Kayfabe Korner

Kayfabe Korner: Life’s A Mitch

Chris Jericho.  Drink him in.  Man, I bet his girlfriend’s tired of hearing that.  He single-handedly saved us from Y2K (for all you younglings out there, that was when all the computers were gonna rise up and kill us on 12 am on January 1st, 2000.  It was a spectacular battle that ended when Jericho put the Mainframe into the Walls of Jericho).  He is the greatest at what he does.  What he does exactly is up to interpretation.  Wrestler?  Talk show host?  Dad fashion?  Who knows.  But he’s the best at it.  He’s had the WWE Championship Belt countless times.  So many times Wikipedia won’t give me a solid answer when I try to look it up.  Amazing.  

Then AJ Styles walked into his life.  Oh wait that’s been resolved.  What was that feud about again?  I just remember Jericho burning shit.  And reading fanfic in the dark.  And chanting AJ Styles.  Like a lot.  In a very creepy way.  Like he was gonna fuck him or kill him.  Or both.  Like honestly, this isn’t Gaywatch but you could cut that sexual tension with a knife.  The ‘fuck me’ eyes they were giving each other, damn.  

What was this article about?

Then Dean Ambrose walked into his life.  Or rather Chris Jericho walked into Dean while Dean was walking back after his one minute fight with Tyler Breeze.  Honestly, such disrespect.  

While Chris was the special guest on his own talk show, Highlight Reel, Dean Ambrose came out on Shane McMahon’s orders to replace the Highlight Reel with The Ambrose Alley (fuck the Ambrose Asylum and fuck you).  Jericho, mad about Dean just doing what his boss told him to do, and daring to question his scarf, proceeds to beat up Ambrose for being a good employee.

Dean was really happy to be a host.  He had a sign, he had a plant.  He got to talk to Natalya.  It was a good time for him.  

And he had his new best friend, Mitch the Plant!  They had been through a lot.  Three-ish weeks of camaraderie, traveling together, telling each other their secrets, photosynthesizing in the sun, as bros do. Mitch was a beacon of support for Dean in his new endeavor to create the best talk show WWE has ever seen.

At Payback 2016, Dean was able to beat Jericho, ensuring the long run of the Ambrose Alley (hahaha fuck you) for years to come.

The next night on RAW, Stephanie McMahon cancelled the Ambrose Alley (FUCK.  YOU.) and reinstated the Highlight Reel.  Dean, visibly upset, started to walk back up the ramp when Jericho threw Mitch the Plant at Dean’s head.  God how messed up is this.  Hurting Dean with his best friend, killing said best friend in the process.  This is some anime shit guys.  

Now, Jericho always prided himself on his sense of fashion.  Expensive scarf, light up jacket, middle-aged-speedo-dad trunks, inability to wear a shirt.  I bet everyone’s eyes turn on him at PTA meetings and neighborhood barbecues.  To insult Jericho’s clothing is to insult fashion itself.  Dean may not be known for his natural high fashion instinct, but even he had to be able to see the genius that goes into every outfit Jericho puts together.  

Maybe that’s why Dean destroyed Jericho’s $15000 dollar jacket.  He knew that this was war.  A $150000 jacket.  Wow.  $1500 put into a jacket.  Dean ruined a $15000000 jacket.  $150 down the drain.  $15000.  Gone.  Just like that, $150000 was destroyed.  Yes, the physical coast may have been $150000000, but the emotional cost?  Immeasurable.  

Considering this feud is about talk shows, I’m surprised that Miz TV hasn’t gotten involved, but then again the Miz is busy being a trophy husband.  

Speaking of that, amazing that Maryse is satisfied with a man who has merely the Intercontinental Title.  Like wow, sweetie, set your sights higher.  Like Kalisto, he’s the US Champ AND a dragon.  Honey, come on.  

(Disclaimer: man who’s excited for Cena to come back?  LMAO FUCK THAT ROLLINS IS COMING BACK.)