Rehash · smackdown

Rehash: SmackDown 5th May ’16

Greetings, and welcome to SmackDown for this week! Jess again, and I still haven’t recovered from Monday Night RAW in many important ways, and I can see I’m not alone in this – there’s an RIP MITCH sign in the crowd that I spy as the camera pans across.

The first thing that we address is that the main event is going to be a tag-team match, pitting the Usos against Gallows and Anderson. The second thing is that Jericho’s music hits and we’re opening with an episode of the Highlight Reel and a recap of what happened with the Ambrose Asylum on Monday Night RAW. “Ambrose has found out that payback is a Mitch” says one of the commentators, though I’m afraid I wasn’t paying attention to which one it was, and I don’t know whether to keep mourning the potted plant or roll my eyes out of my head at that terrible pun.

Jericho announces that Ambrose was hospitalized to recover from being beaten by the extremely heavy potted plant and hence won’t be in attendance at SmackDown, and the crowd chants “You suck!”. When he gives the crowd “the gift of Jericho”, the crowd only gets angrier. His guest for tonight being Sami Zayn makes things a little better, though, because no one can be mad while that music is playing.

This leads into a recap of the match between Cesaro and Kevin Owens on Monday night, including Sami running in and grabbing a hold of the IC title. Jericho calls Sami Zayn a sore loser and a dirty thief and demands to know what kind of human being he is. Sami says he’s pretty decent, though he is jumping on the Ambrose train of criticizing Jericho’s scarf.

Sami continues to try to explain himself when The Miz and Maryse make their way to the ring as well. Miz cuts a pretty intense promo where he refers to the IC title as his baby and uses female pronouns to describe it, which distracts from the fact that apparently his idea of an insult is to call Sami Zayn a “serial coattail rider”. Sami fires back with the incredibly mature of poking the title while asking, repeatedly, if that’s what Miz doesn’t want him to touch. When Jericho jumps in to note that he wouldn’t stand for that if someone did the same to his fifteen thousand dollar jacket, Sami starts poking Jericho in the shoulder instead, though he makes sure he gets in another good dig about Jericho’s fashion choices.

Can we have a new show which is just Sami Zayn and Dean Ambrose critiquing everyone’s fashion choices? I would watch that, I’m just saying.

Jericho storms out of the Highlight Reel in a huff, leaving Miz, Maryse and Sami to argue amongst themselves. After a little more back and forth, Sami demands that they fight right now and they scuffle for a bit before Miz rolls out of the ring.

MATCH – Sami Zayn vs. The Miz (with Maryse)

We cut to an ad break, and we cut back with the two men in the ring together, the furniture from the Highlight Reel having been removed, and the bell ringing to signal the start of the match.

  • After a bit of back and forth Sami hits a hat-trick of arm drags on the Miz and throws him into the corner.

  • Sami stands on the rope to punch Miz a few times, but Miz pulls him off balance by the leg and puts the boot in while Sami’s laying next to the ropes.

  • Sami gets to his feet and is back in control with a leg lariat but Miz kicks out of the cover.

  • Miz kicking and punching Zayn, and Maryse tosses her hair like there’s nothing she’d rather be watching.

  • Sami sends Miz over the top rope and gets his lower back pushed into the apron when he tries to follow him, but I couldn’t be happier to see a beautiful moonsault by Zayn off the barricade.

  • Sami Zayn throws Miz back into the ring, but gets distracted when Kevin Owens’ music hits. Rather than continue to pay attention to what he’s doing, he stands and watches Kevin Owens approach.

  • When we come back from another ad break, Miz is in control and Kevin Owens is in commentary.

  • “Yes, very nice, Miz, you should be very proud of yourself. You climbed onto the top rope, then jumped onto your own feet and hit him with your fist.” I love Kevin Owens on commentary, he’s gold.

  • A victory roll by Sami Zayn on the Miz, but he kicks out at 2.

  • Miz ends up going over the ropes again, and Sami jumps after him. When he hits the table, Kevin demands to know what his problem is, but reminds him to pay attention to his match instead of arguing with him.

  • This is shortlived because as soon as Sami takes Miz back into the ring, Kevin Owens rushes in after him.

