mark my words

Mark My Words: Oh God, We Only Have Four Women

WWE women’s wrestling has been a bit of a mess lately. With so many out injured, out filming, or just plain out for no reason we can adequately explain, the women’s storylines have been… well. For a start, there’s only been one of them.

We actually started off with two, remember that? Two storylines? But then it was decided that we’d get too confused if that was a thing, so they stopped that. Obviously, when your roster is down to a few blondes and a redhead, you have to work with what you’ve got, but there’s something frustrating about them amalgamating two stories together, and then sometimes not even having a women’s match on the shows. Hell, this month’s PPV women’s match, at Money in the Bank, smacks of sheer desperation.

Nattie and Becky vs. Charlotte and Dana. In a tag match. Not for Charlotte’s title, nothing like that, no tension, no meaning. It’s a pre-show match, at best, and that’s me being generous. Not in terms of the skill of the women involved, but in the sense that there’s no storyline, there’s nothing at stake. In a men’s match, we’d at least have some sort of background, some sort of cemented reason, and there’d be some sort of forfeit involved. I’m not saying I want to see Becky vs. Dana in a Kiss Me Arse match, because I really, really don’t, I think they’re much better than that – but I’d like to see something on the line.

Hell, there was no reason that Lana couldn’t have been involved in this match, or Paige, for that matter. Make it a six woman tag because Paige and Charlotte have never got along since the break up of PCB, and let us know at last if she’s a face or a heel, and put Lana with the blonde bitches for the perfect trifecta. They could have built that in two simple matches, Paige interfering in one, Lana in the other – and because of the weird general manager shit we have going on right now, and the brand split, it could have been stipulated that the losing team would be split up and the winning team would get to stay on the same roster. Or that the winning team got to pick their roster. Or the winning team got new ring gear (because women and clothes, right?) or that if someone other than Nattie got the pin, they’d be the number one contender, so then Charlotte would have to watch her own team for signs of mutiny, and Nattie too.

Even if there was a stipulation that later got shut down, we’ve had enough of those in our lives that we’re not going to freak out if the supposed forfeit doesn’t happen, or doesn’t happen in the way we think it should. But right now, the entire women’s division has a storyline that we’re less involved with, and that has less character, than fucking Golden Truth and Breezango. And that’s just not okay.