Well, another month means another pay-per-view is here and this time we have the poorly named Payback. (Editor: If it’s anything like WrestleMania, it should be called Ask-For-Your-Money-Back) One match on the whole card – count it, one – has any sort of real grudge going into this pay-per-view.
Well done, WWE, your story shall… well frankly bore me at the very least! Anyway, on to the predictions! (Editor: Jordan’s here to try his hand at predictions for us, so I have more time on a PPV weekend! Hooray for Jordan! My wife thanks you.)
Pre-Show: Kalisto vs. Ryback – United States Championship Match
Yet again, another title match on the pre-show, which is becoming far too common for my liking and does nothing to prove that being US champ means anything. I honestly can’t believe I’m sat here wishing for a return to the days of John Cena being the champion. Going into this match there’s no story, thus no reason to care and frankly will be maybe fifteen minutes of Ryback messing about before Kalisto pulls a win out of nowhere.
Prediction: Kalisto to retain – win via pinfall
Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. The Vaudevillains – #1 Contender Tag Team Tournament
I believe this match will at least be entertaining as both teams are excellent ring talents and Enzo’s mic skills will no doubt be a lot of fun. That aside, I don’t know why this match is happening here – surely Raw should have had this match – and we really ought to be seeing The New Day fighting the winner, rather than the final stage on the #1 contendership road. The tag team tournament has been fun to watch, at least, and this should be an excellent end to it all.
Prediction: Enzo and Cass to win via pinfall – let’s face it, everyone loves them and wants to see them battle The New Day.
Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
And let the matches with no real rhyme or reason to them begin with this. So these guys, for reasons best known to the world of asking questions later, have been beating the absolute hell out of each other for weeks now (I assume because Baron Corbin is actually a werewolf and assumes Ziggler’s ass is a full moon. That’s about all I have to say on this one).
Prediction: Baron Corbin to win via pinfall, post End of Days.
Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho
The match of the talk shows: which is better – Jericho’s Highlight Reel or the Ambrose Asylum?
The story here seems to be that Jericho has an issue with Shane saying Dean could have a show of his own and rather than taking that out on the person who’s responsible he’ll take out his frustrations on Dean himself. Great story telling, WWE, but at least these guys are both capable of great work, and Jericho will hopefully do the right thing and put Dean over because frankly he needs and deserves it.
Prediction: Dean Ambrose to win via pinfall.
The Miz vs. Cesaro – Intercontinental Title Match
This one, dear readers, I like for the reason being that this is a simple story: The Miz has something that Cesaro wants. The Miz is a bit of a wanker. Cesaro mocks him for this. A simple and effective storyline that has actually made me excited to see these guys go at it.
Prediction: Cesaro wins via DQ, due to Maryse’s interference – so The Miz retains.
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
Okay, so this is good. This is the match I am personally most pumped for on the whole card.
Zayn vs. Owens for the first time, one on one, on the main roster, live on PPV. AND AND AND IT HAS A STORY THAT IS ACTUALLY ABOUT PAYBACK! I love this! These guys were best friends, then Owens turned on Zayn for personal glory, and Zayn is understandably still pissed off by this. The story has had a long time to build; they have been in each other’s business and faces for months, and one can argue that Zayn cost Owens the belt at Mania. I expect this to be the match of the night – and hopefully a candidate for match of the year. (Editor: I really, really hope so. If this is disappointing, I shall have to cry.)
Prediction: Sami Zayn to win via pinfall.
Charlotte vs. Natalya – WWE Women’s Championship Match
First and foremost, the fact I am saying Women’s Championship makes me so happy I can hardly contain myself – it’s been a long time coming. So, Charlotte’s now happily cheat and turning into Ric Flair: The Female Edition – because she’s a Flair and thus can’t have merits on her own right; she needs daddy to help. Nattie has obviously taken exception to this, and to even the odds has enlisted the help of her uncle: Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart. We saw these two fight at Roadblock, and the match was solid, if a bit of a ‘why is this happening’ match. A repeat performance with an actual storyline should be a good watch if given enough time to develop.
Prediction: Charlotte to win via Figure Eight.
Next up we have Shane and Steph McMahon! To whom will Vinnie Mac give control of Monday Night Raw? I thought this was meant to be resolved at WrestleMania but it seems not, because of reasons! DONT ASK QUESTIONS JUST WATCH AND ACCEPT IT. Look, its going to go to Shane; people cheer Shane and we like to cheer. The change from Shane to The Authority is basically that we cheer at the start of Raw instead of booing, but hey, it’s a thing that fills time, right? I’m pretty sure everyone loses here.
AJ Styles vs. Roman Reigns – WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
I’m going to start this one off simply. AJ cannot win. It isn’t happening, get over it. Be sad, hate it all you want, he is going down to Reigns. Story-wise here, we are meant to think that former Bullet Club members Anderson and Gallows are there for team AJ, to back him up and help him win the belt – and isn’t AJ bad for that while Reigns works alone? The issue here is AJ does not want help, does not need help, and has found the whole idea of help pretty baffling. The most I can hope for is that it turns out Gallows and Anderson end up helping Reigns, cementing an overdue heel turn for Reigns.
Prediction: Reigns to take the win, but I’m pretty sure the real losers here are the fans.