Kayfabe Korner

Kayfabe Korner: A Diva Teams Primer… Sort Of

So this Sunday is WrestleMania! And we’re getting not one, but TWO Divas matches! While Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch, and Sasha Banks duke it out for the Divas title, ten other ladies have decided to get their fight on, too. Who are all of these daring Divas? Who’s friends with whom? Who’s more likely to cackle behind her hand like a Sailor Moon villain? Who’d punch everyone else in the face if given half a chance? Who’d accidentally set their house on fire trying to pour milk into a cereal bowl? I’ve got all your answers! …Maybe!

Team: Total Divas
Members: Natalya, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Paige, Eva Marie

Brie and Alicia used to be snotty, terrible jocks when around Brie’s twin sister Nikki, but nowadays the two seem… nicer? Or at least not as mean, anyway. I guess Nikki was the bad influence there. They’re joined by Paige, who hates the members of the other team way more, so this is an ‘enemy of my enemy’ situation for her. Natalya, meanwhile, seems to be the Team Mom here, being the oldest and most experienced of the group.

And then there’s Eva Marie.

Now, I haven’t been watching for all that long, but I’ve been told she used to be around a long time ago, and that she was… not the best. At a lot of things. She disappeared, apparently to hone her skills elsewhere. Eva Marie’s return didn’t seem to please anyone, though, including her teammates. Paige I get, because Paige hates everyone, but I don’t get why everyone else hates her. So far, all she’s done is toss Lana down and then be overly excited about being on a team. Natalya tries her best to play nice, I guess, but she doesn’t seem particularly happy either. What’s going on? Here’s hoping we get some more context on this new and improved(?) Eva Marie.

Team: Bad and Blonde
Members: Tamina, Naomi, Lana, Summer Rae, Emma

Summer Rae and Lana used to hate each other. You see, Lana dumped Rusev and started dating Dolph Ziggler, and Summer dated Rusev, and there was this whole THING. Then it turned out Lana and Rusev were secretly engaged anyway, so Summer left Rusev (for good reason!). Lana, however, seems to have split from Rusev, at least during work hours, and she’s been spouting a lot of “I’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no man” stuff. I can’t imagine that’s a comforting thing for Rusev to hear. Meanwhile, Tamina and Naomi, the remnants of Team BAD, have decided to be friends with both Lana and Summer, who can now be in the same room without immediately trying to throw shoes at each other’s heads. I guess this is another ‘enemy of my enemy’ situation?

Emma is another case of someone returning after a long absence, and I suspect that time away has changed her irrevocably, as she seems a bit… meaner, than the last time she showed up on Raw. She used to be all about dancing and bubbles. What happened to her? Well, whatever happened, the result is No More Miss Nice Gal. Team Bad and Blonde seem to like the cut of her jib, so I’m not surprised they recruited her. Still, she’s definitely the wild card in this scenario, and she may be a likely suspect for any shenanigans should the team start to fracture.

My Take: I suspect the 5v5 WrestleMania match will be fraught with danger and team drama, but Team Total Divas may suffer the most. I mean, look: Paige doesn’t like anyone, nobody likes Eva Marie, and Brie and Alicia have a history of large egos and larger attitudes. Natalya should probably skedaddle before that team eats itself alive! I may actually give the win to Team Bad and Blonde for this one, even with Lana and Summer’s fragile truce and Emma’s wild card status.