The bell rings and both Kevin Owens and The Miz start beating on Sami Zayn. Cesaro runs in and starts a series of uppercuts on Kevin and Miz, accidentally hitting Sami with one when Miz moves out of the way, before picking Miz up for a swing. Miz grabs for Maryse’s hand, and she ends up dragged into the ring after him rather than the other way around. When Kevin interferes, Miz and Maryse make their escape, and now it’s Cesaro’s turn to put his hands on Miz’s baby and he hoists the title up proudly.

I’m still convinced this is leading into a fourway at Extreme Rules.

We recap the shenanigans following the RAW 6-man tag team main event: Gallows and Anderson encouraging AJ to beat a subdued Roman Reigns with a steel chair and AJ refusing, the resultant fight between AJ and the Usos, and eventually, Roman proving that he doesn’t need the Shield to powerbomb someone through an announcer’s table.

This leads into a backstage promo with AJ Styles and his boys, where AJ is told that “back in the day” they know he wouldn’t have thought twice about beating Roman with the steel chair while he couldn’t fight back. Naturally, AJ Styles points out that it isn’t back in the day, and he wants to become champion by himself and on his own terms, but Anderson points out that Roman clearly doesn’t share these same standards — after all, he powerbombed AJ through the table.

AJ seems to consider this for a moment before deciding to go have a talk with Roman Reigns on that subject.

The commentary team again describes what happened to Enzo Amore at Payback, including showing the video again, and I can’t even explain how uncomfortable it makes me. A man was injured, we don’t need to watch it over and over. The important detail here, however, is that this result means that the Vaudevillains are the new number one contenders for the tag team titles and will be facing The New Day at Extreme Rules.

MATCH – The Vaudevillains vs. Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas (The Social Outcasts)

The Vaudevillain’s entrance is spliced together with a quick video promo about how the New Day are a group of clowns masquerading as wrestlers, and how they want the new era to be representative of a bygone era where wrestlers were wrestlers and champions were respectable.

  • Curtis Axel and Aiden English start in the ring together. Axel is led very quickly into the Vaudevillain’s corner and English tags in Gotch for some dual offense before English steps out leaving Axel and Gotch together.

  • Both men go for a clothesline at the same time, sending them both to the floor, and both manage to scramble to their corners to tag in their partners.

  • Dallas powerslams English, and Gotch breaks up the pin. Axel jumps in to throw Gotch back out of the ring and gets thrown to the ground himself.

  • A big kick to Dallas’s head throws him off balance, and English tags Gotch back in for the Whirling Dervish.

  • Gotch pins Dallas for an easy victory.

The Vaudevillains pose in the ring as they tend to do, but then Enzo and Big Cass’s music hits and Cass walks in. It’s a sort of awkward speech about how the two look like they just walked out of Sherlock Holmes, trying to solve the mystery of which one of them is going to get whooped Spoiler alert: It’s both of them.

Cass beats down as promised and looks positively baffled as Curtis Axel starts trash-talking the Vaudevillains about how sawft they are, eventually landing an East River Crossing on him just to get him to shut up.

More recaps: at Payback, Vince McMahon told Shane and Stephanie to stop arguing and just share responsibility for Monday Night RAW, leading to Stephanie offering Shane a newly framed version of the picture of Vince and Shane as a peace offering.

MATCH – Natalya & Becky Lynch vs Emma & Charlotte

Natalya enters first, and we get a brief recap of the screwjob at Payback and Natalya getting her revenge on lich king Ric Flair on RAW. She looks pretty happy with herself, both in the recap and as she’s posing in the ring. Becky makes her way down too, and JBL makes some crack about how bad her hair apparently is. Becky’s hair looks amazing as always to me, though. JBL is definitely not welcome on the Zayn/Ambrose fashion critic show.

Emma and Charlotte make their way to the ring as well, and Ric is there with her and I am sad because I had forgotten that his ban from ringside was only for the submission match at Extreme Rules. I just really want to see Charlotte by herself without him. Is that unreasonable?

  • Natalya and Charlotte start in the ring together. Charlotte puts Natalya in a side headlock, which is reversed into a headscissors, and then the same thing happens in reverse.

  • Natalya locks in a front facelock and walks Charlotte back to tag in Becky, who hits a pair of leg drops on Charlotte. Charlotte kicks easily out of the pin.

  • Becky tags Natalya back in, and Natalya immediately goes for a roll-up, but Charlotte kicks out easily and throws a kick into Natalya’s face. Natalya kicks out at 2.

