Results · smackdown

Rehash: SmackDown 19th May ’16

Welcome back to SmackDown, the last show before Extreme Rules this weekend. And of course, that’s how we open the show. We start with a video package taking us through the build to the fatal fourway for the Intercontinental Championship, with a specific focus on the most recent episode of RAW and the tagteam match of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn vs Cesaro and The Miz.

Mauro Ranallo introduces us to the show proper, and we discover that the Miz and Maryse, as well as Sami Zayn, are also present on commentary for the opening match of the evening.

MATCH: Kevin Owens vs Cesaro

Kevin Owens’ music hits and he makes his entrance before I even realize that we are launching straight into a match, followed by Cesaro. I know it’s just the one very nice tearaway suit, but every time I see Cesaro make his entrance this way, a part of my mind imagines a very distressed tailor in a pile of suits backstage weeping.

  • The bell rings and they immediately get into it, Cesaro ducking under Kevin’s blow and hitting him with a series of punches. Kevin manages to get in a few of his own but when he throws Cesaro into the corner and tries to run at him, Cesaro dropkicks him.

  • Kevin rolls out of the ring and Miz yells at him, “Why don’t you get back in there and fight, Owens, fight?”

  • Kevin drags Cesaro out of the ring too, but Cesaro throws him back in. Miz is commentating the match better than Jerry Lawler is. “Look at the strength and power of Cesaro, picking up Kevin Owens – oh, here’s a cover.”

  • Vertical suplex from Cesaro, then some more back and forth, and Kevin makes his way out of the ring again to a derisive, “Run, Owens, run!” from Miz.

  • European uppercut from Cesaro takes Owens to the floor and some more bickering, of course, between Miz, Cesaro and Maryse, allowing Owens to capitalize.

  • Kevin goes for a cover on Cesaro and shouts, “Hey Miz, how’s my close-up?”

  • Sami Zayn trash-talks Miz a little and Kevin Owens goes for another cover in the ring. Cesaro still kicking out.

  • Sunset flip attempt by Cesaro fails, but when Owens tries to capitalize with a splash, he hits Cesaro’s raised knees instead.

  • Kevin Owens hits Cesaro with a Cannonball but Cesaro kicks out of the cover as we cut to commercial.

  • When we come back, the two are striking in the ring, and the camera cuts to Maryse and Miz nuzzling and kissing in the commentator area. Sami Zayn tells them to get a room.

  • Kevin climbs onto the turnbuckle but Cesaro uppercuts him then hits a standing dropkick and a suplex.

  • “Ain’t no party like an uppercut party, cause an uppercut party don’t stop.” “You are a nerd.” Well, you’re not wrong.

  • Cesaro hits Kevin with a crossbody, but Kevin kicks out of the cover.

  • Cesaro blocks a superkick and goes for the Cesaro swing, but Kevin crawls to the ropes and manages to pull away. Kevin crawls out of the ring again, because I’m not sure anyone has explained to him where a wrestling match is supposed to take place.

  • Kevin punches Sami Zayn because, well, what else did you expect, giving Cesaro time to capitalize. Cesaro throws Kevin back into the ring, but pushes Miz over before climbing back in himself.

  • Springboard European uppercut from Cesaro takes Kevin down, and there’s a brief Cesaro swing before Miz climbs onto the apron and Cesaro drops Kevin to attack him, turning back into a superkick from Kevin.

  • Sami Zayn climbs into the ring, giving Kevin times to roll Cesaro up for the three-count.

After the match, of course, Cesaro hits Miz with a European Uppercut, then Sami hits Cesaro with a Helluva Kick, so Miz hits Sami Zayn with a Skull-Crushing Finale. By this point, of course, Kevin is most of the way up the ramp, and he applauds the three men mockingly and shouts at the Miz, “I’m getting my title back!”

There’s a brief aside before anything else about upcoming segments for the evening. Roman Reigns is facing off against Luke Gallows later tonight, and apparently “Chris Jericho checks into the Ambrose Asylum”. I’m already not really thrilled about this, but when one of the commentators decides to double down on this and announces over this graphic that “The one place you never want to find yourself checked into is an insane asylum”, I make an angry noise so loud that I think my neighbours are a little upset with me. Well, they can be upset. I’m too mad about this whole thing.

