It’s here! The Grandaddy of them all, not that Vince likes us saying that! I’m very, very happy to be here for your pre-show, at least, because I’ve been in hospital for the last three days! I’m still in the hospital, doped up and full of meds, but I’m so glad to be here and sharing this with you all, I really am.
So we’re starting off in the in the sky section with a glorious Renee Young, who looks like something from a red carpet celebration, Lita and Booker T, and we see that a disgruntled looking Corey Graves in the chaos of the crowd. He says there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, but… he doesn’t look like that. Later on he gets a Corey Graves chant that seems to cheer him up.
Tom Phillips and Cathy Kelly are in the social media lounge, looking sharp! Loving this! God, I’m so excited.
We start off backstage with Jojo talking to KO, who’s not happy that he’s being asked about this match, and whether he’s thought it through. He’s not impressed with Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, Sin Cara, Zack Ryder, or Stardust – and he’s certainly not afraid of Sami Zayn. In fact, he doesn’t even know the man! I get interrupted to take some pain meds, but I get to carry on watching Renee look wonderful and Booker T look baffled.
The dad ship is alive and well, with Jericho reliving his glory days, pictures of him from all the way through his career, while of course, we can only see pics of AJ Styles from the last few weeks, because he totally never did anything else before this, right? He only learnt to wrestle in January, huh? Lita dares to say something about her
We get some dancing crowd shots with Corey, and girl from Liverpool – we British women get everywhere, and wherever we go, we’re the best. Just saying.
There’s a REALLY LONG AND AWESOME Diva’s promo for the triple threat match, that takes us through from the history of the women’s championship up to now, and Lita talks about how there’s always been the talent, but there’s always been something in the way. She says that the women being in the middle of the poster keeps giving her goosebumps – and it does the same thing to me. It’s incredible to see these women dead centre, actually headlining WrestleMania, where they should be. Lita says she has an announcement in an hour, and I’m excited for that. Hopefully we’ll get some info tonight, or Monday, about this possible women’s championship changeover, to get away from that damn pink butterfly. C’mon, ladies.
Corey Graves is getting lost in the stadium while looking for the craft beer section, poor lamb, but at least he’s got a snazzy jacket on.
Andre the Giant memorial match ‘at least a dozen’ members of the roster will be there. No sign on numbers and people yet, I guess, so we’ll have to wait for that.
Tag team talk has Renee saying ‘deep thrust actions’ about The New Day, which leads nicely into a video package for Brock Lesnar and Dean Ambrose. God, this is a lovely promo package, and I’m so excited for this match, with Brock being this immovable object against Dean’s unstoppable force, his complete refusal to feel pain vs. Brock’s apparent inability to feel anything.
Paul Heyman is a little upset that people are calling it Dean vs. Brock, because obviously Lesnar is the star, and that’s the way it goes. He says Lesnar will suplex Dean as many times as he needs to, in order to make sure that he stays down. He also laughs beautifully at the idea of Dean conquering his beast.
Renee leads the discussion about Dean’s possibilities, about how he’s got weapons and the strength to keep on going, but Booker T says Dean’s going to die tonight. Shh, Booker, don’t say that in front of his girlfriend – and certainly don’t say it near Roman Reigns!
Hall of Fame recap, so we can see everyone in their suits, looking sharp and awesome, and we can see Sting look weird without his face paint as he retires. Triple H looking sad, Shawn Michaels looking sharp. It’s nice.
MAURO IS HERE! Oh yeah, I’m so happy to see you Mauro! And for WrestleMania, apparently we can make Jerry Lawler wear a suit! Still no tie, though.
Hearing the ticket system is down in the arena right now, which is why it looks so empty, but we’re being given the United States Championship match despite the arena being… sparse.