  • Emma throws her leg up on the top rope so Charlotte can throw Natalya into it. Emma tags in and kicks Natalya a few times in the corner before pulling her back so she can perform the same maneuver into Charlotte’s boot.

  • Charlotte comes back in and wraps Natalya’s arms over the ropes for a couple of slaps, before tagging hair-pulling Emma back in to put Natalya’s scalp through her paces.

  • Emma fails to pin Natalya but trash-talks Becky a little before tagging Charlotte back in to beat on Natalya a little harder.

  • Charlotte locks in a headlock on Natalya but she manages to break the hold. Charlotte tries to drag Natalya to the corner and tags in Emma, but Natalya reverses just in time and scrambles to tag in Becky.

  • Becky hits Emma with a leg lariat. “The Irish lass-kicker treating Emma like an internet troll” is a comment from the commentary team that is lost on me, honestly, so I hope it makes sense to someone.

  • Charlotte pulls Emma out of the ring to safety after Becky hits her with a splash and a back-kick in the corner, and when Becky starts yelling at Charlotte to stop interfering, takes a forearm from behind from Emma.

  • Emma throws Becky back into the ring and officially tags in Charlotte. Charlotte locks Becky’s head between her thighs and we cut to commercial with Becky in a submission.

  • When we come back, Charlotte is now working Becky’s leg, so I suppose she must have broken the previous hold somehow.

  • Charlotte goes for the Figure 8, but Becky reverses it into a roll-up. Charlotte kicks out.

  • Becky hits and kicks Charlotte several times, but when she bounces off the ropes, she runs into a big kick from Charlotte. Becky kicks out.

  • Emma tags back in and grabs another big handful of Becky’s hair, before draping her over the ropes and holding her in place by the hair so Charlotte can get in a cheap kick to Becky’s face.

  • Charlotte tags back in and forearms Natalya off the apron. When Natalya gets back up and tries to get in Charlotte’s face, the ref is distracted long enough for Emma to get in another kick on Becky.

  • Emma tags back in and manages to fight Emma off with a few kicks, and Natalya and Charlotte tag back in.

  • Natalya well in control with a dropkick to the face and Nattie By Nature, before trying to lock in the Sharpshooter, but Charlotte manages to tag Emma back in.

  • Emma hits Natalya with a double underhook suplex, then a running crossbody, but Becky disrupts the pin. Charlotte comes in to try to fight Becky off, and gets thrown back out of the ring.

  • Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter on Emma, who taps out.

Charlotte looks furious, and Natalya blows her a kiss before embracing her tag partner Becky and shooing Emma and Charlotte out. Charlotte yells back “I’m still the champ!”. In all, the match as shown, excluding commercial breaks, was just over 10 minutes long, and the whole segment approximately 16 minutes.

Roman Reigns is backstage somewhere, chatting with the Usos and admiring his Heavyweight Championship title – or so it looks, at least. AJ Styles walks in, and Roman tells him that “it takes a lot of guts, coming up in here alone”, and it’s hard to tell if that’s just a comment or a veiled threat. AJ definitely does start making threats, or so Roman seems to think, as he points out that he chose to take the high road on RAW instead of beating Roman with a chair, but he won’t do that next time. As for whether Roman is going to be present at the main event on SmackDown tonight when AJ’s boys fight Roman’s family? He’ll be anywhere he wants to be.

MATCH – Zack Ryder vs. Rusev (with Lana)

Rusev glares his way down the ramp to where Zack Ryder is waiting for him in the ring. We get a brief recap of the Battle Royal from Monday Night RAW, where Zack Ryder was the last man eliminated, leaving Rusev the number one contender for the US title.

  • Zack Ryder hits a pair of dropkicks almost immediately, and Rusev rolls out of the ring. Ryder follows him, and sends him face-first into one ring post, then another, before throwing him back into the ring.

  • Ryder takes a couple of big kicks as he tries to climb into the ring after Rusev, and gets picked up into a pair of gutwrench suplexes.

  • Rusev locks in The Accolade, and Ryder very hastily taps out.

Lana complains to Ryder about the bump forming on Rusev’s head from the charge into those ringposts, but then Kalisto flies in, landing a springboard corkscrew before running out again.

