We in the WWE Universe have got some questions that need answering. We need answers. We’ve got a right to know certain things, for the sake of the mental health and physical safety of the attending crowds, as well as our fearless friends in the ring.
Right now, I’d like to address the elephant in the room. Or, more specifically, the undead lightning wizard.
So Vincent Kennedy McMahon has the Undertaker under his thrall… mostly. Dude is able to sic this immortal force of nature onto his recently disowned son with barely an issue, but heaven forbid he allude to the Undertaker’s subservient position to his face. Is there some sort of fine print in the Undertaker’s blood-signed contract that states ‘thou shalt not call the Undertaker a bitch lest thou tempt fate and possibly receive a chokeslam for thine efforts’? This is a very important question, here. Hell, this extended to Shane, even, as one mention of being Vince’s ‘bitch’ had the Undertaker angry enough to advance on him, seemingly unleashed. Does the contract null itself with anger? Or is the contract merely a half-broken chain around the Undertaker’s ankle, ready to snap at the slightest provocation?
Simply put: what kind of man is Vince McMahon that he would be so flippant about his son’s safety that he’d willingly place him into a cage with a near-uncontrollable undead wizard?
And that’s not even talking about the Undertaker’s hellish brother, Kane. Kane, who showed up to help the Big Show this Monday, only to turn around and chokeslam him from the top buckle. What’s Kane thinking? Is he thinking at all? Why does he still get to run around the building doing whatever he wants, when people like Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns get in trouble simply looking at Triple H funny? Did Kane amass a bunch of goodwill from his corporate days? Is he just constantly cashing in favors in order to show up and wreak havoc without the cops being brought in?
The answer may shock you. Kane doesn’t need to cash in favors to show up. No one can stop him from showing up, because Kane lives under the ring.
Not literally, mind you. But when the ring is erected for the night’s activities, the portal to Hell opens, giving Kane an easy entrance. Sometimes he’ll show up mid-match to drag an unfortunate superstar to his doom. Sometimes he’ll come up before the night even starts, hiding in the shadows and waiting for the right moment to march down the ramp towards his next victim.
So what does this mean for the match between the Undertaker and Shane McMahon? Simple: this supposed ‘Hell in a Cell’ match is supposed to have no exit, but it will. This may be the Undertaker’s yard, but Kane’s front door is under the ring — and who knows if he’ll show up to chokeslam the damn kids off his lawn.