Kalisto vs. Ryback – United States Championship Match
I’m pretty unhappy that Kalisto and the US title is relegated to the pre-show yet again, but I guess we’re just not caring about anyone who has it as long as they’re not John Cena. Eden Styles doing our announcing is a sparkly cosmic queen for her Stardust cosmic king, but she looks pretty nervous – I can only imagine how scary this is.
- Kalisto has a golden and purple colour scheme that’s really regal and cute, and I like that a lot
- Ryback is still in trunks, and looking crosspatch as there are a lot of Goldberg chants
- They stand for a few moments together and don’t move, before Kalisto start with aggression
- Double knees to the chest of Ryback from Kalisto, off the ropes, but Ryback takes him into the steps and into the barricades
- Military press from Ryback to Kalisto, throwing him into the ring
- Kalisto starts to come back with some kicks, but gets a huge back elbow from Ryback for a two count on Kalisto
- Ryback using a knee to choke Kalisto for four
- Actual heel boos for Ryback?!
- “WrestleMania moment, brothers” as Ryback hold a delayed superplex for about 20 seconds, but Kalisto countered and ended upon top, pinning for two
- DDT reversal from Kalisto to Ryback, then a flying rana to take him down into a pin for two
- Corkscrew into a pin from Kalisto for two again
- Spinebuster from Ryback actually made me hiss with the impact! That looked nasty
- Exposed turnbuckle and Ryback’s head is sent right into it, before a salida del sol from Kalisto!
Kalisto retains! That’s nice to see, because I didn’t want him to lose it just yet… but I’m still upset that we’re having this as the first match BUT I’m also glad it wasn’t the women’s match. Because that’s enough of a mess without seeing it first and to an empty arena.
Corey Graves has made it to the panel! He’s not lost, so that’s okay!
Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D and Blonde – 10 Divas Tag Team Match
Everyone comes in looking AMAZING, Naomi’s hair, Paige’s new jacket, Nattie’s outfit, Alicia Fox on studded leather, Summer in purple and with a CAPE, Emma looking hardcore and scary, Lana in like, a swimsuit…. It’s so amazing.
- Summer Rae against Alicia Fox first, and Alicia is taking her down
- Lawler is making horrible noises about wanting to get in there in between the women, and how if the ref needs help, he’ll scrum down with them. Pretty sure most of these ladies are younger than your kids, Lawler, try not to be such a scumbag, huh?
- Eva Marie faces off against Emma, and then Paige wants the tag, but Eva slaps Nattie in hard, and sends her through to face Emma, before Emma tags in Naomi
- Paige finally gets tagged in against Naomi, as Nattie takes some punishment in the corner
- Naomi tags in Emma, but very quickly she makes Paige scream, and really puts her down hard
- Lana tagged in by Emma, and she taunts Brie to come in as Lana mocks yes chants after smacking Paige around a little – it’s slow, and you can see Paige slowing down for Lana, but it’s not excruciatingly so
- Tamina gets tagged in instead against Paige, who is still lying in the centre of the ring, we can hear some of Paige’s instructions coming
- Nattie comes in to save Paige from Tamina and Naomi, and Paige gets them all out of the ring, then lands on them on the outside
- Lana calls everyone to get back in, and Tamina gets to her just before she can make a tag, Eva Marie moving a little back and away from the tag
- Emma against Paige for a little longer, showing off Emma’s skills
- Brie tagged in against Naomi, and she gets ‘yes’ chants straight away, it’s going to be a hell of a shame to lose her, and we’re going to miss her hugely
- Eva Marie gets a huge kick from Summer Rae, to massive cheers
- BRIE MODE
- Runs into a huge kick from Naomi, and hits the floor hard, yells ‘feel my glow’
- Split-legged moonsault didn’t work out from Naomi
- Lana pushed Brie off the top rope, leaving her crumpled in the middle of the ring, but she rolls Naomi right into the Yes Lock, an awesome way to get into that hold
That was pretty much the perfect end for Brie, bless her, and Paige leaps onto her friend and hugs her, hard, her face very emotional. The losers leave, and Nikki comes down from gorilla to congratulate her sister. Paige surges forwards to lift Brie, and they hold her high above them as their queen. I’m so happy to see that, and the match was somewhere between 15-18 minutes. I know, I was so excited that I totally forgot to time it! God, I didn’t even realise.
