boys will give us something to talk about! We’ll see you next week – and until then, keep it kay-fabulous!

(We would like to state for the record that all views and opinions herein are purely for satirical purposes and have no bearing on the wrestling stars mentioned, nor the real people behind those characters.)