So, it’s that time again, and that time is predictions! Fastlane has snuck up on us as the last PPV before WrestleMania, and it’s time to really get those storylines nailed down in a desperate hope that no one else gets injured before the big event. They haven’t got any more Triple Hs to throw into events all willy-nilly, you know.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto – United States Championship Match
The fact that this match is on the kick-off show is frankly appalling; it doesn’t lend any weight or prestige to the title, it suggests that the match isn’t important, and it also means I have to tune in to the kick-off show, whether I like it or not, AND I have to write during it, instead of setting up the kettle and making sure I’ve got enough PG Tips to last me three hours of wrestling.
So there’s obviously two ways this can go. If Del Rio wins the title back off Kalisto, it means he gets a chance to win it at WrestleMania, giving him an historic win on the biggest stage of all. It also lets Del Rio feel smug and overly-secure about himself just before the big day, and smug Del Rio is one we love to see beaten down. Then again, Kalisto and Del Rio have been trading the title a lot recently, and it would be nice to see Kalisto hold the title for a while, get a run under his sparkly belt.
Prediction: Del Rio wins the title back, leading into a win for Kalisto as WrestleMania.
The Titans vs. The Wyatts – Six Man Tag Match
The time of the giants is over. The Titans consist of Big Show, Ryback and Kane, as we saw on Raw, coming back to attack the Wyatt Family. We can assume Bray will stay out of the way here, orchestrating the action as Rowan, Strowman and Harper take apart the older guys, and really, it’s about time. The Wyatts have buckled under every group that has gone against them for so long now, and it’s sad to see them getting buried under the older guys when they’re fresher, younger talents, and it’s their time to shine.
Prediction: Wyatts for the win, ahead of Bray going to face… Lesnar at Mania? Seems like that’s where we’re going here.
Becky Lynch & Sasha Banks vs. Tamina & Naomi – Four Man Tag Match
The fallout of Team Bad and the breakup of the last team that seemed to be working for the women (Team Bella doesn’t count, right now it’s just Brie and her bae Foxy, with Nikki out of the picture) we’ve got Sasha’s push suddenly appearing for us. The likelihood of Tamina and Naomi winning is pretty small, but it’ll mean we get a showcase of what the women can do when you pit them against each other with actual feuds and storyline. I just hope they don’t cut it short because there are two Divas matches on the cards.
Prediction: Sasha and Becky to pick up the win, so the match against Charlotte at Mania can be a triple threat.
Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler – Intercontinental Title Match
Owens has just taken the title back off Ambrose, and Ziggler is the guy the WWE use when they want to sell someone as being a strong, credible threat. With Ambrose busy with a bigger prize on his mind, Ziggler is merely a pawn to keep Owens our prizefighter. With letting him win the title back, but not by pinning Ambrose, WWE had set Owens back into his insecurity, where he has the title, but has to bluster and snark his way into convincing himself he earned it.
Prediction: Owens to retain the IC title up to WrestleMania, where he’ll face off Ambrose (if he isn’t busy with the main event) or a triple threat match for his precious gold.
Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles
We’ve been watching this since AJ debuted, and it makes me wonder if there’s just a limited amount of people they’re willing to let work with AJ, as he seems to work very stiff, and their other guys who work in the same way are either out injured, or necessary for WrestleMania matches, therefore they’re keeping him with Jericho – who worked very stiff when he first started – and The Miz, both people they can afford to write off before Mania if something goes wrong. This doesn’t really have any consequences or big conclusions, so who wins is pretty inconsequential.
Prediction: AJ Styles to pick up the win, so he’s not just losing to an old man, no matter how strong Jericho looked at the Rumble. Then again, there’s only seven years between them, so AJ’s no spring chicken either.
Charlotte vs. Brie Bella – Diva’s Championship Match
Again, hoping they’re not going to cut this one short for time, because we could cut short Jericho vs. Styles or Owens vs. Ziggler instead, they’d be much better candidates for cutting things. Just… putting that ahead. Brie’s being given the title shot because of her husband’s retirement, hate to say it, and because she’s probably going to retire soon herself to have a family. Now, I’m assuming she’ll be here until Nikki comes back, but it’ll be a shame to lose her just as she’s getting stronger – and make no bones about it, she has improved greatly from where she started. However, she might get the shot here, but she won’t take the win – or if she does, Charlotte will take the title off her again before WrestleMania.
Prediction: Charlotte to retain her title heading into WrestleMania season.
Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar – No 1. Contender Match
Oh, good grief. Right, so the winner of this match is going to be going on to face Triple H at WrestleMania, because Max Landis wrote this angle, or something. Poor Triple H, he must be spending his entire life in the gym at this point, and woe betide him if he gets injured. In a way, at least having this be a triple threat match means that if someone explodes before Mania, there’s two more people who can take their place and we can still have a main event.
So, if Roman wins, we riot, right? He’s been pushed down our throats, he’s been protected and coddled, and not shown to be strong, and as much as he’s very pretty and my fangirl heart wants to love him, it just can’t. If he wins at Mania, there are going to be some very, very unhappy people. If Lesnar wins, so much, so boring. Lesnar was in the main event last year (as was Roman), and he’s also a part-time champion, something the WWE really can’t afford to have again. If Dean wins… I don’t know, everyone’s so busy saying he just does stuff, and that he’s craaaaaazy, that no one knows what he’s going to do next. Personally, I’d like to see it, but I’ve no idea if the WWE are ready for that to happen. I’d like to think they’re learnt their lesson about shoving people down our throats, and that they’ll back off on Roman, who nearly got booed out of the Royal Rumble yet again this year.
Prediction: Roman Reigns to take the win and head on to beat Triple H at WrestleMania, win back his title for his THIRD title win. Dear god, really?
Best Outcome Suggestion: Fastlane goes Dean’s way, and he gets the nod to go forward to face off with Triple H. Roman Reigns turns heel, because the crowd don’t like him, so why should he like them? Brock Lesnar gets to spend some time doing whatever it is he does when he’s not not-wrestling. We all win.