MATCH: Paige vs Dana Brooke

Paige’s entrance also takes me by surprise, the show moving at a slightly faster clip than I expected, and when we come back from commercial we discover that Becky Lynch is on commentary for this match. As Dana Brooke makes her way to the ring, Becky explains to us that being poked in the eye is the worst injury she’s ever sustained, because double vision means she has to see her face twice. That’s some trash talk that really made me laugh, which is very welcome right now.

  • The bell rings and Paige and Dana Brooke immediately lock up in the middle of the ring. Dana gets Paige against the ropes until the ref breaks it up, then Paige does the same thing to Dana.

  • Paige pulls Dana’s head between the top and middle rope and knees her in the head several times. Becky on commentary reiterates for us that “Paige can be vicious”.

  • Dana gets Paige into the corner and shoulders her in the midsection several times then holds her with a boot to the throat, taking her to the mat with a clothesline when the ref breaks them up in the corner.

  • Dana puts Paige in some sort of submission I don’t manage to identify before Paige turns it into a cover, Dana kicks out.

  • Paige gets another nearfall after some knee attacks, but Dana regains control, hitting Paige with a sitout slam for a successful cover.

All in all that was a fairly bland match, and only a shade over 3 minutes from bell to bell. Dana gestures and appears to be trash-talking Becky as we cut away.

Renee Young is interviewing Rusev and Lana, and we have a brief recap of Rusev’s brutality on RAW this past week. As an explanation, he says that he was “making Kalisto humble” and that he is the greatest champion and plans to retake his title at Extreme Rules.

MATCH: Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

In preparation for Ziggler’s no disqualification match against Baron Corbin at Extreme Rules, Ziggler is facing Sheamus tonight. Sheamus is luminescent as usual, and Ziggler’s hair is kind of starting to grow on me. What’s happening?

  • Ziggler tries to take Sheamus to the mat quickly, but Sheamus is able to recover.

  • An attempt by Sheamus to back Ziggler into the corner is foiled as Ziggler jumps over him, and Sheamus turns around into a dropkick from Ziggler.

  • Ziggler hits Sheamus in the corner with a series of right hands, but takes a kick from Sheamus as the ref breaks them up.

  • Sheamus tries to pick Ziggler up twice, but both times Ziggler is able to escape and land on his feet. However, Sheamus manages to knock Ziggler off his feet with a clothesline.

  • Ziggler kicks out of Sheamus’ cover, but still doesn’t look steady and he rolls to the floor as we cut to commercial.

  • When we return, both men are in the ring and Sheamus appears to be in control with a running knee lift.

  • Sheamus gets Ziggler in a chokehold, but Ziggler fights out, but his superkick is blocked and he is still struggling.

  • A vertical suplex leads to another nearfall, and another chokehold, which Ziggler manages to fight out of by throwing Sheamus out of the ring.

  • Ziggler appears to regain control of the match with a pair of corner splashes, but Sheamus grabs Ziggler into a backbreaker for another nearfall.

  • Sheamus seems to be toying with Ziggler, which is a bad move as Ziggler manages to rally and hit a superkick for the win.

Ziggler stumbles to his feet to celebrate his victory for just a moment, but he looks exhausted after the match as Baron Corbin’s music hits and his Extreme Rules opponent makes his way to the ring. Corbin tells Ziggler that “no disqualification” means that he’s going to hurt Ziggler and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him. Ziggler simply beckons Corbin to bring it.

Someone is really invested in the asylum match being really terrifying, as there are flashing lights and ominous, horror movie inspired music as we come back from commercial to the sight of the steel cage hanging over the ring. Chris Jericho’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring, and we get a brief recap of the feud between Jericho and Ambrose – Jericho brutally murders Mitch the potted plant, Dean destroys Jericho’s needlessly expensive jacket, Jericho puts Ambrose in a straitjacket, all leading up to the steel cage match at Extreme Rules.

Jericho takes a microphone and tells the crowd to be quiet eight times, reminding me powerfully of an assistant principal at an assembly, before he starts to cut a promo about his upcoming match. The steel cage drops over him, and he claims that not only is he smarter than Dean Ambrose, he’s also crazier – people call Dean “the lunatic fringe” but Jericho claims that he, Jericho, is a real lunatic, as evidenced by his actions on SmackDown. More than that, he put Dean in the hospital overnight by breaking Mitch over his head, and he figures that after the match on Sunday, he can get Dean in hospital for another 40 days, breaking down how many days of hospitalization each item in the cage is worth. I’m suspicious of his math, as his numbers don’t add up and I’m fairly sure that Dean’s injuries could heal concurrently, and also this whole promo is fairly ridiculous.