Fandango appears to be teaching Goldust how to dance properly in a hallway when they are interrupted by R-Truth and Tyler Breeze. Well, by R-Truth, at least – Breeze doesn’t say anything, too absorbed in his selfies, and eventually goes to take a seat in the background gazing at his own reflection rather than participate in whatever ridiculousness is happening in front of him. Fandango gyrates for R-Truth, who asks Goldust to beatbox for him while he shows off his own moves. Fandango challenges The Gorgeous Truth to face Goldango the following week.

MATCH – Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. The Usos

Gallows and Anderson make their way in to the ring, followed by AJ Styles. The Usos then make their way down, followed by Roman Reigns. Roman and AJ take positions outside the ring to watch the action as the match begins.

  • Jey Uso and Karl Anderson begin in the ring together. Jey slaps Anderson in the face, then backs him into a corner, and eventually goes for a crucifix rollup but Anderson kicks out.

  • “That was one of the Usos performing that, right?” Really?

  • Anderson gets Jey against the ropes, but Jey jumps up to hit a dropkick to Anderson’s face, taking Anderson to a sitting position..

  • Jey tags in Jimmy and they double-team Anderson, but he kicks out of Jimmy’s pin.

  • An attempt at a crossbody gets Jimmy thrown out of the ring. Roman tries to help him to his feet, but the ref stops him. Anderson kicks Roman in the head as he stands too close to the ropes.

  • Roman leaps into the ring to retaliate, and as the bell rings, the match descends into a 6 man brawl as everyone else jumps in on defense.

Referees rush the ring to separate them, as AJ is fighting Jey Uso in one corner, Jimmy Uso is locked up with Anderson in another and Roman has Gallows in a third. The referees are followed by security, who drag them apart as the crowd chants, “Let them fight!”.

It looks as though AJ, Gallows and Anderson are about to leave up the ramp when AJ grabs a microphone and demands that they be allowed to finish what they started.

MATCH – AJ Styles, Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. Roman Reigns & The Usos

When we come back from an ad break, all 6 men are staring each other down in the ring, and the bell rings to start the match.

  • AJ Styles and Roman Reigns start in the ring together. Roman tries to get AJ off the ground, but AJ is struggling too much, so he bounces him off the ropes and drops him with a clothesline instead.

  • Roman picks AJ up into a fireman’s carry but AJ drops out before it can come to anything.

  • AJ takes Roman into the corner, and Anderson tags in.

  • Chanting from the crowd – “AJ Styles” and “Let’s go, Reigns”. Or so the commentators translate for me, I can’t actually work out what they’re saying.

  • Roman goes for a cover on Anderson, but he kicks out and tags in Jey Uso. However, for a moment, all three of them are in the ring ganging up on Anderson.

  • Jey tries to pin Anderson but he kicks out and manages to tag in Gallows.

  • Gallows throws Jey into the ropes and Jimmy tags in.

  • Jimmy Uso goes over the rope and Gallows kicks him to the ground, throwing his head into the apron before throwing him back into the ring and going for a pin, with a kickout at 2.

  • Gallows gets Jimmy into the corner and hits him with several strikes before Anderson tags in, landing a kick to Jimmy’s head, before tagging in AJ Styles.

  • AJ goes for a corner clothesline, and tries to throw Jimmy off the ropes. Jimmy hits him with an enzuigiri, and AJ crumples.

  • Jimmy tags in Roman Reigns, as AJ tags in Anderson. Roman is very much in control of Anderson, landing a series of corner clotheslines then turning around to slap AJ off the apron.

  • Roman locks and loads for a Superman punch to Gallows, then another to AJ. This gives Anderson a chance for a cover, but Roman kicks out just in time.

  • Jey Uso charges across the ring to take down Gallows, and Roman fires off another Superman punch, this time at Anderson. He throws his head back and roars, but runs into a forearm from AJ Styles before AJ is dragged out of the ring again and Anderson gets another nearfall on Roman.

  • A Spinebuster by Anderson leads to another cover, but Roman is still able to kick out.

  • Spear by Roman Reigns to pin Anderson for the win; AJ is visibly in the background trying to get in to disrupt the pin, but someone just off-screen (presumably one or both Usos) is holding him back.

Roman Reigns and AJ Styles stare each other down as Roman hoists the title again. We are reminded, of course, that they will be having a rematch at Extreme Rules. AJ looks faintly sad in this shot, and I’m not quite sure why.

So that was this week’s SmackDown – we’ll see you again soon!