GAYWATCH: 9th-16th April ’16

Greetings, fellow Gaywatchers, and here we all are for another kay-fabulous edition of your favourite round up of all the gay gossip from WWE. We’ve all been simply salivating since last week, with that new tart AJ Styles making a scene, and Kevin Owens still not choosing who he wants to sleep with out of all the paramours on offer. Look, Kevin, just line them up by dick size and go from there, like a good size queen should.

We’ll start with an oldie but a goodie today, with wrestler and trainer Lance Storm – he’s the one responsible for lovely Dolph Ziggler and stunning Tyler Breeze looking like they’ve been piledriven in a completely different manner whenever they hit the mat, and more praise to him for that – suggests we caption this little delight. Now, far be it from me to criticise a man who gave us Dolph’s orgasm face as a pain reaction, but I think he’s being a teensy bit indiscreet with this one! I know he’s touted as the master of selling, but I didn’t know that also included selling his protégés to us; however, we’re certainly not complaining! Seems our young master Ziggler rather likes to be put over someone’s knee, and from that, we can only infer he also rather likes to be taken roughly from behind. Steady on, Lance, don’t bring us all to our knees just yet, darling – save something for later!

Crowd darling Cesaro is back, with his wonderful suit-stripping still something to make us all thrill to our toes, and he’s been taking on that big, vicious bear Kevin Owens. It seems like all the boys want to play with Kevin, but none of them want to commit while he’s still hung up on his precious gingerbread sunshine, Sami Zayn. I can’t say I blame them either, Kevin, you’ve got to stop being such a flirt – you’re not getting any younger! Lovely Cesaro puts of quite a show for us anyhow, proving he knows how to turn a big burly bear like Kevin into a puppy eating out of the palm of his hand. And really, who could say no to those white trunks?

It seems to be a little trouble in paradise for our favourite couple, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. We didn’t see much interaction between them – aside from a dark match at the end of Raw where Roman ruffled the hair of his lover afterwards, and the two of them embraced. But it seems like both are looking for pastures new, or perhaps just opening up their relationship a little to include new partners. Whatever it is, it’s leading to some rather strange bedfellows – but no less attractive pairings for that.

Firstly, Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt struck an uneasy accord for a match against those lovely League of Nations boys, sans Barrett, who’s been unceremoniously brogue kicked out. The seemed to work well together, with Bray being actually trustworthy, and we all know how highly Roman value the ability to trust his partner, with all that entails. One might almost think he’s got a little submissive in him, for the way he’s so obsessed with trusting his partners – though I believe a certain Seth Rollins would argue that it isn’t little at all. After the match, Bray went in for a hug, that Roman demurred with a little look on his face like he wasn’t quite sure what was going on – but we all know the chemistry is there, and has been for years, since The Shield feuded with the Wyatt Family. Still, if Roman does want to cheat on Dean, or open their relationship up, you might think he could find someone – shall we say –  a little more attractive.

Meanwhile, Dean’s other option appears to be AJ Styles’ ex-something, Chris Jericho! None of us could have expected that, although the two have a little showmanship in common. Jericho leaves little to the imagination in trunks, and his brash style on the mic may be what has attracted Dean, but honestly, you’d think these boys could stick to one lover a week just to give our precious researchers a break. They’re heartsick at how many Dalton Castle matches they’re missing, honestly, their little hearts are just breaking open. Jericho likes to call Dean ‘boy’ in front of crowds, though, so I can’t see this ill-advised little dalliance lasting very long at all.

Anyway, Roman’s spotted wandering around gripping his dick a lot, so perhaps all this gadding about has finally caught up and he’s got himself the seven-year itch, and he’ll learn it’s better to stay tied up with Dean – and maybe literally – than try out pastures new.

Poor boy obviously needs a security blanket. So, that’s us for the week, my little homodelicious delights! We’ll be back next week with more scintillating news, and until then – keep it kay-fabulous!

(We would like to state for the record that all views and opinions stated here are purely for satirical purposes and have no bearing on the wrestling stars mentioned, nor the real people behind those characters.)