As we are invited to drink in the gift of Jericho once more, a stagehand with a glorious beard walks into frame behind him. Someone have a talk with that man, you’re not supposed to be on camera. You’re ruining the gift of Jericho. Oh, but wait! It’s Dean Ambrose, wearing a false beard and moustache.

Ridiculous fades away to terrifying as Dean throws off his disguise and shoots the deathstare that we’ve all come to know and love at the back of Jericho’s head, before attacking him. As Jericho is on the ground recovering from having his head thrown into the cage, Dean climbs up to fetch a kendo stick and hits Jericho with it until Jericho opens the cage door and flees. Dean kisses the kendo stick and gestures wildly to his cage, as Jericho yells trashtalk at him from the ramp.

MATCH: The New Day & Big Cass vs. The Vaudevillains & The Dudley Boyz

The New Day make their excitable way to the ring as they always do, filling me with a certain joy, and they look so happy to have Big Cass joining them, which just makes me even happier. The Vaudevillain’s entrance is interrupted by a recap of the time machine business from RAW, and a part of me still can’t believe that this is a sentence I am saying.

  • Big E and D-Von start in ring together. Big E hits a belly-to-belly suplex then tags in Kofi for a corner splash.

  • Kofi gets distracted trashtalking his opponents in the corner allowing D-Von to capitalize and tag in Bubba Ray.

  • Bubba Ray goes for a splash but Kofi rolls out of the way, and Bubba Ray collapses in the corner for a Unicorn Stampede.

  • As the Vaudevillains make their way into the ring, Big Cass and the other members of the New Day enter as well to counter.

  • We cut to commercial, and when we come back, Xavier Woods and Bubba Ray appear to be the legal men.

  • Xavier climbs up onto the turnbuckle, and Simon Gotch enters the ring again to distract the ref while Aiden English pushes Xavier off the turnbuckle and into a clothesline from Bubba Ray.

  • Bubba Ray taunts Big Casss who tries to climb into the ring to challenge him, but is sent back out by the ref. Bubba Ray tags in Simon Gotch, and D-Von seems offended that he was not the one tagged in.

  • Gotch tags in English, who beats heavily on Xavier Woods, with two nearfalls before he tags Gotch back in, and they double-team Woods before Gotch goes for another cover attempt, but Woods kicks out at 2.

  • “New Day Rocks” and “How You Doing” chants from the crowd.

  • Gotch tags in English again and they drape Woods over the apron for some more assault. The Dudley Boyz seem really offended by this, either because they don’t like the Vaudevillains’ style or because they just keep tagging in one another and not the Dudleys.

  • English puts his knee to Woods’ throat, but then tags in Bubba Ray who seems to be taking out his aggression on Woods – successfully, until Woods drops him with an enzuigiri. However, Woods is still exhausted and struggles to get to his corner to tag in Big Cass, and by the time he does, Bubba Ray has managed to tag in D-Von.

  • Big Cass clears the ringside, slamming the Vaudevillains and Bubba Ray off the apron and hits D-Von with a shoulder tackle and a corner splash.

  • Cass picks up D-Von and bodyslams him, screaming, “How you doing?!” before going for an elbow drop and a cover, which is broken up by Simon Gotch,

  • Big E enters the ring and belly-to-belly suplexes Gotch. English enters and is thrown back to the ground by Big E. Xavier Woods looks like he’s about to get into it with both Gotch and English outside the ring, when Kofi Kingston climbs into the ring and Big E throws him over the top rope, taking English down.

  • Bubba Ray enters and hits Big E with a big boot before he and D-Von team up on Big Cass. Big Cass manages to fight back, sending D-Von back out of the ring.

  • Big Cass powerslams Bubba Ray then hits another elbow drop for a successful pin.

The New Day gather in the ring for some celebrations, including a nice big hug between Xavier Woods and Big Cass, while the Vaudevillains and the Dudley Boyz look salty at ringside.

Before the main event, there’s a recap of the feud leading up the women’s match at Extreme Rules. Jerry Lawler dismisses Mauro Ranallo talking about Ric Flair being banned from ringside at the upcoming event, saying that he’s just jumping on the anti-Ric Flair bandwagon, but Byron Saxton pipes up that Ric Flair deserves to be banned from ringside. We see a video of the feud starting with the screwjob at Payback – Charlotte talking to referee Charles Robinson to confirm that Natalya verbally submitted, Natalya slapping Ric Flair, Stephanie banning Ric from ringside for the submission match at Extreme Rules.