We get another Shane and Vince promo that we’ve seen before as I have my first drink in an hour and a half, realise it’s very, very hot, and that my ward-mates in hospital are having some meds. Time for a quick breather and some more pain relief.
Lita is here for an announcement, and she’s got what looks like it might be the new women’s championship under a red cover! She names up past champions and says all these women, no one was going to tell them no, no one was going to tell them that they couldn’t stand in the ring and be the best they could be. She talks about the diva’s division, and the ten women we just saw, before talking about the triple threat match, pausing for the boos for Charlotte and the cheers for Becky and Sasha. She says they’re not divas, they’re more than that, they’re all WWE superstars.
Holy shit, but it’s like the men’s title, red and gold and a huge ‘W’ like the men’s one, but on a white strap, ‘women’s champion’ and this is what Becky, Charlotte and Sasha will be fighting for tonight!
Anyone who reads our recaps will know I’ve been championing the women since I started writing about WWE, and I’m just… I’m in tears in my hospital bed, weeping because Lita’s right. They’re not divas. They’re phenomenal women, and they deserve to be recognised as such.
Renee Young says how much it means to her to be a woman in WWE with this going on, and Booker T talks about it, and Corey Graves is so excited, he’s gushing over Charlotte and Becky and Sasha’s accomplishments. He can hardly hold himself together. They’re all trying not to shit on the word diva, or the crappy pink butterfly title, but you can hear it in their voices. Towards the end, Renee sounds very tearful, too, and you can see how much it means to her.
The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz – Tag Team Match
This is a little bit of a snoozefest, I guess, but it might at least get a little violent and exciting, though there are no consequences to it.
- This breaks down very quickly before the ref can convince them to go to one on one
- Dudley Boyz take it hard to start with, throwing the Usos around easily
- “JUST LIKE YOUR DADDY” shouts Bubba Ray to Jimmy Uso
- Jey is half naked already, because that’s his thing, I guess?
- Jey tagged in and he actually seems to be getting somewhere before Bubba tags in D-Von and they go for WAZZUP
- ‘GET THE TABLES’ called, but the Usos go for superkicks instead
- Jey take down hard with a death drop, but he crawls to the rope and a superkick from Jimmy to Bubba helps out
- Jey gets off the ropes and kicks D-Von, too
The Usos get the win, Jey getting the pin, but as they try to celebrate, they’re attacked from behind… and the Dudleys get the tables. Jey and Jimmy get up, superkick the Dudleys, and then shove D-Von and Bubba through their own tables with double Samoan Splash, as the twins hug and celebrate. Not a strong match, not that exciting, but okay.
Talking about the Roman Reigns vs. Triple H match, and how Roman is going to have to start by blocking out the atmosphere because so many people don’t like him. Also, Roman’s on his own, and Triple H always has people on his side.
Before we go into WrestleMania proper, we have Roman talking about how, first and foremost, he wants to be a good person. He doesn’t want to be someone who takes shortcuts, and he doesn’t want to be the champion who got there the easy way.
We see Triple H coming out at the Royal Rumble and taking the title, we see how Triple H has taken to the title, and we cover his career, through the years, even from when he had hair and fought Shawn Michaels. We get a training montage for him, too, and then get to see Roman losing it and beating the holy hell out of Triple H, saying he’s the authority, and…. This is almost making me excited for this match?
As much as the outcome may not be what we want, I think this could be a really exciting match to watch, in all honesty. It will probably be bloody, if NXT TakeOver was anything to go by, and as it’s no DQ, we can expect some shenanigans. I, for one? Am excited.