This segues into Natalya starts out by talking about the history of the Sharpshooter in her family, then Charlotte talking about her father beating everyone with the Figure Four, and how her Figure Eight is even better still. We recall, of course, that Charlotte has tapped to the Sharpshooter before and only did not lose the title because of the shenanigans, and we end with a replay of the moment from RAW with Natalya making Charlotte tap and hoisting her title proudly.

Before we get into the main event, we get a quick “this just in” — the Usos and Gallows and Anderson will, in fact, have a match at Extreme Rules this weekend, thus justifying the fact that we’ve repeatedly sat through them fighting on behalf of their friends for weeks now. They are set to have a Tornado Tag Match, which is actually kind of cool.

MATCH: Luke Gallows (with Karl Anderson & AJ Styles) vs. Roman Reigns (with the Usos)

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson make their way to the ring together, followed by AJ Styles. With the three men waiting in the ring, The Usos enter, followed by Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns. I can’t stop looking at the “Don’t Boo Roman” sign in the crowd behind them as they get set up for their match.

  • Some back and forth between Reigns and Gallows, until Reigns is thrown out of the ring and stops to have a polite chat with the Usos before climbing back in.

  • Reigns blocks a kick, then dodges a blow before backing Gallows into a corner for a series of punches.

  • Reigns picks Gallows up into a fireman’s carry on his second attempt, and hits a Samoan Drop, but Gallows kicks out of the cover at 2.

  • Gallows drops out of the ring, but Reigns capitalizes with a Drive By.

  • Reigns and AJ Styles trash talk each other as Reigns climbs into the ring and Gallows tries to recover from the kick on the outside.

  • When we return from commercial, Reigns has Gallows draped over the ropes, but Gallows recovers and takes Reigns down with a lariat, but he kicks out of the cover.

  • Reigns goes face-first into the turnbuckle, Gallows striking at him aggressively before dragging him into the middle of the ring and hitting a series of elbow drops for another nearfall.

  • Gallows locks in a chinlock, the Usos at ringside acting as a cheer squad for Roman Reigns. Reigns makes it to his feet but takes a headbutt and then a splash from Gallows before he can really recover.

  • “Gallows just doesn’t like Roman Reigns”. Well, neither do a lot of people, but they’re not involved in a lengthy feud with him, so that’s not a reason.

  • Some more striking back and forth, and Gallows seems in control, until Reigns manages to hit a clothesline followed by a leaping lariat.

  • Reigns backs Gallows into the corner for a series of clotheslines, then kicks him to the ground and… stops to glare at AJ for a little while before retreating to the corner and cocking his fist.

  • The locked and loaded fist ends up firing at Anderson as he climbs up onto the apron, and Gallows tries to use this distraction to roll up Roman, but only manages a two-count.

  • Reigns ducks a kick and turns around to hit a superman punch on Gallows, then throws his head back and roars. AJ, however, grabs Roman’s ankle to throw him off-balance, and Reigns turns to him in something like disgust before Jimmy Uso leaps over the steps to attack AJ.

  • There’s a ringside brawl breaking out between AJ, Anderson and the Usos, which Reigns enters with a Drive By on AJ, but I guess he forgot about his opponent in the ring, because he turns around from this into a kick from Gallows.

  • Gallows hits the Gallows Pole, but Roman Reigns manages to kick out just barely in time.

  • AJ Styles appears to send Anderson into the ring, and the bell rings for disqualification as Gallows and Anderson set up for the Boot of Doom.

While Roman Reigns is collapsed from the Boot of Doom, AJ collects some steel chairs and throws them into the ring. However, the Usos have clambered into the ring and attack Gallows and Anderson before they can make use of the chairs. AJ enters to clear the ring, sending Roman out with a dropkick before moving to clear the commentator’s booth.

This is clearly not going to end well for him, as when he moves to pick Roman up, Roman reverses it and throws AJ into the table. Gallows tries to attack Roman from behind, but is intercepted by both Usos who start to brawl with Anderson and Gallows. AJ hits the Phenomenal Forearm on Roman, then grabs him and together they roll over the booth as we fade to black.

See you all on Sunday at Extreme Rules!